Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, and like every month, my husband goes through the wastebasket and checks my used pads for proof that I’m not lying about being on my period to get out of sex, all because once, I didn’t feel like having sex and said I was on my period, even though I wasn’t. He found out I lied because he saw my clean pad. FML
Today, I apparently had diarrhea in my sleep. I had to get up and sneak to the bathroom so as to not wake my husband. When he asked about the stain, I panicked and told him I started my period. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML
Today, I'm on my period and super bloated. My husband laid down next to me and said, "Hey pretty lady, wanna have a good time? Let me stick my pin in and let some of that air out", then made a deflating noise with a hand movement. FML
Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML
Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML
Today, I'm on the last few days of my period. After nothing came out the whole day, a dollop of blood suddenly poured out, somehow managed to entirely circumvent the giant pad I was wearing, and went straight into my underwear, pants, and the chair I was sitting on. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
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Top comments
happle 21
That's pretty nasty, but it seems like he would have learned his lesson.
Misshhh 23
Looks like he was caught.. Red handed... YEEEAAAAA xD
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Comments (187)
johnpaisley 6
Thats not nice making fun of me and all guys um I forgot...
worldclassrager 41
He would probably need another reminder...or for that matter just try the I am not in the mood phrase...
birds_fml 7
HAHAHA one time my husband decided to pants me (he was aware I was on my period) while I was wearing a pad. Of course it was soaked and bloody at the time. He hasn't pants me since!
skyeyez9 25
I laughed when I read "goldfish like memory."
juarezj96 12
Ewww >:b
SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25
He totally deserved that. Lol!
sxm 13
Sex while on your period is actually good. Me and my ex did it a lot of time when she was on her period, a little messy but it was all good.
lil_mars 1
I understand it can sound uncomfortable... But honestly, sex while on your period is really nice. It will help you from feeling shitty and unsexy. It could also cease the cramps and nausea, or at least distract you from them.
lil_tomahawk25 17
More like F his life
maxinator5000 7
All of these puns are PUNishment