Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML
Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML
Today, my friend and I decided to have a "special intimate" moment together at his house. As soon as I start to really get into it, he said to me, "I sort of wanna do your mom." Way to kill the mood. FML
Today, I told my friend over videochat every explicit detail of what I had in store for my boyfriend later on in the day. I only realized afterwards that her whispering during the story was her way of trying to tell me her dad was in the room listening to the whole thing. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
Bleep_fml 0
What kind of attention ***** discusses raunchy details of their sex life on the bus, loud enough for others to hear, anyway?
offmycloud 0
Eww. You're THAT person on the bus, who talks about the dumbest, most disgusting things as loud as you can. You totally deserve it.
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Comments (220)
donteatzombies 12
YDI.
sammyjo06 14
**** his mom's life for having to listen to the attention ***** her son is dating discuss the details of something about which neither she nor anyone else on the bus wanted to hear.
Malaki691 15
No one wants to hear your business...what's wrong with you people??
worldclassrager 41
On the phone really? Texting is the way to go for that
klisterable 18
You remind me of something I witnessed on the bus some days ago. A lady was talking in the phone about how the people from my city are so dumb and stupid when you talk to them, and how everyone else is nicer and smarter. If you absolutely have to insult almost everyone in an entire bus, it seems logical to keep your voice down, but no,no! She was talking as if no one else was around. After five minutes someone just had enough and almost started a fight. Him and another were thrown off the bus, but not the lady. The bus was over 15 minutes late. At least 25 people were late for work and school, only because some asshole had to tell something "oh, so important". And, believe it or not, after these two people were thrown off the bus, she called her friend and continued where she left off by making up stuff about our "short temper"
yescry 12
Sex is an intimate and private endeavor that should only be shared between all willing partners and anyone they allow to hear it. You shouldn't talk about that stuff in public
kitttkattt 10
ouch
NostalgiaFreak9 43
You know, you could've waited until you got home before talking about your kinky sex life.
lucasjames22 8
you sound like such a *****. if you're discussing your sex life on the phone while on the bus you're also an attention *****
peterblackmer91 12
Why would you want a bus full of people to hear that? That's gross.