Nearly FMLs

By JIMMY_THE_JEW_II - 29/01/2016 23:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, someone yanked on my hair at school, I have pretty long hair for a guy, and so I turned around and punched him in the throat. Guess who got a headache, and 5 days of out of school suspension. Me. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 23:30 - United States - Kernersville

Today, when my dad came home from work, he had gone to the store. I went to help him unpack the groceries when I peered into the bag. There was a thing of condoms and birth control. I'm never going to get that image out of my head. FML

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By LeftOutMother - 29/01/2016 23:23 - Australia - Sydney

Today I found out my overseas daughter has been married for three years, and I was the only family member not informed or invited to the wedding. She said she didn't want me to cause a homophobic scene. Apparently this is due to me saying "that's so gay" about things I dislike. FML

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You deserved it 1

By shonic - 29/01/2016 23:19 - United States - Plano

Today, my girlfriend said she was breaking up with me because I was a drunk. the only reason I drink is because my girlfriend said I had to loosen up and have some drinks, she kept encouraging me to so I did. FML

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By Bathroom Issues - 29/01/2016 23:10 - United States - Ambler

Today, while going to the restroom at the mall, I took my money out to count and placed it on my leg. I ended getting distracted by my phone and standing up to flush. All the money fell in and got flushed away. It was equal to my entire months rent. FML

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By SixxAM - 29/01/2016 23:02 - France - Strasbourg

Today, I tore my ACL because my right leg planted weirdly when the bus driver slammed on the brakes. FML

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By Nahrtent - 29/01/2016 23:02 - Belgium - Gent

Today, I realized how dependent I am on my smartphone when I was checking facebook on it, in front of my perfectly capable laptop with the browser opened. FML

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By Joy - 29/01/2016 22:39 - United States - Fargo

Today, one of my friends told me he's been in love with me for over a year. I don't have any feelings for him, he is engaged to my best friend, and all of my friends knew about it. FML

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By red_owl - 29/01/2016 22:32 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, I told my mother I was moving out and going to live with my dad because she is a crazy. Once I was finally free of her, she convinced my family that she kicked me out because I'm "dangerous and aggressive". Now they all treat her as a victim, give me shameful glances, and scold me...FML

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By elfman - 29/01/2016 22:10 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my girlfriend talked me into a back, sack and crack wax. I later found out she had the salon secretly film the whole thing. Youtube now has a video of me screaming like a little girl every 30 seconds as a gay guy called Jason smeared hot wax on my private bits with sadistic glee. FML

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By crazycly - 29/01/2016 22:08 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after a week of no sex due to the monthly. My gf hinted tonight is the night. On the way to bed, I stopped to use the toilet. Entering the room a minute later. She was asleep. FML

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By too far - 29/01/2016 22:00 - United States - Clover

Today, my dad dropped me off at a friend's. As I was walking in front of the car, he thought it would be funny to move forward a little bit to scare me. I now have a broken foot. FML

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By shortswimmer17 - 29/01/2016 21:59 - Canada - Surrey

Today, due to weather and wrong transit directions, I was 3 hours late for a 6.5 hour shift. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 21:44 - Australia - Ashburton

Today, there is a bike race on the only road to my work, at the time I need to be there. If I'm late my hours get docked. My boss said I'll "just have to get there an hour early, but you won't get paid for that hour". FML.

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By lilfoodie - 29/01/2016 21:36 - Germany

Today, my husband informed me that my in-laws will be visiting for 2 weeks. I have a baby and can not handle entertaining, taking care of, & cooking for them. My husband says it's a cultural thing, them expecting to be completely taken care of and not having to help out with anything. FML

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By meansister - 29/01/2016 21:27 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I announced to my boyfriend that the military is going to move me across the country. His response? "Sorry about you moving. Im going to hang out with my friends". FML

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By ardea_alba - 29/01/2016 21:26 - Russian Federation - Yekaterinburg

Today, we ended up at ER in the middle of the night after my father stuffed my eldest child with the food he's allergic to just because 'he doesn't believe in food allergy'. FML

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You deserved it 0

By kiswan - 29/01/2016 21:21 - United States - Ware

Today, my mom asked me what 'Netflix and Chill' was and described how many men wanted to do that with her. Wish I didn't know. FML

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By XxMuFaSaxX - 29/01/2016 21:02 - United States - Taylorsville

Today, I was on vacation with some of my pals at the beach. We where walking into the break when a decent wave came in. I jumped trying to get over the wave, and failed. I ended up running along the bank looking for my trunks with hundreds of beautiful girls watching. The water was Cold... FML

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By moosemay - 29/01/2016 21:00 - Germany

Today, I was potty-training my son when he finally did no.2. I was still praising him and cleaning him up when his baby sister took business in hands and emptied the pot all over the bathroom. FML

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By Riieko - 29/01/2016 20:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was crossing the same intersection I cross every single day to go to work. Next thing I know I'm on the ground, and my leg is bleeding profusely, struck by a car. What does the driver do? Speed away. I had to crawl through a lane to get my phone. Thanks for running that red light, Buddy.

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By sydneyn19x - 29/01/2016 20:25 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I was finally able to go out with friends, considering I never have free time due to work and class. We went to a nightclub, and I agreed to DD because no one else would step up. After having such a great time out, we get back to my car to see it'd been robbed and all the windows smashed. FML

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By WhereTheresSmoke - 29/01/2016 20:24 - United States - Rochester

Today, the fire safety class I was teaching accidentally started a fire. Apparently the Smokey the Bear doll I use as a prop is highly flammable. FML

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By didntevengettosaybye - 29/01/2016 20:09 - United States - Helotes

Today, the day I was supposed to gain custody of my grandparents' very old dog, he went into surgery and it was discovered that he had cancer. They decided to put him down. FML

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By metalmeow - 29/01/2016 20:00

Today I realized that I bought the wrong textbook for one of my classes. Apparently I neglected to check the section number on the shelf label at the campus bookstore. That bothers me less than the fact that it took me almost a month to even notice that it was the wrong book. FML

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By oops - 29/01/2016 19:50 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my roommate walked in on me changing into pantyhose and a cute miniskirt. We're both guys. FML

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By LifeAF - 29/01/2016 19:35 - United States - Cedarburg

Today, I was doing yoga in our small apartment, and my boyfriend came up behind me and slapped my ass while I was balancing and fell. Guess who has a black eye now. FML

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By anonymous - 29/01/2016 19:20 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took a disabled client to physical therapy. I get paid for it, and the company I work for is billing Medicaid over 150$/hr for me to do it. Next week, they're forcing me to resign because I have to take time off that they won't approve. To take my daughter to physical therapy. FML

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By Ramisme - 29/01/2016 19:04 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I realized how incredibly selfish my girlfriend is in the sack. I don't know how to talk to her about my needs without making her burst into tears. FML

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By guardian1995 - 29/01/2016 19:01 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I found a condom tied to the back of my car, I only noticed because it decided to inflate in the 85mph wind as I drove down the highway. This is not the first time this has happened, I still have no clue who is responsible. FML

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The Top

Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 195

You deserved it 4 014

Today, I rushed to urgent care after suddenly developing a dark spot in the vision of one of my eyes. Long story short, I paid $110 for the doctor to remove an eyelash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 503

Today, an idiot decided it would be fun to light up a firecracker in front of our house. It ended with firetrucks, a black yard, and yet somehow the weeds survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 575

You deserved it 2 207

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 234

You deserved it 146

Today, the man I have been in a long-distance relationship with for two years told me he has been cheating on me for six months, and that he's leaving me for her. I'm due to fly out to see him next week on a non-refundable ticket. He insists that, "We can still hang out, just not have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 380

You deserved it 2 262

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 033

You deserved it 3 423