Birthday, Family and Teenagers: Almost done

Almost done

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 04:59 - Canada

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 590

You deserved it 3 444

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Same thing different taste

Brown and sticky

By Jon - 14/03/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 152

You deserved it 6 334

By thanks - 02/05/2014 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 993

You deserved it 3 514

By cheap - 18/06/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 019

You deserved it 6 773

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 766

You deserved it 3 981

By Birthday blues - 13/12/2018 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 025

You deserved it 590

Ham-fisted attempt

By HamHanded - 10/03/2017 09:17

Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 650

You deserved it 710

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 15:29 - United States - Denver

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 508

You deserved it 3 454

By clewie - 31/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 22/08/2009 01:02 - United States

Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonald's slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 849

You deserved it 3 174

By Anonymous - 07/11/2011 00:26 - Reserved

Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 943

You deserved it 2 404

brackaman 18

Tuesday 9 April 2013 11:34

As much as his own fuckstick is the reason you're here in the first place, I feel he could've handled this a little better.

enormouselephant 15

Tuesday 9 April 2013 11:36

This FML is so sad, I'm sorry OP! Laser not forget to point out- HAPPY BIRTHDAY:)

Comments

Ibeatmyself 3

Wednesday 10 April 2013 15:41

If I was him I'd kick you out for been ungrateful because I'm sure u live in his house

anishays 11

Wednesday 10 April 2013 17:19

I don't know how anyone can say you deserve that. And Happy Birthday.

CrookedCook 14

Thursday 11 April 2013 1:14

Most fmls are funny to read, but I seriously feel pain for the OP. I hope the best for he/she.

deelishy1409 4

Thursday 11 April 2013 3:48

I'm sorry...sounds like my "father".

IsRaeliPrinCess 8

Thursday 11 April 2013 11:36

Your dad is an ass fxxker. If you have friends I suggest you stay with one of them, or just toughen it out for one more year.

s7evin 12

Friday 12 April 2013 9:19

This is what happens when we don't have robot boxing!!

joeytwix 4

Saturday 13 April 2013 3:46

Well OP I just had my first birthday after my mom died so it gets better

CanOWhoopAss 1

Saturday 13 April 2013 6:17

use the later pointer and point it at his eyes

cieloalicia 16

Sunday 14 April 2013 17:54

Kill him in his sleep.

alvinawesome 7

Monday 15 April 2013 5:26

Sorry dude.....

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 79

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 382

You deserved it 4 153

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 40 762

You deserved it 2 884

Today, after a month of searching, I found a perfect apartment which I rented out for the next few months. The rent was inexpensive and the place was close to my job. Turns out, my 'perfect' new apartment overlooks a nudist community. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 560

You deserved it 36 916

Today, my wife and I are having marital/intimacy issues. My 72 year-old mom basically told me to touch my wife, to hug her more, caress her lovingly, and pat her bottom, etc. Thanks mom, I'll grab her ass, that'll make it all better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 668

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I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 93

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 189

You deserved it 3 976

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so I said, "Yeah, that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 247

You deserved it 44 019

Almost done

Same thing different taste

Brown and sticky

Ham-fisted attempt

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