Today, since I've been paying attention to my newborn, my pet cockatoo has learned to cry like the baby in the middle of the night. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, my newborn daughter has kept me up all day and all night for the past few days. Usually my husband sleeps. I finally cracked and yelled for his help, only for him to scream at me that he needs sleep and gives her to me anyway. FML
Today, my baby kept me up all night, and I only got 3 hours sleep. Normal, right? He's not even born yet and I'm only 5 months along. FML
Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, I figured I've been watching too many horror films, due to my parrot mimicking a women's blood-curdling screams that he heard in a movie. How do I know? He decided to reproduce the screams at 3 a.m. FML
Today, like every day since the new neighbors moved into the townhouse next door, their newborn won’t stop crying. The room the two toddlers and newborn are in apparently shares a wall with my bedroom, so I hear crying while I work remote, study remote, and try to sleep. FML
Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2 month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk whenever they make a noise. My fridge started beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, "It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright." FML
Today, my dog won't stop barking at his own shadow, my cat won't stop purring while kneading on me, and my new kitten won't stop squeaking. It's all very cute, but I can't sleep at all. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
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Top comments
christophbak 14
1. Learn the cockatoo a nursey rhyme 2. You and the baby fall asleep easily 3. ??? 4. Profit!
Ramb0 20
This is why you get dogs.
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Comments (32)
singer0421 32
*than
thisguy22 33
Time to leave the cage open and forget to turn the ceiling fan off...
chelseahere143 12
than*
SighOfTheWorld 7
Sounds like your bird misses you. Be sure to give him/her plenty of one-on-one time (best if you have "playtime" at the same time every day so the bird falls into schedule). Try to ignore bird when he/she is noisy and annoying, and "reward" with attention when quiet. For those saying she should get rid of the bird: parrots aren't goldfish or hamsters, they have the intelligence of a 2 year old child. It's very unfair to the bird to be just thrown away, and they can develop all sorts of emotional problems when given away....which can cause them to be rehomed over and over.
Ayasha_fml 12
I would definitely choose my baby and a normal quiet sleeping environment over the bird. It would be gotten rid of. You can sell them just as you would another pet. Training or reprimanding might be another option.
smokecloud_ 37
Please never own pets.
DoomedGemini 38
Babies and normal quiet sleeping environments conflict more than pets, want to get rid of babies too?
Ayasha_fml 12
28, please never reproduce. I love animals but I won't be controlled by them. If you feed them, groom them, play with them several times a day, pet, and they demand more, too bad. I'm assuming that OP is still giving what spare attention they can to the bird. Some of you are obsessed about your fur babies in a sick way that makes me question what goes on and what would go on in your relationship with them for you to madly rabidly defend then like a teenage girl defending her bf. You love them and care for them but you speak their language on boundaries and house rules. Otherwise you're a pathetic doormat. I bet you'd never discipline a kid and be content with them running things. Great parenting. What is seriously wrong with giving up a pet to a loving family that can provide more attention? Oh the bird needs therapy? It shouldn't have been squawking then. It learned the hard way. I'm not suggesting to kill it it, PETA freaks. I have a cat that listens to us if we tell her to get off things. Usually just a firm voice will work and pointing to the ground. Ideally they could retain it long term in their little brains. 29, you can help your young baby start sleeping through the night at 6 months or younger if you start it early. Raise your kid fairly, but with love and structure, and everyone will be happy and well adjusted. Someone compared the bird's intelligence to a 2 year old. So they should be smart enough to know right from wrong? Or they can't?
DoomedGemini 38
We're sick because we're protective and care deeply for another living being..? You talk about US not being able to discipline but you refuse to even attempt to teach an animal. "Oh it's not acting like I want it to, better get rid of it", seriously how are you a good parent if you think like that? If you don't have the empathy to understand how another creature feels, like suddenly not having all the attention(would a single child able to not act the same way?), and would rather give up and stress and upset the animal further because you can't be bothered: please don't reproduce OR own pets.
1_Jew 15
Well that all works out fine but there are a lot of types of species who will pine away, refuse to eat or drink, and even die because they miss their owners #36 so giving them away doesn't always work. Mastiffs for example will do so as have Great Danes, Huskies, German Shepherds, Pit Bulls, Bull Dogs, Siamese Cats, Tabby's, a few other species of Fish and surprisingly a few pet snakes have even done so. Simply because we are capable of loving our animals and our children doesn't make us "freaks" as you put it not does it mean that we are having physical relationships as you inferred, it just means our hearts are a little bigger. That's something that the world can alway do with a little more of in my view. KCCO
smokecloud_ 37
Lmao. 41 and 43 said it perfectly. Also I will not be reproducing, can't stand kids. Which is exactly why I have pets.
purple_duck88 6
I think **** our lives that #36 reproduced!
bad_boyfriend 10
Cockatoos live 20+ years. If you aren't willing to take care of it that long, don't buy the bird. Pawning it off on someone else because you didn't realize the commitment is bullshit though.
geekpower_fml 28
Up to 70 years, actually.
randybryant799 21
you can sell them as any other pet? Pets are part of the family. You're not supposed to sell them.
pog_mo_thon 2
Eh four hours sleep with a newborn is amazing? take what you can get, OP and cover the bird at night!
asiansapphire 10
try a pamper on bird's mouth like most of d **** atoos needs.
SoBeSatan 22
Your neighbours must hate you and pity you all at the same time. Good luck, OP.
ConspiracyCake 8
You deserve it for owning a cockatoo what did you think would happen?!?!?!? Lol
1_Jew 15
I hear cockatoo goes great with a nice cherry and pineapple glaze.....just saying.