Torn AF · 8 March 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

That chapter…

Today, my new husband told me his ex is 10 weeks pregnant from having “chapter closing sex” before getting married. He said he wasn’t expecting this to happen because he had used a condom. He always told me he fervently hated his ex. Our honeymoon and wedding last week was over $50,000, which is nonrefundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524 You deserved it 144

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Anonymous · 7 March 2025, 00:00 ·Toronto, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Nag nag nag

Today, my girlfriend complained about our recent dry spell. I've been under a lot of stress at work, but I told her some things she could do to help. She decided a better idea was to scream that I don't care about her needs, and that I should never "burden her" with my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439 You deserved it 147

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Lili · 6 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

I'll do anything

Today, I texted my best friend, “Good luck with your date tonight! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” She replied, "Thanks! I’ll try not to, but to be honest, that’s not saying much." I meant it as a joke, but she had no idea what I meant. It seems that I accidentally implied I’m a bad influence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 405

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Anonymous · 5 March 2025, 20:00 ·Anaheim, United States

I need my own place

Today, I was finally about to hook up with the girl I’ve been crushing on forever. My piss-drunk roommate burst through my door butt ass naked and yelled, “Party time, bitches!” Now she thinks I’m some perv that tried to rope her into a three-way. I tried to explain and apologize, but she's blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536 You deserved it 116

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he didnt know · 2 March 2025, 20:00 ·San Diego, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Appalling behavior

Today, I showed my best friend a picture of my new girlfriend. He gave me a high five, followed up with, "Looks like we're Eskimo bros!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 351 You deserved it 136

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Anonymous · 26 February 2025, 20:00 ·Ferrieres, Belgium 🌶️ Spicy

Just awesome

Today, it was my first time with my new boyfriend. I told him what an awesome body he has. He seemed a little embarrassed and stuttered, "Uh, well, uh, you have nice eyes." Goodbye self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435 You deserved it 150

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Kicked · 25 February 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Get out

Today, my dad found condoms in my room and kicked me out of the house. I know I’m 22 but I have nowhere to go. When I told him this, he threw a rolling suitcase at me and told me, “You have somewhere to go now - your boyfriend’s house!” I don’t even have a boyfriend, just casual random hookups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421 You deserved it 328

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Anonymous · 25 February 2025, 03:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Double whammy

Today, I had to go to my parents' house and interrupt their "private time" to tell them that grandpa is in the emergency room. For those of you who are wondering if it gets any less traumatizing and/or awkward as an adult: it doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424 You deserved it 109

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Anonymous · 24 February 2025, 12:00 ·Ljubljana, Slovenia 🌶️ Spicy

Oblivious

Today, my ex and I had sex. Afterwards, I cleaned myself with a t-shirt and left a huge sperm stain on the front of it. After that, my stepfather came home, so we left. As we were sitting in the car in front of the house, my stepfather left on a bicycle, wearing the t-shirt. Sunlight reflected off the stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 You deserved it 509

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Anonymous · 22 February 2025, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

He gets around

Today, a nurse asked me how many sexual partners I’ve had in the last six months and as I started counting in my head, I realised I need to make better life choices before an STD makes my crotch shrivel up and die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 555

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DumpedPlusSizeGirl · 21 February 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Who's Dusty?

Today, the dog pulled out a dusty, size M thong from under our bed. I wear a size 3XL, so obviously it wasn’t mine. Only my husband and I live in this house. Not only was my husband’s affair inadvertently exposed, he impassively said, “The size of it should explain why I did it in the first place. Sorry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 595 You deserved it 321

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Anonymous · 20 February 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

She works hard for the money…

Today, a guy asked me out. I accepted and gave him my rates for a night, as well as my cash apps. He immediately freaked out and said, “I meant on a date, you fucking weirdo.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 885

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Anonymous · 20 February 2025, 00:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Frustrated boi

Today, my girlfriend hasn’t fucked me in god knows how long. I had to mention a BJ and she already said she was going to give me one for Valentine’s Day. I knew it was bullshit because it’s the 17th and still no head. I get mad when I watch sex scenes. I masturbate but it's not the same. I really wanna fuck other women. IDK WHAT TO DO. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333 You deserved it 544

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I hate chuds · 12 February 2025, 20:00 ·Los Angeles, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Bad date

Today, I was hit up to "Netflix and chill" by a guy I hang out with, so I dressed up real nice and went over. Unfortunately, the "Netflix" was actually watching Joe Rogan, and the "chill" was smiling politely whenever he would say, "He's right, you know?" and figuring out how and when to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485 You deserved it 163

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Anonymous · 10 February 2025, 20:00 ·Orange Park, United States 🌶️ Spicy

The spark is gone

Today, my husband of 16 years had to force himself to be intimate with me. In his words, not because he’s not attracted to me but because he no longer has emotions or feelings towards me. I’m still deeply in love and had to force intimacy because now I feel like I’m just a means to an end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482 You deserved it 149

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Lehigh Acres, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Horny and dumb

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 844 You deserved it 1 793

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Anonymous · 8 February 2025, 03:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Get lucky, sound of the summer

Today, my date went off on a 30 minute tangent about how MGTOW is going to be good for society and blah blah blah. He was going to get lucky tonight, as I really wanted some dick to be honest, but he talked himself out of any chance whatsoever by boring me to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339 You deserved it 220

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Anonymous · 7 February 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Freaky family

Today, I found out the guy who asked me to be his girlfriend has been fucking his first cousin in the booty on the regular for years, and was still fucking her while seeing me. I feel disgusting. He’s 32 and she’s 28 and thinks they’re going to get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 116

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Sick burn

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 516 You deserved it 8 204

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Anonymous · 2 February 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Denied

Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530 You deserved it 206

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Anonymous · 1 February 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Sex ed failure

Today, in the heat of losing our virginity, I asked him to “suck my clit, suck my clit, oh god please suck my clit.” He stopped what he was doing and asked me, “What’s a clit?” I almost strangled him. Don’t date boys homeschooled by single mamas, they’ll break your heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432 You deserved it 309

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Basic respect desired · 1 February 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Classic bro moment

Today, my boyfriend and his friend were talking politics when my boyfriend referred to several female politicians as "yappy feminist scolds." They both laughed like oafs. I couldn't kick them both out fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492 You deserved it 323

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Anonymous · 27 January 2025, 20:00 ·Warrington, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

You've pulled

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some fun at around 3:00 am and during our fun I flipped her over quite roughly and, as she landed on the bed, I'd accidentally dislocated her shoulder. For the next 2 hours we didn’t know whether to call an ambulance or her sister, so we had to put it back in place ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206 You deserved it 422

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Anonymous · 26 January 2025, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Let down

Today, I went on a date with a sweet guy who was 6”11 tall, a size 14 shoe, a 55 inch chest from all his gym muscles, hands like baseball gloves, and gorgeous green eyes… all attached to a 3 inch penis that I could barely feel, and that lasted barely 15 seconds. The foreplay was shit too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374 You deserved it 562

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Anonymous · 24 January 2025, 20:00 ·United States

Liars, the lot of them

Today, I learned that every podcast bro is a fucking liar and a vile hypocrite. Men seem to like me, but the minute I tell them I’m a virgin and saving myself for marriage, suddenly they’re gone faster than a spooked horse. What happened to the low/no body count, huh boys?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 305 You deserved it 501

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Anonymous · 23 January 2025, 22:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Intrusive

Today, no matter who I try to date, all I can do is think about them having sex with another man. Watching them being taken by someone else over and over again. I don’t know when this started or why it continues, but the thoughts continue to plague my mind regardless of how much I try to suppress it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291 You deserved it 417

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Willa · 22 January 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Ruins

Today, my friend told me she managed to have sex with the guy who told me he didn’t wanna date me, or even become friends with benefits, because it would “ruin our friendship.” They’ve been friends for about two years. Apparently, her friendship with him is worth “ruining.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 348 You deserved it 181

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Anonymous · 14 January 2025, 20:00 ·Castleford, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Final fantasy

Today, I have caught my boyfriend masturbating by himself over a dozen times since Xmas, so God knows how many times he’s done it without me knowing. I asked him about it, and it turns out a woman he went to high school with, and had a huge crush on, recently became a porn actress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565 You deserved it 215

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Anonymous · 12 January 2025, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Old habits die rock hard

Today, I caught my parents having sex, which was embarrassing enough, but not only have they been divorced for 16 years, they are both married to other people, my stepmother and stepfather, who are both lovely people and don’t deserve to be cheated on by my horrible parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650 You deserved it 134

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Anonymous · 11 January 2025, 22:00 ·Ironwood, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Getting dryer

Today, I (32F) tried to break a two month dry spell with my boyfriend of five years. He pointed out a cold sore on my lip. I never got cold sores before I met him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447 You deserved it 133

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