Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My parents, with whom I live, told me that they didn't get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML
Today, it's my birthday, I knew I would be on my own, so I brought some pancakes, only to come down and find that not only had my cat eaten them, but also that I’d have to clean his barf up. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to the sound of my cat puking up a hairball. This is the second year in a row he has done this. FML
Today, it's my birthday. Since I knew I would be spending it alone, I treated myself to a full cooked Scottish Breakfast. Just as I was plating up, I got carried away and my black pudding slipped out of my tongs and directly into my cat's litter tray. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
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Top comments
FFML_314 11
It's obvious that the day of your birth has driven them to the point of sheer misery, you don't know how to take care of your pets, you're sticking your face in places it doesn't belong and your boyfriend is secretly a homosexual. FYL indeed.
004savage 0
atleast things can only get better right?
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Comments (153)
hhhiii 0
it's my birthday too!!! and aww about the slippers (: I go pjs and $1,045 :D
StJimmy117 0
How do you like the slippers?
bluelily_ 0
Happy Birthdayy!! :)
brookig 10
Aaaaaw, that sucks so bad. I hate it when someone you love doesn't put any time or effort into you present. And your parent's couldn't wait one more day to tell you the news? F their life for being selfish people and not giving a shit about you. And F your boyfriends life for being a douche! Tell them all to F' off and try and still have a good day! You deserve better! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
bassdredd 2
ok why does everyone who posts on FML seem to have complete retards for parents? like seriousley, they couldn't wait to tell you the next day? It had to be on your birthday? like wtf honestly... that other guy's mom used his mouth as an ashtray...where the hell do all of you people live?
sk3l370n 0
Use a bb bat on the smoke alarm. Or the property manager - whichever makes you happier.
xiJimi 0
beat the cat with the slippers...
SAgirl 21
Atleast your boyfriend loves you?
doggone456 0
hope your birthday gets better for ya...fyl
aspnet_rules 0
:( This sounds like my birthday OP, except different things happened. Take care fo yourself.