Intimacy, Sex and Drugs: Drugs are bad, mkay? - FML

Drugs are bad, mkay?

By Taylor Tempest - 27/12/2021 16:59

Spicy

Today, I learned that weed brownie plus weed gummies leads to me drooling… on my ex-husband’s cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 2 403

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Same thing different taste

Placebo

By mother teresa was a cunt - 17/09/2015 14:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 525

You deserved it 5 460

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 15:10 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 744

You deserved it 7 175

By Annomymous - 23/01/2015 18:12 - United States - Clarkston

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 888

You deserved it 4 894

American Beauty vibes

By vam22222 - 19/08/2022 06:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got caught sleeping with my now ex’s dad. He stole my weed, then kicked me out. Then his dad found out he had chlamydia, so now all 3 of us do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 3 135

By mateyouremental - 21/12/2012 20:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 111

You deserved it 40 129

By SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! - 01/02/2015 16:17 - United States - Gurnee

Spicy

Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 354

You deserved it 4 302

Mood ruiner

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 845

You deserved it 1 301

By Anonymous - 05/01/2013 00:56 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 474

You deserved it 5 192

By lehonX9 - 06/06/2015 09:11 - Germany - Hanover

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 820

You deserved it 9 727

By hopeless - 06/07/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 841

You deserved it 7 007

Next

Top comments

Plop 17

Monday 27 December 2021 17:02

Well, assuming both of you are single, that's just a night of sex with an ex, nothing to write home about. And by that, I mean probably nobody at home wants to hear about your sexcapades while high out of your mind.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 27 December 2021 17:05

Try blowing on it and laughing at it. That seems to be a thing these days.

Comments

Plop 17

Monday 27 December 2021 17:02

Well, assuming both of you are single, that's just a night of sex with an ex, nothing to write home about. And by that, I mean probably nobody at home wants to hear about your sexcapades while high out of your mind.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 27 December 2021 17:05

Try blowing on it and laughing at it. That seems to be a thing these days.

Plop 17

Monday 27 December 2021 18:36

Hey! No kink shaming!

SirEnigM0nk 22

Monday 27 December 2021 22:12

Why am I imagining this being spoken by Towlie from South Park?

Advance 56

Tuesday 28 December 2021 10:26

Who could have guessed that drugs have side effects?

xaonng 5

Thursday 30 December 2021 1:02

doubt the guy is complaining

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Work Cars Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 145

You deserved it 6 978

Today, I yelled at one of my employees for trying to discreetly slip out of a meeting, and demanded he sit up front so I could make sure he stayed for the whole time. Three minutes later, he shat his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 1 001

The Top

Today, I found out my baby momma has been building a whole relationship with my cousin. They escalated to wanting to sleep with each other. We have a two year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 150

Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 666

You deserved it 5 782

Today, I was eating chocolate chip cookies around the house and saw a chocolate chip on the floor. Not wanting my dog to eat it, given that chocolate is poisonous for dogs, I swiped it up with my finger and put it to my mouth. It was then that I realized it was a stub of my dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 2 906

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 651

You deserved it 1 159

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 996

You deserved it 7 259

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend at his job. When I saw he wasn't there, I asked a co-worker, who told me his "sister" came by earlier. He's an only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 69