Pizza

Work is work

By mylifeisfed - 04/11/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 821

You deserved it 12 849

Hungry eyes

By choldcreations - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 476

You deserved it 42 072

Currency

By PizzaBwaaay - 03/05/2022 22:00

Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 1 509

Response times

By woahheylex - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 957

You deserved it 5 437

But… I'm hungry!

By Anonymous - 05/04/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I ordered a pizza for delivery after a long day. When the delivery guy showed up, I realized I had no cash, so I tried to pay him using my credit card. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember the PIN, and after three failed attempts, the delivery guy just stared at me in awkward silence and said, "It’s okay, I’ll just take the pizza back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 514

Delivery!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 318

You deserved it 2 357

Karen strikes again

By fucking Karens! - 11/08/2020 14:02

Today, I got lost searching for an apartment in a huge complex. A hysterical woman started screaming that I didn’t belong there, and that she was calling the police. She stood behind my car so I couldn’t leave. I’m a pizza delivery driver, in full uniform and with the company emblem on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 026

You deserved it 168

Give me a break

By anon - 18/02/2023 06:00

Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 204

Deep dish

By Grauncho - 22/09/2012 14:12 - United States - Chicago

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 740

You deserved it 3 627

Sounds like a swell guy

By Crying - 01/03/2022 02:00

Today, I ate a slice of pizza that was left in the oven. Turns out it was my husband’s and he threw a tantrum over it. I profusely apologized and his response was, “Sorry is the cheating I’m gonna do if you keep this childish shit up!” He says stuff like that because he knows I can’t afford to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 268

Pizza mystery

By Pick out the picks - 24/09/2022 15:30 - United States

Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 135

OK, well, goodbye

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 14:02

Today I ordered an anchovy pizza without the mushroom. Instead, I got a mushroom pizza without the anchovy. Then, when I went to take it back, the store had closed. Permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 218

Bon appétit

By Anonymous - 20/03/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza for delivery, and when it arrived, the box was completely empty except for a receipt and a piece of lettuce. I called the restaurant, and they insisted I must’ve eaten it all, and was just pretending. I took a picture of the empty box and the soggy piece of lettuce to prove them wrong. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 24/11/2018 17:30

Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess. The first thing my son said was, "Did you bring pizza?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 855

You deserved it 366

What just happened?

By Danny is pissed - 01/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, after a bad week I ordered a large pizza, ready to binge-watch TV. The delivery guy shows up, I hand him the cash, and he left without giving me my pizza. Exhausted, I watched him leave, like a confused puppy. I called the pizzeria; he'd left the pizza somewhere else, and couldn't re-deliver it because their driver was "done for the night.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 169

Pizzagate

By Drama - 27/10/2024 15:00 - United States - Miami

Today, after I'd decided to give online dating another shot and I matched with someone who seemed interesting, during our actual date our conversation quickly devolved into a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. I ended up blocking her after she sent me a thesis on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 491

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 14/02/2023 22:00

Today, I took my date to a restaurant but I had no idea how picky of an eater she is. Our waiter had to practically use 3 pages in his notebook just to write down all her special requests for this single meal. By the end, I could see he really wanted to ask if she was being serious or taking the piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 121

Pizza > Love

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 114

Hangry

By Anonymous - 08/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 702

Leftovers

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 183

Masterchef

By Anonymous - 21/08/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 176

Woof!

By NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - 23/01/2023 01:30 - United States

Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 161

Come on, man

By Steve - 24/09/2021 17:01

Today, I went to a White Sox game, and tried to purchase some pizza. There was a huge line behind me, and as soon as I got the pizza, the lady at the register told me that my card was declined. I tried 3 more times and still declined. Turns out Geico charged me twice on my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 107

Hangry time

By ohforcheese - 19/01/2012 20:19 - United States

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say, "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 650

You deserved it 8 566

Never again

By Phillip - 20/01/2025 03:00 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I ordered a pizza with extra cheese and no tomatoes. The pizza delivery guy handed me the box, and as I opened it, I discovered that they had delivered me a pizza… with only tomatoes and no cheese. I called the pizza place to complain, but they just said, “Well, tomatoes are technically fruit, so it’s healthy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 112

Sounds delicious

By Bible John - 11/11/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, in a rush, I attempted to microwave leftover pizza slices. Unbeknownst to me, I accidentally hit the 'defrost' button, turning the pizza into a lukewarm soggy mess. I guess pizza should never be reheated in 'thaw mode'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 357

New receipe just dropped

By Anonymous - 29/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, feeling ravenous and hungover, I sneakily ate my roommate’s leftover pizza. Halfway through, I realized it wasn’t pizza, it was a frozen waffle with ketchup and cheese they’d left in the box as a trap. I fell for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 1 098

Leftovers

By Anonymous - 16/09/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to my cat licking my face. Cute, right? Turns out, she was licking the crumbs off my cheek from last night's pizza party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 531

Did I teach you NOTHING?

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 00:00

Today, I ordered pizza for dinner and left cash by the door so my son could pay for it, in case it arrived before I got home. I told him they should get all the money, but I just found the tip. Apparently he thought I'd miscounted. I'm a server. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 193

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 845

You deserved it 11 903

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Trauma Accident Kids Embarrassing Work Money You're fired Teenagers Pranks Poopoo peepee Transportation NSFW Sex Intimacy Parenting Family Cheating Love Fight Miscellaneous Awkward Lonely Shopping AITA Make up Dreams Medication Liar Weird Weddings

The Top

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 487

You deserved it 8 872

Today, I started to fill out a job application online, with age being one of the first things I put in. After half an hour and 40 questions, I hit submit. I was then told that I wasn't old enough to apply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 244

You deserved it 414

Today, after dating the love of my life for a year, my parents refuse to give their blessing for us to be engaged, because he's two years younger than me and "people change as they age." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 683

You deserved it 4 398

Today, my grandma was arrested for throwing her cane at a man who she thought was mocking her walk. That man was my boyfriend's father, who limps because of his cerebral palsy. He refuses to drop the assault charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 862

You deserved it 659

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313 957

You deserved it 44 100

Today, I remembered that I have a mood tracker my therapist gave me that I haven't filled out. Because I wasn't in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 424