Nearly FMLs

By HeatherCorinne - 25/01/2016 03:47 - United States - Savannah

Today, my doctor put me on ADHD medication because I have trouble focusing; mostly on my college work. I started the medication and it took my 12 hours to write a 3 page paper because I was so focused. Focused on anything but my paper. FML

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By Idk - 25/01/2016 03:45 - United States - Bronx

Today, I made a huge cake to celebrate my grandmas birthday who is in the hospital sick. As soon as I got in the hospital, I dropped the cake all over myself. FML

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By stevieman99 - 25/01/2016 03:41 - United States - Parrish

Today, I walked in on my son blowing himself on his genitals. Literally blowing air. FML

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By HeatherCorinne - 25/01/2016 03:39 - United States - Savannah

Today, my daughter came home crying because some girl bullied her pretty bad. I have to physically stop my sisters from attacking this little girl and her parent because "that little bitch made our niece cry". I kinda want to join them. FML

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By Reed513 - 25/01/2016 03:28 - United States - Evansville

Today, my son was walking out of a shower covering his genitalia with only a small rag. I jokingly stated "your dick must be pretty small to be covered with that". To this my wife said "that's one thing he gets from you" my son now only refers to me as "little Dickie". FML

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By gasstation - 25/01/2016 03:24 - United States - Arlington

Today, a customer came in to buy a pack of Swisher Sweets. I asked for an ID and he handed me one... An expired one. I told him I couldn't sell it because it was invalid. He the proceeded to call me a 'dumb ass fat bitch' because I was just doing my job. FML.

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By no name Jenkins - 25/01/2016 03:19 - United States - Bradenton

Today, I got the lead role for my school play. I wasn't going to try out for it until my drama class teacher begged me to. She was either going to hate me or I would take the part. The play is in 2-3 months and I'm deathly afraid of crowds and public speaking. FML

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By Nirvana17 - 25/01/2016 03:13 - United States - Oregon City

Today, my alcoholic coworker was caught stealing beer from our work, begged customers for cigarettes and pumped the wrong kind of gas into a tank. So my boss had a talk with him and it ended up with him having one last chance for the sixth time. Fml.

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By fmlfmlfml - 25/01/2016 03:01 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I was texting this girl I really liked. She was horny and sent me nudes and I sent some back. I soon realized that the reason it was taking her so long to reply was because I sent them to my mom accident and not her. FML.

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By sofijas - 25/01/2016 03:01 - United States - Lodi

Today, it's been 16 days since I quit marijuana in an attempt to detox. Since the first night off it, I have not had an appetite and my raging insomnia is back after a six month hiatus. It's far past the withdrawals stage; meaning the drug I used recreationally I now need to be able to sleep. FML

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By nonnified - 25/01/2016 02:42 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, I had to endure terrible and near constant pain on account of having a uterus. Today, I also found out that the medicine I use to deal with this awful pain no longer has any effect on me. FML

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By MrsPrincess9687 - 25/01/2016 02:40 - United States - Greenville

Today, I told my husband we couldn't have sex because I was on my period. That would have been fine, if I weren't pregnant with our fourth child. You'd think he'd know how pregnancy works; no periods. FML.

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By unloved - 25/01/2016 02:24

Today, I realized I'm so unpopular, I can't even get a status liked or voted on any social media site after posting several in the last few months. one person on my friends list even asked "who are you?" FML

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By Vampirad7 - 25/01/2016 02:12 - United States - Skokie

Today I tried showing the new guy how to make a drink (I work at a Starbucks), turns out I was making it wrong for months! Our manager kicked me off the bar saying "I can't trust that one to train the newbie". I was so embarrassed. FML

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By bk1171 - 25/01/2016 02:10 - United States - Blackwood

Today, I used an online app to order pizza. It was a four hour wait for delivery. At the end of the four hours, the driver called to say she cant deliver to my area and the store that does closed down. FML.

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By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 02:00 - United States

Today, I showed my sister a jump scare video on my laptop. She freaked out and started punching it, and then ran to tell my parents. I'm now grounded for a week and have a broken laptop. FML

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By idiot - 25/01/2016 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was talking to my boss about how it was great to have a diagnosis for my pneumonia, because I "thought I had cancer for a moment there". She recovered from breast cancer last year. There goes a pay rise. FML

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By Snowedddd - 25/01/2016 01:52 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, despite record-breaking snowfall, my place of work has announced that it will be open tomorrow. None of the buses are running, and I am buried under way too much snow. FML

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By plzkillme - 25/01/2016 01:48 - United States - The Colony

Today, my sisters boyfriend moved in with us, this is bad because he also brought his psychotic aggressive little dog with him. I can't even walk into my own kitchen without the little shit barking and growling at me like a mad dog. Never in my life have I ever wanted to punt a dog so bad. FML

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By Le Sigh - 25/01/2016 01:42 - United States - Haymarket

Today, my friend thought, because black is my favorite color, that I'm suicidal. This is also the same person who thinks the moon is a giant ball of cheese, and that Mickey Mouse is a rat. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 01:31 - United States - Babbitt

Today, my crush texted me saying she broke up with her boyfriend. I was beyond happy. About 12 minutes ago I gave her ex shitty advice on how to get her back... It worked and now they're engaged... FML.

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By feven - 25/01/2016 01:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to my first college interview ever. I arrived early, wore a cute outfit and even made sure to call my interviewer to tell her I had arrived. Then I realized I was at the wrong place. FML

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By 4eversingle - 25/01/2016 01:16 - United Kingdom - London

Today the man I've been seeing for over a year told me he doesn't want to break up but feels we should hang out less this year. FML

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By theyhurt - 25/01/2016 01:08 - United States - Grapevine

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to wake me up by slamming a book closed on my bare nipple. It's been 5 hours and they're still hard. FML

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By ... - 25/01/2016 01:03 - United States - Bay City

Today,I got drug tested and it came back positive, the only problem with that is that I haven't done any drugs FML

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By AndDenWhut - 25/01/2016 01:02 - United States - Canton

Today, my son's mother married a professional football player that makes about $10,000,000 a year. My son told me he wants to go live with them because they're rich. It's just me and him and I make nearly $400,000 a year. I guess I'm just not successful enough. FML

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By video_games_and_ - 25/01/2016 01:01 - Canada - Miramichi

Today, I was so depressed about my non-existant love life that I sat down alone with a 2 L tub of ice cream and ate half of it. Guess women aren't the only one who do stuff like that. FML.

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By koalabear - 25/01/2016 00:53 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I was watching tv when my mom suddenly interrupted me asking if I was still using my birth control and that I should be using it and condoms because I'm "sloppy" and will probably end up pregnant. I'm 23 and haven't had sex in a year. FML

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By HoboMeth - 25/01/2016 00:48 - United States - San Diego

Today, someone tried to rob my store with a paintball gun. FML

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By IamHM - 25/01/2016 00:32 - United States - Albuquerque

Today my boyfriend broke up with me because I deleted all the Big Bang Theory episodes off of the DVR. He's already seen all of them, multiple times. FML.

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The Top

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 770

You deserved it 1 980

Today, I had a vulnerable day, which led me to being scammed 2400 dollars, worried about something that a simple Google search and five seconds of reading would've rectified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 1 185

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 255

You deserved it 45 103

Today, after 10 years in practice as a veterinarian, I began an internship in hopes of becoming a surgeon. The other intern/roommate never came, so we worked extra but don’t make enough to pay rent and buy groceries. We talked to HR about it and they give us a list of food banks. We work for a university. FML

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You deserved it 111

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about being super heroes. He said I could be "The Period" because I'm a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 9 063

Today, after spending 4 years without dating after an abusive relationship, and going out with who I thought was a decent guy for 6 months, I told him I have bipolar disorder and take medication for it. He responded by dumping me saying he can’t date someone who’s “crazy.” Back to putting my wall up I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

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