Anonymous
Sorry Sharon
Today, I tried to high-five someone but somehow ended up slapping them in the face. FML
Anonymous
I have no idea what I'm doing
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months and couldn't figure out how to use any of the equipment. FML
Anonymous
Freudian slip
Today, I accidentally sent a text message meant for my best friend to my boss. The text was about how much I hated my job and my boss's constant micromanagement. FML
Anonymous
Awkward silence
Today, I was taking notes during a meeting, and politely asked the speaker to repeat a statement. She snapped, "My time has value. I do not repeat. If you don't respect me enough to pay attention, it's your problem." Everyone just stared at me. FML
Anonymous
Matching
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. I arrived early and waited for him for over an hour. When he finally showed up, he was wearing the exact same outfit as me. FML
Marco
Mrs Popular
Today, I sent flowers to my ex, scheduled to be delivered after work in the evening. She texted me at midday thanking me for the flowers. I looked at my shipping order and they haven’t been sent yet. FML
confusedmofo
This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff
Indonesia
Don't knock it til you try it
Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML
exhausted
Knackered
Today, I got written up for “making a big show” of being exhausted at work. I was trying to hide it. FML
tokenTrans
Thurmont, United States
Acceptance
Today, like many other days, I'm too scared to correct people calling me "ma'am" at work because I live in a small, ignorant town where I've already been harassed and threatened for daring to be trans. I've already had a friend tell me I look nothing like a chick, so what's the deal with customers? FML
Trollface
This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff
Canada
Backtrack
Today, while cuddling in bed, I tried to tell my girlfriend she was cute. It came out as, "I wish you were cuter." FML
James
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
United States
Devious
Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML
too close for comfort
🌶️ Spicy
Bizarre love triangle
Today, my guy friend told me he wanted to try being with another guy. I told him I’d help him anyway I could. Who knew his “help” was him wanting me (a woman) to help him get hard since he couldn’t get it up for the guy? Guess not letting him grope me or jerk him off meant I’m unsupportive. FML
Sam
This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff
I hate to break it to you…
Today, I went to the doctor to get my swollen lymph nodes checked. As it turns out, they aren't swollen. I'm just fat. FML
Anonymous
Sheppton, United States 🌶️ Spicy
So, about Valentine's…
Today, I witnessed a drunk woman going on a manic, unhinged rant about her vagina. It would’ve been funny if she wasn’t my blind date. The worst part is that we were at my favorite restaurant, and I can probably never show my face there again. FML
Anonymous
Bayonne, United States
Always check!
Today, after eating some fire noodles the day before, I took a nice long poop in my school's bathroom, only to find out there was no toilet paper left in any of the stalls. FML
earth to lissa
Mystery
Today, I had an endoscopy and nothing wrong was found. So why have I been vomiting up everything, including water, for the past 10 days? FML
facepalm
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Dick move
Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to stop measuring his penis during our conversation. FML
why me
Back to training
Today, I started my job at a warehouse. I was the only person in my training group who needed help wrapping a pallet. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Vicious circle
Today, after months of therapy, it turns out my erectile dysfunction is basically caused by fear of my wife’s temper. I'm mentally too afraid of my wife to want sex with her, so my penis says “NO”. Also, due to my wife’s temper, I’m too afraid to tell her that I’m too scared to have sex with her. FML
letthemcomelivewithmeyouselfishtwat!
United States
Neglect
Today, I confronted my sister for teaching her kids “extreme independence”. It’s really just code for doing the absolute bare minimum required by law to keep them out of foster care so she can spend every waking moment with her new boyfriend. If I cut her out, I’ll never see my nephews again. FML
Not Jeff Goldblum
United States
Need photos please
Today, I went out in public for the first time since getting new glasses. I was mistaken for Jeff Goldblum at least a dozen times. The first few times it was amusing, but now I can see why being famous is such a headache sometimes. FML
Jaymail
Loud and unclear
Today, my hearing aids got wet because i was caught in the middle of a thunderstorm. So they stopped working. I didn’t hear this morning's alarm because I can’t hear the alarm without my hearing aids. FML
merr
Genetics
Today, despite being skinny everywhere else on my body, I have a double chin. FML
Herman
Bedford, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Protip
Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML
Anonymous
Vadodara, India
Magic System?
Today, I'm trying to study for my finals, but some local school is having an event nearby, and has decided to make life hell by playing "Magic In The Air" at full volume while some woman screams into a mic. I'm dying. The entire neighbourhood can hear their damn sports day. FML
Anonymous
Not yet
Today, my husband's friend and I realised that we have mutual feelings of attraction for each other. We're both in struggling marriages, which we don't want to give up on yet. FML
ItsAGrower
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Mini me
Today, the device I bought to gradually stretch my penis longer arrived in the mail. I'm too small to get it to stay on. FML
Soiled
United States
Streaming
Today, I lost my balance while peeing. I'll let your imagination do the rest. In the meantime, I'm going to take a shower and change my clothes. FML
Unreasonable
Kinda sus
Today, my husband referred to me as his “roommate” when I came home from work and saw his female coworker here for a visit. The one he has “work conversations” with at 11 pm. I've talked to him about it and he tells me I’m being paranoid and unreasonable. FML
30000
This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff
San Francisco, United States
Wakey wakey
Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML