Nearly FMLs

By BigMike - 29/01/2016 18:51 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had planned to take my girlfriend out to eat & then go get matching tattoos for our anniversary. Instead she went out to eat with her family & is now with her friend getting tattoo. I'm stuck home alone all day watching Netflix. FML

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By SoNotACop - 29/01/2016 18:46

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting for the light to turn green. The left signal turned green and it was still red for me. Taking it upon herself, after honking repeatedly, the lady behind me rear ended my car and somehow got my insurance to pay for the damage for her car. FML.

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By Migole - 29/01/2016 18:44 - Germany - Bochum

Today, as I was slowly drifting off to sleep my (longhaired) cat decided it was a great idea to sprint a marathon in my apartment and then come cuddle in my bed. I guess nothing says "I love you" more than liquid poop smeared all over his fur and everything he touched. FML

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By Fun_times - 29/01/2016 18:34 - United States - Fairfax

Today, a friend of mine broke my trust and told everyone about my depression. Now everyone, including my girlfriend, is mad at me for not telling them, and I'm more depressed. FML

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By CODplayer4lyfe - 29/01/2016 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I've been getting a lot of mail from some very prestigious colleges wanting me to come to their school. I freaked out until I finally noticed that they were for my neighbor, not me. FML

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By Awkward_Turtle69 - 29/01/2016 18:28 - United States

Today, I had my buddy hold onto my phone as I was gunna be drinking and he was my driver, when I woke up this morning I found many naked pictures of my girlfriend sent to me with responses from him FML

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By ariel5389 - 29/01/2016 18:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I saw my daughter using the pink washcloth in the bathroom to wash her face in the morning. I guess I should find something else to dry my vibrator off with. FML

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By isnobodyhere - 29/01/2016 18:26 - United States

Today, I slammed on my breaks to stop from hitting a squirrel. The car behind me did not. I still went over the squirrel. FML

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By RiRi21 - 29/01/2016 18:15 - United States - Simpsonville

Today, my parents refuse to take part or even come to my wedding because I am no longer my mom's religion. My mother thinks its a sin and my dad doesn't want to betray her. FML

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By Stmich - 29/01/2016 18:14 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, I am finding out that the anti inflammation medicine given to me by my doctor for my migrane is more debilitating to me than the migraine itself. FML

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By The Culling Blade - 29/01/2016 18:06 - United States - New York

Today, my friend and I had some fun by having sex which we do as a game. Her little sister caught us and is now threatening to tell our current relationships and family members about our "playtime", if we don't do and get things for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 18:03 - United States - Killeen

Today, I have pink eye. A friend asked if I was a stoner, or if I got into a fight. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that I had to explain what pink eye was, or the fact that I had to explain it to a 35 year old man. FML

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By ahabsfan - 29/01/2016 17:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my wife is now binge watching Forensic Files and writing down notes. I'm afraid to eat anything she makes or go to sleep. FML

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By bluejay2000 - 29/01/2016 17:06 - United States - Lewisburg

Today, I finally had the courage to ask my friend out, who's moving in a few days. After pouring my heart out to her, she said I was really sweet, then stopped texting me. We sit together at lunch and she didn't talk to me once. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By brokeandsicksucks - 29/01/2016 16:40 - Australia - Rozelle

Today I am up in the middle of the night with food poisoning. I've had to call in sick for a job I only started this week. To make matters worse, my husband was laid off last night without warning. We moved 150km for better work and living and are now worse off than ever. FML

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By tee - 29/01/2016 16:36 - United States - Kansas City

Today, by boss told me she & her husband do not own the the company, her father in law does. The father in law says he has nothing to do with the company, his son & daughter in law are the owners. Great way of preventing anyone from asking for a raise.FML

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By IamHM - 29/01/2016 16:34 - United States - Albuquerque

Today is my anniversary with my boyfriend. Last night while I was at work, my douchebag roommates drank the $200 champagne I had been saving. They also ate the chocolates I was going to give my boyfriend. FML

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By Josie - 29/01/2016 16:32 - United States - Wylie

Today, I just realized that the aloe Vera plant I've been watering is plastic. FML

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By tanziir1 - 29/01/2016 16:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a bird took a shit on my head at school. Guess what my new nickname is. FML

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By Breena - 29/01/2016 16:24 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I attempted to masturbate for the first time in ages but I was so afraid of my mother walking in on me and going on another angry religious rant that I couldn't even get wet let alone enjoy myself. My mother doesn't even live in this country. Fuck you mom, you screwed me up forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By school_in_the_morning_too - 29/01/2016 16:23 - United States - Louisville

Today, I went to a college two hours away to visit some friends. On the way back to my house, I got a flat tire 60 miles away and waited for my dad to come help me. Once he got there, the spare tire was flat and wouldn't hold any air. It took 4 hours longer to get home and get a tow truck. FML

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By BrownDude - 29/01/2016 16:16 - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, me and my girlfriend had sex, she seemed like she was enjoying the whole thing. Then out of no where she was kissing my chest. She said go gentle, should've listened because I now I have superglue holding half my nipple on. FML

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By Roumanas - 29/01/2016 16:09 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, during a long shift, I finally had the urge to go to a bathroom stall and release a symphony of built up gas. Little did I know, one of my bosses was waiting patiently for his turn outside the stall...His face was marked with disdain. FML

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By Gamer_Girl - 29/01/2016 16:03 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my boyfriend started yelling at me when he caught me playing Halo 4 on my Xbox 360. Why was he so pissed? Apparently, females are supposed to "cook and shit, not play video games." FML.

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By Tejanoswhy - 29/01/2016 16:00 - United States

Today, my antivirus let in a malware that disabled the antivirus. The antivirus company is now asking $500 to fix it. FML

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By ur_life_dus_suck - 29/01/2016 15:59 - United States - Wayne

Today, everyone I live with (which is 12 other people) decided today is my birthday. My birthday is in October. FML

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By anon - 29/01/2016 15:53 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, after 4 months of consistently flirting with my crush he told me has a girlfriend. My sister. Who knew I was in love with him. FML

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By gatorgirl7563 - 29/01/2016 15:49 - United States - Tampa

Today, a childhood dream of mine came true when I had a mini-freezer installed in my bedroom. Only instead of it being filled with tons of different ice-cream, it is filled with tons of ice packs, because I screwed up my back from having bad posture. I’m only 24. FML

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By gatorgirl7563 - 29/01/2016 15:40 - United States - Tampa

Today, my virus-riddled sinuses emptied snot into my mouth. Not wanting to swallow & just run out of tissue, I rolled down my window to spit. The snot was so thick it fell short & landed on my arm. I had to drive 8 miles with a dangling green-yellow snot bracelet before I could wipe it off. FML

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By xlondrx - 29/01/2016 15:29 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, I thought my roommate was gone seeing that she always has early am's on Friday's so I decided to fart whenever I wanted to turns out I heard some movement and she's been laying in bed this whole time. FML

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The Top

Today, I showed up at work and a coworker pointed a gun at me. After twisting his arm and leveling his face into the wall, I found out it was a lighter. Now I might lose my job over his stupid joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 062

You deserved it 5 467

Today, I found out that my parents have always believed that every single time I have ever showed emotion, I was faking it and that I'm actually a sociopath with no feelings. I was kicked out of the theater department at my college for my poor acting skills, and they know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 123

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 424

You deserved it 8 358

Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 3 252

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 260

You deserved it 3 082

Today, I picked up my idiot 20 year-old son from a party. He was shit-faced drunk and managed to drop his vape out the window as I was driving. He tried to open the door of the moving car to get out and look for it, and I had to grab him and pull him back in. Legally, this moron is an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 206