Intimacy: Dad jokes

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 009

You deserved it 67 176

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Hang ups

By at least put on sexy underwear - 01/09/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 114

By T-Guy - 03/07/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 291

You deserved it 50 948

By beaverless - 02/05/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 526

You deserved it 17 577

That kidnapped kink

By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 818

You deserved it 6 106

Hot and… greasy

By cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 643

You deserved it 6 211

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 400

You deserved it 6 857

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 918

You deserved it 15 959

Tiger King

By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 229

Sounds hot

By oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 985

You deserved it 9 470

By Firepussy911 - 14/06/2018 06:22

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 895

You deserved it 512

FlashBurn 13

Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.

dannyboy66 7

Monday 16 May 2011 12:06

sounds spicy

Comments

Brass_Gears 0

Monday 16 May 2011 18:04

if she can't take a joke she's not worth being with. time to upgrade.

KaskStunter 4

Monday 16 May 2011 18:17

She tried. You failed. She will try again. With one of your friends.

matt6784 0

Monday 16 May 2011 18:32

haha that is pretty funny. you kept the spices in the containers right? because if you didn't I can see why she'd be upset.

missworthless 0

Monday 16 May 2011 18:52

Your girlfriend needs a sense of humor. If my boyfriend did that, I would be laughing my ass off. Then I'd have sex with him for being clever and having a sense of humor.

djxtones 0

Monday 16 May 2011 18:53

I think she is part of the problem. Sex isn't supposed to be mathematical and philosophical. yeah, it was a corny joke, but what better way to get your mind off the obvious insecurity and awkwardness than to have a laugh together. She missed out on a good opportunity here. Women are always complaining men only think about sex and don't bring any creativity to the experience. Well when we try like OP we get shot down. OP sounds like he was trying to break the tension, not intentionally be a jackass. All you women who sided with the girl need to loosen up or you are going to be seriously disappointed by intimacy. Learn to have fun or just get a cat to keep you company. stop taking the joy out of men's lives by making things so dramatic and complicated.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:49

I totally agree, but with one caveat: Some men are just as overdramatic and fun-sucking as their female counterparts. This FML could've easily still happened with the genders reversed.