Nearly FMLs

By damnson - 25/01/2016 08:36 - United States - Santa Monica

Today, I took my 21 year old female cousin to her first bar. She got wasted pretty badly and began screaming and crying. Embarrassed, I took her outside and decided to drop her off back home. On the way, she confessed her love for me and said we would make cute babies. FML

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By Client Confidentiality - 25/01/2016 08:34 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was sending an e-mail to all my clients. It should have been in BCC to protect their (very sensitive) client confidentiality. I was out of it and sent it to them normally, allowing them to see everyone else's e-mail. One of them is a CEO and noticed my mistake immediately.

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By drew - 25/01/2016 08:28 - United States - Santa Monica

Today, I went on a gaming marathon that lasted for 19 hours straight. In that time I had consumed over 9 cans of monster and 4 cans of red bull. My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to die. I called 911 and was rushed to the emergency room. I was discharged shortly after. FML.

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By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 08:10 - United States - Oakland

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to "spice up" our love life. We did a bit of role playing and she started leading me to the bedroom by my penis. Just before we got there she tripped and didn't let go. I can not describe the pain I'm in. FML

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By giggles - 25/01/2016 08:05 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I was angry with my boyfriend. As I was calmly trying to explain why I was upset, my diaphragm spasmed and I burst into uncontrollable laughter. I don't think I made my point. FML

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By bunnyfish - 25/01/2016 07:41 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I got fired from my new job, my boss said I lied on my application, I put bi lingual. I'm fluent in sign language. He said its not a real language and i should just go down town and mime because its just over glorified charades. FML

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By WittyMoron - 25/01/2016 07:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to tell an incredibly sexist joke in a hall full of feminists. My friends told me that if I didn't do it they would sell my dog. I'm on my way now and I'm scared shitless. FML

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By Guythatdoesntlikeyou - 25/01/2016 07:35 - United States - Valdez

Today, i found out through all my hardships for my fiancé she was cheating on me with my brother and my mom knew about it. I only found out because my brother said something in his best man speech at my wedding. Fml

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By RocketGirl92 - 25/01/2016 07:14 - United States - Savannah

Today, I got accidentally punched in the vagina. Sadly, that's the most action I've had in months. FML.

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By well fack. - 25/01/2016 06:45 - United States - West Hartford

Today, my best friend and I were having a deep conversation about human sexuality. Her input on bisexuals was that "they need to pick a side" and that "people only say they're bi for attention." I'm now petrified of coming out to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stupidcat-youmakemelookbad - 25/01/2016 06:44 - United States

Today, I adopted a cat named Jamie. Jamie just killed my 6 year old sisters new hamster. She'll be home any second now. FML.

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By unluckybastard - 25/01/2016 06:42 - United States - New York

Today, after moving back into my dorm, I spent two hours cleaning mold out of my fridge, as a result of my roommate unplugging it and leaving it without properly defrosting or drying it at the end of last semester. FML.

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By whysis - 25/01/2016 06:40 - United States - Newark

Today, I found out the the new pair of jeans I left at home were ripped by my little sister. I've only received two new pairs of jeans in the past year. Apparently she was climbing a tree and thought that they were "the stretchy kind". They were. FML

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By friendlyfailure - 25/01/2016 06:23 - United States - Escondido

Today, I scratched inside my nose because it was itchy, when I pulled my finger away there was a spider leg on it, I can't find the rest of the spider. FML

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By MrsDruidess - 25/01/2016 06:19 - United States - Denver

Today, I had my first real big mood swing while pregnant with twins, I was crying over our home team making it to the Super Bowl, my oh so loving husband looks at me and tells me "good for them, now knock it off". FML

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By Fumbled_Wager - 25/01/2016 05:52 - United States - Bangor

Today, I had bet my entire winter bonus on The Patriots taking the Super Bowl this year , so I could make extra spending money for our vacation this year. We didn't even make it to the Super Bowl thanks to Manning. My wife still won't speak to me. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By Foxtr0tMikeLima - 25/01/2016 05:26 - United States - Helena

Today, I'm feeling depressed, I went to one of my good female friends because I needed someone to talk to, all she had to say was "it sounds like you're on your man period" and now I feel like I have no one to talk to. FML

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By angelinakaleel - 25/01/2016 05:20 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, as a substitute teacher, I asked my class to write a few paragraphs explaining the quote "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" with an example. Everyone in the whole class used the same example: you don't appreciate the WiFi until it stops working. FML.

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By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 05:18 - United States - Detroit

Today, after 6 weeks of binge watching all 201 of the old X-Files shows and both movies in preparation for the new episode tonight, our cable went out and I missed it. But at least I got to see everyone post on Facebook that they were watching it. FML.

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By nominaski - 25/01/2016 05:14 - United States - Dupont

Today, I told my friend all the things that have made me so depressed in the last few years. He didn't believe because "I wasn't, like, raped by a man or anything". What the hell? FML

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By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 05:12 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I visited my girlfriends new apartment, which I couldn't see until she bought it, as a surprise. She told me that the only reason that she wanted to live here was so she could get the free wifi from the cafe downstairs. She then told me that she used my money to pay for half of it. FML.

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By ICantUnseeThat - 25/01/2016 05:08 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was online shopping with my mom on her phone. A notification popped up. From Tinder. FML

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By DrProfessor777 - 25/01/2016 05:06 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got arrested after my mom lied about domestic violence to the cops because it was "To teach me a lesson," after I got a D on my Calc test. FML

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By emlizcat - 25/01/2016 05:01 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally went on a date with a guy that I've had a huge crush on. As soon as we sat down, the waitress told me that I was the third girl he's brought this week. FML

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By Xandriajoy10 - 25/01/2016 04:46 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I discovered my baby has cut its first tooth. Four hours in the emergency room and 7 stitches in my nipple later. Guess who gets to keep breastfeeding? Fml

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By jg - 25/01/2016 04:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had intercourse with my girlfriend. She was pretty drunk. She moaned "your dick is sooooo much better than Mike's." Mike was my best friend since elementary school. FML

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You deserved it 1

By My Fingers Hurt - 25/01/2016 04:15 - United States - Warren

Today, I got a paper cut on my thumb and it started to bleed a lot. I went to get a bandage from my desk drawer and proceeded to get yet another bad paper cut in a different spot on the same thumb. FML.

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By badwithnames - 25/01/2016 04:10 - United States - Mesa

Today, I was at a family event for my boyfriend. He has a big family & I get confused with who is who, I started talking about one of his aunts to some guy- about how annoying & obnoxious she was. Turns out I was speaking to that same woman's husband. FML.

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By ugh - 25/01/2016 04:09 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I found an engagement ring in the very back my boyfriends cupboard. When I asked him about it, he didn't know what I was talking about until five minutes later when he remembered that he bought it about seven months ago when he was going to propose, but he "forgot about it". FML.

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By mess - 25/01/2016 04:08 - United States - Amherst

Today, I finally realized I need to seek help for my overwhelming social anxiety. The only way to schedule an appointment with the Wellness Office is by making a phone call. My social anxiety means I can't call someone on the phone without having a panic attack. FML.

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The Top

Today, I did the math and discovered that every year, I pay the equivalent cost of a luxury car to a college that can't even keep rats out of the dorms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 967

You deserved it 1 578

Today, I received a few new fish for my aquarium as presents for my birthday. It just so happened that these fish were carrying diseases that left me with a tank full of dead fish. Happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 811

You deserved it 2 931

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 895

You deserved it 8 370

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 114

You deserved it 7 819

Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 582

You deserved it 292

Today, I was with my four year-old daughter when we met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman I know. My daughter looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 182