Intimacy, Kids, Sex, Pregnancy and Weird: Great plan, kiddo

Great plan, kiddo

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 16:00

Today, my daughter confessed to me she is pregnant from a guy she had a three-minute hook up with in an alley with, but I shouldn’t worry because she’ll make plenty of money from her OnlyFans, since lots of guys like pregnancy porn, Plus it gives her a real good reason to quit smoking. I'm gobsmacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 346

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Same thing different taste

Incognito IRL

By Stressed out mom - 07/03/2018 01:30

Today, my daughter confessed that she’s pregnant from a one-night stand with some guy she met on vacation in Florida a few months ago. The dirtbag never told her his last name and the phone number he gave her was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 135

You deserved it 3 314

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 04:00

Today, I was joking to mom that at the rate I’m going I’ll have to start an OnlyFans to afford college next year. She shrugged like it was nothing because apparently prostitution got her through college and bought her her first house before she accidentally got pregnant with me. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 211

Three is a magic number

By Jenny - 05/04/2020 23:00

Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 300

You deserved it 479

By younggrammy - 20/08/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 208

You deserved it 45 452

By Anonymous - 06/08/2015 19:37 - Canada

Today, after ranting to my best friend about how all our friends are having kids and how teenage pregnancy will ruin their lives, she announced to me that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 732

You deserved it 7 346

By Erica - 09/12/2018 13:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year-old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose "to prove that she’s responsible." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 507

You deserved it 685

By doomed - 22/08/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 401

You deserved it 6 692

By Anonymous - 17/12/2013 21:57 - Egypt

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 124

You deserved it 7 774

You what?

By unknown - 02/11/2013 21:10 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 498

You deserved it 6 891

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 00:50 - United States

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 214

You deserved it 7 582

xaddrus 17

Wednesday 15 February 2023 17:03

honestly? dirty work but they make a lot of money.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 15 February 2023 22:20

Oh, no, the baby has a high probability of being a preemie! That is, someone prone to premature ejaculation. It's genetic, y'know. Three minutes?!?!?

Comments

xaddrus 17

Wednesday 15 February 2023 17:03

honestly? dirty work but they make a lot of money.

anothergenericuncreativename 13

Wednesday 15 February 2023 19:32

well, seems you did everything right at parenting...

Thaylok 17

Wednesday 15 February 2023 19:53

Admittedly, even OP was thinking it.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 15 February 2023 22:20

Oh, no, the baby has a high probability of being a preemie! That is, someone prone to premature ejaculation. It's genetic, y'know. Three minutes?!?!?

Sonotsuave 35

Friday 17 February 2023 2:59

Um, is it too late to abort. Your daughter doesn’t seem to make the best decisions, or have morals to be exact. What happened in the parenting.

FuhQ 2

Monday 13 March 2023 2:55

Oh you're filming **** in your room? Great, rent is now $1500/month

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was at the hairdresser's getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 027

You deserved it 3 364

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 564

You deserved it 2 470

The Top

Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 037

You deserved it 7 192

Today, I left my student in charge of locking up because my wife was sending me risqué texts during a thunderstorm. When I got home, the windows broke and the living room got flooded. I then found out that my student didn't lock up properly and all my art got soaked. Everything got wet except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 175

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 262

You deserved it 4 243

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 006

You deserved it 32 316

Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face onto my knee and breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 276

You deserved it 7 092

Today, I finally overcame depression-induced writer's block. I was typing at a good speed and before I knew it had over a thousand words that I was reasonably proud of. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 106

You deserved it 1 941