Pizza

Deep dish

By Grauncho - 22/09/2012 14:12 - United States - Chicago

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 740

You deserved it 3 623

Pizza > Love

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 113

Hungry eyes

By choldcreations - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 476

You deserved it 42 070

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 843

You deserved it 11 901

Asshole Design

By thehaystackerine - 01/03/2020 12:00

Today, I bought a slice of pizza at my favorite gas station. Upon opening the box, I found that the lone piece of pepperoni visible through the window on the box was in fact the only piece on the whole slice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 314

Delivered

By Matt - 30/04/2019 02:00

Today, I got a call saying I was successful in my interview to be a pizza delivery driver. As I picked up my contract and got in my car, I reversed sideways into a pole and ripped off my front bumper. The manager came out and helped jam the bumper in so I could make it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 738

Never again

By Phillip - 20/01/2025 03:00 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I ordered a pizza with extra cheese and no tomatoes. The pizza delivery guy handed me the box, and as I opened it, I discovered that they had delivered me a pizza… with only tomatoes and no cheese. I called the pizza place to complain, but they just said, “Well, tomatoes are technically fruit, so it’s healthy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 111

Response times

By woahheylex - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 5 436

Bon appétit

By Anonymous - 20/03/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza for delivery, and when it arrived, the box was completely empty except for a receipt and a piece of lettuce. I called the restaurant, and they insisted I must’ve eaten it all, and was just pretending. I took a picture of the empty box and the soggy piece of lettuce to prove them wrong. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 84

Karen strikes again

By fucking Karens! - 11/08/2020 14:02

Today, I got lost searching for an apartment in a huge complex. A hysterical woman started screaming that I didn’t belong there, and that she was calling the police. She stood behind my car so I couldn’t leave. I’m a pizza delivery driver, in full uniform and with the company emblem on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 024

You deserved it 167

By Anonymous - 24/11/2018 17:30

Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess. The first thing my son said was, "Did you bring pizza?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 854

You deserved it 365

But… I'm hungry!

By Anonymous - 05/04/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I ordered a pizza for delivery after a long day. When the delivery guy showed up, I realized I had no cash, so I tried to pay him using my credit card. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember the PIN, and after three failed attempts, the delivery guy just stared at me in awkward silence and said, "It’s okay, I’ll just take the pizza back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 508

Woof!

By NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - 23/01/2023 01:30 - United States

Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 161

Hangry

By Anonymous - 08/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 699

Currency

By PizzaBwaaay - 03/05/2022 22:00

Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 1 503

Thanks!

By Yuri - 29/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I opened the door to a pizza delivery guy. I hadn't order any, but I thought maybe my roommate had. As he handed me the box, I said, "Thanks, you too" when he told me to enjoy my meal. He stopped, looked confused, and said, "Wait, what?" before leaving. I then realized my roommate was out of town and I’d just taken someone else’s pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 392

New receipe just dropped

By Anonymous - 29/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, feeling ravenous and hungover, I sneakily ate my roommate’s leftover pizza. Halfway through, I realized it wasn’t pizza, it was a frozen waffle with ketchup and cheese they’d left in the box as a trap. I fell for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 1 087

Pizzagate

By Drama - 27/10/2024 15:00 - United States - Miami

Today, after I'd decided to give online dating another shot and I matched with someone who seemed interesting, during our actual date our conversation quickly devolved into a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. I ended up blocking her after she sent me a thesis on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 490

Come on, man

By Steve - 24/09/2021 17:01

Today, I went to a White Sox game, and tried to purchase some pizza. There was a huge line behind me, and as soon as I got the pizza, the lady at the register told me that my card was declined. I tried 3 more times and still declined. Turns out Geico charged me twice on my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 107

Leftovers

By Anonymous - 16/09/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to my cat licking my face. Cute, right? Turns out, she was licking the crumbs off my cheek from last night's pizza party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 528

Pizza mystery

By Pick out the picks - 24/09/2022 15:30 - United States

Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 135

Give me a break

By anon - 18/02/2023 06:00

Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 204

Leftovers

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 183

Foreplay

By Anonymous - 18/12/2022 09:00

Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 171

Sounds delicious

By Bible John - 11/11/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, in a rush, I attempted to microwave leftover pizza slices. Unbeknownst to me, I accidentally hit the 'defrost' button, turning the pizza into a lukewarm soggy mess. I guess pizza should never be reheated in 'thaw mode'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 354

I like what you've done with the place

By Tyrez - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Boulder

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 337

You deserved it 1 878

Classic

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 16:30 - United States - Enterprise

Today, I ordered a large stuffed crust supreme pizza for myself. When I picked it up, I asked for extra plates and napkins so the cashier wouldn't know I don't have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 580

Pizza? In this economy?

By I do cook just FYI - 05/06/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, yet again, we have a fridge full of food, but my wife asked if we can order pizza in front of the kids, who all started jumping in excitement yelling, "PIZZA!" Now I can either say no and deal with pouting and tantrums, or waste money on crappy pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 143

Nice try, Karen

By munchkin77 - 15/12/2021 20:01

Today, as a pizza delivery driver, I delivered to a customer with young kids. She gave the pizzas to one of her kids to take inside, where the kid dropped them and it went everywhere. She then rang the store and claimed that I'd dropped the pizzas, then told her to "suck it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 89

Masterchef

By Anonymous - 21/08/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 174

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. His mom didn’t know much about it, and she walked in on us. After about 5 minutes she came back up, threw a box of condoms at us, says, "Continue" and walked out. We were still fucking while she was in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 2 182

Today, I have six exams next week, and as of this morning, I also have appendicitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 74

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 740

You deserved it 4 021

Today, I found out that my family has paid for and booked a trip to Dubai without me. They weren't going to tell me until they were about to board but since I was crying that my friend ditched me for my holiday, they thought they would let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 404

You deserved it 264

Today, my partner convinced both of our little brothers that we are naming our son Obi-Wan. They now won't stop rubbing my belly and quoting Star Wars. This is going to be one long Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 554

You deserved it 1 083

Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 114