Nearly FMLs

By friend zoned - 28/01/2016 23:12 - United States - Lafayette

Today, a girl sent me a very revealing picture of her butt. She then asked me if they were ok for a guy that she likes. I like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 22:50 - United States - Hamer

Today, I was talking to my friend about cancer, when he suddenly started to make cancer jokes. The point of this conversation was to tell him I had brain cancer, which he cut me off as I was going to tell him. FML

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By crazy_bitch - 28/01/2016 22:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made 109 sugar cookies for my brother because that's what he wanted for his birthday. His crazy girlfriend showed up at my place ten minutes ago, threw all of the cookies in the trash, and said "That's what you get for trying to steal my man, bitch." My brother doesn't believe me. FML.

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By hershelLayton - 28/01/2016 22:10 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got a fine from my school. They were charging me $1000 for overdue books from the library. Thing is, it's my first day here. FML

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By howard1954 - 28/01/2016 22:03 - United States - Weidman

Today, I've come to the conclusion that my boyfriend's mother doesn't take a hint. While we were in the middle of having sex, she knocked on the door and asked if he was busy. He responded yes, but she still tried carrying out a conversation. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By Sprint Aquos sucks - 28/01/2016 21:47 - United States

Today, as always, my cheap phone refused to connect to the wifi in my own home. I get the message, "Avoided poor internet connection" even when that specific connection has full bars, and I'm sitting two feet away from the router. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 21:40 - United States - Greensboro

Today, for the second night in a row, my own conscience cock-blocked me during the perfect sex dream because it did not star my boyfriend. FML.

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By cesander - 28/01/2016 21:16 - United States

Today, an old crush of mine were talking until I scrolled through a photo in my gallery of my brother. She asked who it was and I responded "My brother. What, do you think he's handsome". Her response, "Compared to you, yes, very". FML.

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By washmehands - 28/01/2016 20:46 - United States

Today, I borrowed a copy of 50 Shades of Grey from the library to see what the fuss was about. My friend pointed out the dangers of borrowing a "used" copy of 50 Shades of Grey. I'm afraid to touch it now. FML.

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By AkatsukiElite - 28/01/2016 20:26 - United States - Chicago

Today, I bought my girlfriend a Michael Kors 300$ purse as a gift, when I went to give it to her she was carrying the same one.. so happens her father bought her it too. FML

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By djurmel89 - 28/01/2016 20:18 - Germany

Today, I woke up from a disturbing dream of me having weird sex with my dad. Today we planed a special father-daughter-bonding-day. I can't even look at him. FML

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By Dave - 28/01/2016 19:59 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was shopping in Walmart. A lady in the line tells me how I look a lot like her son. After a bit of talking, she goes without paying, It was a little odd. When it was my turn to pay, the price of my shopping tripled. When I asked why, the cashier said Aren't you paying for your mom? FML

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By Phelms - 28/01/2016 19:40 - United States - Rock Hill

Today I told my bestfriend of 5 1/2 years that I loved her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She said we shouldn't talk anymore and as we parted ways she said "I'll be in touch, but not as often as you would like. Have a nice life!" FML

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By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 19:32 - United States - Terre Haute

Today, after a great day with my boyfriend. He broke up with me saying he had never had any feelings for me and he was just faking it because we were in the same graduate program and he didn't want it to be weird. All of this after I surprised him with a weekend get away. FML

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By roxannam - 28/01/2016 19:31 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my mom told me about the mom of a character in her reality TV show thats psycho, calls her daughter horrible names, undermines her and basically F'd up her daughter and how she was lucky her mom was so good to her. The character my Mom described is basically a description of her self. FML

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By svu-fml - 28/01/2016 19:23 - United States - Portland

Today, I had a shock. After years of PTSD and recovery after a violent ex, I saw him, didn't puke, and he was clearly nervous- I finally felt safe. Turns out it wasn't him. He's doing better than ever. I just saw a photo of him dressed up and smiling with all the friends who didn't believe me. FML

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By gentleman54 - 28/01/2016 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I went to get my hair evened out. I told the hairdresser to even it a bit but not too much. This hairdresser had a bowl cut and I guess thats all she knows how to do because after the haircut so did I. FML

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You deserved it 0

By happysmile987 - 28/01/2016 19:07 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a bad dream about my hair being painfully ripped out, I woke up to a sore scalp, patches of hair missing from my head and chunks of my hair all over my bed. FML

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By repeat_pete - 28/01/2016 18:53 - United States - Roseburg

Today, I realized that my mothers junior prom was nine months and 2 days before I was born. FML

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By what did I do? - 28/01/2016 18:33 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I heard a loud bang in my house so I rushed to check out what it was. With a face of concern, I find that my mother dropped the vacuum. She just looks up at me and says, "You look just like your father. I can't stand you." My dad left when I was 1. FML

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By fishtities - 28/01/2016 18:27 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was pulled over. As soon as I took off my seat belt to get my wallet for my license, the police officer reached my window. He gave me a ticket for not wearing a seat belt. FML

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By tkdbb11790 - 28/01/2016 18:26 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I took a big swig of Diet Coke out of a bottle. It was only after I swallowed that I realized it was a spit bottle for dipping. FML

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By SuicidalFriend - 28/01/2016 18:16 - Denmark - Vordingborg

Today, my friend told me, that he have been thinking about committing suicide. Too bad I saw it after I sent the link to Shia Labeouf "Just do it" video, meant for my sister. FML

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By Mufasa666 - 28/01/2016 17:42 - Canada - Brampton

Today my mother approached me and wanted to know if I had any sexual feeling for my step-sister. I bore no such feelings for her at all as she was a terrible person . I turned down her advances. Turns out she has been telling people I have been hitting on her ever since she moved in 5 months ago FML

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By Garagedwella - 28/01/2016 17:30 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I found out I was getting a long overdue pay raise at work. I was really excited to get some extra money in each check, then my dentist called and said he has found some problems in my X-rays, now I'm faced with a pending massive dental bill, goodbye extra cash. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 17:26 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, while trying to get set up for a website, I paid the $79 fee and set up my account. Less than 3 hours after I made the account, it told me my membership expired and that I needed to pay another $39 fee to re-activate my account. FML

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By kukumber - 28/01/2016 17:06 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I stumbled across an article titled "Signs Your Boyfriend is an Asshole". Out of curiosity, I read it. It described my boyfriend perfectly. FML.

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By GhostFox - 28/01/2016 16:59 - United States - Lake City

Today, I had to cancel an appointment with my doctor because my ankle dislocated while I slept. The same appointment I made to request a physical therapy prescription because my joints constantly dislocate. FML

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By ichoosewinners10 - 28/01/2016 16:59 - United States - Concord

Today, my asshat of a boyfriend dumped me for cheating all because he saw another guy walk in through the door of the apartment building I live in. He lives in the apartment above me. FML.

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By anxietysucks - 28/01/2016 16:50 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a hot guy hit on me at the mall food court and asked to sit down. My anxiety is so bad I said no. When I went back, anxiety pushed aside, he was gone. FML

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The Top

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because of a tattoo I have. It's a small teddy bear on my leg with my parents' names on it. My workplace has no problems with tattoos, but my boss said it was "unoriginal and lame." It's a memorial tattoo; my parents died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 991

You deserved it 3 494

Today, the county jail called. My estranged husband is being released, after spending a quality, week-long visit for restraining order violations. Merry Christmas to me and the only peace I've felt in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 136

Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 144

Today, I mistook a random stranger in the grocery store for my friend and started complaining about how annoying my coworkers are at the moment. The stranger just nodded, concerned, and slowly backed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 560

Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 460

Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around on camera. I was mostly naked and putting on a show for her, when I noticed that she was looking off to the side instead of where she normally looks when she's talking to me. She was playing solitaire on her computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 461

You deserved it 4 368