Miscellaneous: Dirty mind

Dirty mind

By Anonymous - 25/06/2012 15:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 784

You deserved it 2 959

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Same thing different taste

Lingo

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 08:02

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 1 499

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - 17/09/2019 06:00

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 319

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 12:03

Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 203

By momlife - 28/03/2016 20:45 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 128

You deserved it 2 087

By marisacb - 13/03/2013 18:52 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 299

You deserved it 7 730

By qtpieo1 - 13/08/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 510

You deserved it 9 733

Great, thanks, I hate you

By Anonymous - 08/09/2010 18:09 - Greece

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 242

You deserved it 4 694

By shizzy09 - 13/04/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 504

You deserved it 5 137

Pissed

By pl. - 03/06/2021 21:59

Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 165

By Teach - 31/03/2015 07:40 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 431

You deserved it 2 543

Mideoyeo 12

Monday 25 June 2012 18:59

Its like people don't even think things through these days

gojira666 7

Monday 25 June 2012 18:59

Thats where my mind went too....

Comments

somewizdom 15

Monday 25 June 2012 19:19

Tell her to eat your kids.

OttersIsAwesome 8

Monday 25 June 2012 19:21

Tell her you're going to send pics.

sporty1200xlr 6

Monday 25 June 2012 19:45

My old boss used to do that..

doodlecloud 26

Monday 25 June 2012 19:22

Haha, that's pretty funny but no big deal...was a bit rude of her to actually hang up as opposed to saying 'why are you telling me that' or 'what the hell, do you know what that means' in which case the confusion could have been explained but if that's the only problem with her then I'm pretty sure you can just ignore it. And I've never heard that phrase actually used in real life either, only in that song about poo from Scrubs. I probably wouldn't have noticed what it meant straight away either. : )

allthepotatoes 1

Monday 25 June 2012 19:27

Yeah, hanging up was definitely the dick move.

loserman67 35

Monday 25 June 2012 19:28

Call her back, apologize for the misunderstanding and then during the conversation, tell her you have to go pinch off a loaf. After she hangs up, call her back and tell her you were baking bread and ask her what is her problem. Then as she explains, excuse yourself and say that you need to get rid of some Tootsie Rolls. After she hangs up again, call her back, tell her you were throwing out some old, stale Halloween candy and tell her to explain why she is so hung up on bathroom issues. As she explains, cut in, tell her she's boring you and you really need to go take a massive shit, then hang up on her!

eatsleepjb 8

Tuesday 26 June 2012 0:12

I just laughed for like 20 minutes....you should be a comedian!

bmkc4 1

Tuesday 26 June 2012 2:46

That was some funny shit lol

rcgirl2 11

Monday 25 June 2012 19:29

What is wrong with people nowadays? It's like they got abducted by aliens and they stole their brain so they can't think anymore.

ForeverAloneGal 23

Monday 25 June 2012 19:31

That is an awesome euphemism for pooping, though. You can't deny that.

tennislove11 2

Monday 25 June 2012 19:36

hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!....awk

THE_A_TEEN 27

Monday 25 June 2012 19:44

Who let the bird in here?

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 25 June 2012 21:52

Now I'm stuck on the Black Eyed Peas, "Who let the dogs out"

KiRaKaT 9

Tuesday 26 June 2012 2:59

I don't think the black eyed peas sang that song

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Tuesday 26 June 2012 8:21

97- It was the Baha Men, for the record.

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 26 June 2012 20:46

oops...

sporty1200xlr 6

Monday 25 June 2012 19:37

That's actually pretty funny... Time to take the Browns to the Super Bowl.

kat12856 4

Tuesday 26 June 2012 20:03

My favourite (:

krysxkatastrophe 14

Monday 25 June 2012 19:37

Perhaps you should have said "I need to take my kids to their swimming lesson." instead. If it were me, I probably would have caught myself before or quickly rephrase.