Today, my daughter and her friends (who are all deaf) came home from college to get ready for a big ASL event, or so I thought. The event is Comic Con for the deaf and the girls stayed up late, signing about “all the dick they were going to catch” and using lazy euphemisms. I understand ASL; they didn’t care. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I arranged a date with a girl online I really get along with, because frankly we both have a filthy sense of humour and love sexting. At the date, it turns out she’s deaf, which is not a problem, but she brought her sister as an interpreter. Without our usual conversation, it was just painfully awkward. FML
Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML
Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML
Today, I found out that my parents don't know the difference between a foreign person and a deaf person. They've been yelling at our exchange student for the past 2 days. FML
Today, I was signing with my deaf brother at a local McDonald's. We were having a laugh about a game we played last night when this morbidly obese woman waddled over to us. She was utterly convinced we were "talking shit" about her and made a scene about our "hand gestures." Seriously? FML
Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML
Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML
Today, I realized the guy I like is not deaf. This would normally be good news. However, for the past two weeks I assumed he was deaf after seeing him use sign language. I've been openly talking about him within earshot. FML
Today, I was on a chat site and a couple of cute guys asked for my "ASL". I had no idea what that meant so I asked one of my cousins. He said it meant "asshole" and that they were calling me an asshole. So I cursed at everyone who was actually asking for my "age, sex and location." FML
Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
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Top comments
Thaylok 17
They are in college. Logic leads me to think they are adults. Just throw them a few boxes of condoms and stress you want them to be safe.
spinningrecords 14
I believe your daughter is forcing you to accept that she is an adult. It’s your job to accept that but tell her to be careful.
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Comments (11)
Thaylok 17
They are in college. Logic leads me to think they are adults. Just throw them a few boxes of condoms and stress you want them to be safe.
TwoBytesCarley 27
Each generation creates their own slang to differentiate them from the generation previous. Young adults tend to use slang more often in their language to help cement their own separate identity and feel belonging in their peer group. Might be time to cut the apron strings!
spinningrecords 14
I believe your daughter is forcing you to accept that she is an adult. It’s your job to accept that but tell her to be careful.
Anderling 33
It seems to me that Deaf Comic Con, where presumably deaf people using ASL will be attending, *is* an ASL event. But you know, you do you I guess.
RawrXD 4
They're adults. The most concerning thing about this is their health and using the phrase "catching dick" like they're in the next season of Euphoria.
RichardPencil 32
I've heard deaf girls go straight to coitus since they're no good at aural sex.
Brightside86 31
The idea of a bunch of mute/deaf girls silently signing about how layed they are going to get is a very amusing image.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
If the event isn't called Deafcom 1 you should be worried. There's clearly no one with any taste there.
sirrubberduckie 37
If this upsets you, I have very bad news about what girls do and say when they're away from home. Hint: they use their hands for a lot more than just signing about dick.
BurnInDemonFire 39
I'd be upset if my kids were using lazy euphemisms, too. I'm not going to waste 18 years of my life raising an idiot.