Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML
Today, I was relaxing in the bath with oils and candles and a new book when my husband burst in with diarrhoea, filled the toilet, polluted the air, and knocked my new book into the bathwater. Then, while washing his hands, he asked if I wanted an oil covered shag. Romantic, right? FML
Today, I showered with my favorite soaps, and I used my favorite perfumes and lotions too. I layered my scents to get a nice fruity, girly scent, which helps boosts my confidence. My husband walked in the bedroom when I was done and said that it smelled like cheesy garlic bread. FML
Today, I was taking a relaxing soak in the tub with my essential oils, when my husband walked in and proceeded to take the most foul-smelling dump ever. The toilet is right next to the bathtub, so my essential oils didn’t stand a chance. Besides that, our house has four other bathrooms. FML
Today, I realised why my room has been smelling like berries and why sex has been so uncomfortable recently. Apparently boyfriend doesn't know the difference between hair conditioner and lube. FML
Today, we went for a foot massage. My wife found it incredibly relaxing; I just found it weird that a complete stranger seemed to be trying to give each of my toes its own handjob. Plus they used so much moisturiser that it made the inside of my shoes feel like squishy mud all day. FML
Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML
Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML
Today, I went to get a nice, relaxing hot stone massage. Instead I got second degree burns on my legs. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
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Top comments
acmariner99 25
So I’m guessing it essentially not sensual?
Emelka_fml 20
Oils like DoTerra are considered “therapy grade”, which makes them suitable for direct skin use. However, certain (many) essential oils are highly concentrated. They’re not meant to be used on skin without a safe carrier oil, such as olive or coconut.
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Comments (23)
WHSKitty4ever 23
You need to diffuse them first! This is why I don’t have essential oils!
wysegirl 24
You have the wrong brand of essential oils then... I use mine on my skin all the time some require to be fractionated but not all of them
Darlingdybbuk 1
There are a few essential oils that are considered safe to use in the skin undiluted, but I still wouldn’t recommend it (I’m a certified aromatherapist btw). Just as an example, my sis overused her lavender and now can’t be in the same room without her throat closing up. You can definitely develop sensitivities to essential oils, even the gentle ones. The whole “therapeutic grade” thing is just a marketing term, btw. It’s not an actual grade. And for god’s sake don’t drink the oils.
sassypenguinxox 15
Essential oils are usable on skin but they need to be at 2% dilution with a base oil or water or it will irritate the hell out of your skin