Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

SPIDERS!

Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 026 You deserved it 7 369

200 comments Share

Drowned · 8 January 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Chonky boi

Today, I had a nightmare where I was drowning in the ocean. Was it because I'm unable to swim in real life? Good guess, but no. It was actually because I forgot to close my bedroom door in real life, and my very fluffy cat entered and decided to lie down on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459 You deserved it 188

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oped01 · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Cape Coral, United States

Customer of the day

Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 411 You deserved it 1 076

36 comments Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Naughty girl

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice, then we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside, she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 086 You deserved it 3 816

44 comments Share

WTF?! · 5 January 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Insensitive

Today, I was the designated emotional support person for my friend's mom as she went to have her sick cat put down. The cat was aggressive towards the male vet. She said, "She doesn't like men" to which the vet replied, "Well, soon that won't be a problem." The willpower it took both of us to not yell at him, or worse… FML

I agree, your life sucks 521 You deserved it 285

1 comment Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Telford, United Kingdom

Time to go wireless

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing, and cut through the headphone wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 370 You deserved it 3 494

30 comments Share

hank · 2 January 2024, 00:00 ·San Diego, United States

Tasty snack

Today, I was babysitting my neighbour's six hamsters. My cat got in the room and opened the cage. I came home to no hamsters in sight and a very satisfied looking cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220 You deserved it 687

3 comments Share

MikeIsMaster · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·South Africa

Bad boy

Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 602 You deserved it 5 374

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Anonymous · 24 December 2023, 22:00 ·New York, United States

This means war

Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 159

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·Netherlands

The left hand, the right hand

Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 834 You deserved it 42 542

52 comments Share

Anonymous · 13 December 2023, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

New friend

Today, my kids got me a dog to replace the dog who died last year. I don’t like dogs, our old dog was my deceased wife’s dog, and I never liked it. I cared for the dog until it died of old age and fully intended to never get another one. Now I have a hyperactive puppy destroying my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801 You deserved it 210

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Anonymous · 12 December 2023, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

Puppy love

Today, my mom is pissed and grounded me when I didn’t show girlish, squealing enthusiasm when she went out and came home with a dog; a big dog. I hate dogs, there is no creature I despise more than dogs. I prefer spiders to dogs, and she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614 You deserved it 367

3 comments Share

Harbinger of feline death · 7 December 2023, 00:00 ·United States

Harbinger of doom

Today, I visited a friend's house, where I found out he has a trio of very friendly cats in his yard. After playing with them for a bit, I went inside. An hour later, my friend informed me that one of them had died. None of them were showing any signs of being near death. I'm sad and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554 You deserved it 132

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Karine · 5 December 2023, 00:00 ·Bordeaux, France

Jealousy

Today, my dog has a better social life than I do. He has more playdates scheduled than I have actual human plans this month. I'm officially my dog's social secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404 You deserved it 229

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Anonymous · 4 December 2023, 16:00 ·Quebec, Canada

Pest control

Today, I finally fixed the flickering light in my office by tapping it with a broom. Turns out, it wasn't actually the light but a family of squirrels having a some sort of disco party in the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459 You deserved it 103

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Anonymous · 29 November 2023, 00:00

Nature calls

Today, I got to my log cabin after an hour's hiking. I lit the fire because it was freezing and my stupid dog sniffed the fire, looked me in the eye, then jumped right into the fire and knocked the logs everywhere. My cabin is now ashes and I had an hour's hike back to my car with my stupid dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595 You deserved it 200

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 27 November 2023, 18:00 ·Dallas, United States

At least…

Today, I was driving home from another long night shift at work. I live from paycheck to paycheck thanks to the current economy and can barely afford rent. To keep myself positive, I thought, "At least my car is paid off." A deer ran out in front of me and totaled my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738 You deserved it 141

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Anonymous · 26 November 2023, 18:00 ·Undeloh, Germany

I'm not worthy

Today, after having had my cat for a year, I've began to understand why people spoil their pets: Between me and her, I want at least one of us to have the easy, comfortable life she deserves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441 You deserved it 176

3 comments Share

RatFailure · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Compacted

Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 968 You deserved it 3 866

139 comments Share

chew toy · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff ·Newcastle Upon Tyne, United Kingdom

Tasty

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 580 You deserved it 971

11 comments Share

Shiva · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Niort, France

Bad boy

Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 806 You deserved it 9 682

5 comments Share

ugh Buck! · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·United States

Not the smartest

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 497 You deserved it 4 561

67 comments Share

Cats...FML · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Caturday surprise!

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 632 You deserved it 3 433

159 comments Share

NotASpiderMan · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Seattle, United States

Creeped out

Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 983 You deserved it 6 229

29 comments Share

CatOwner · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Fundies

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 290 You deserved it 3 388

129 comments Share

Sleepdeprived · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Falmouth, United States

As a treat

Today, I bought some crickets as a treat for my lizard. One escaped and somehow got into the heating system in my room. The chirping is amplified and comes from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Goodbye, restful sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 468 You deserved it 9 996

69 comments Share

Anonymous · 9 November 2023, 06:00 ·Canada

Close call

Today, I went on a relaxing nature hike to de-stress. I got lost for hours, encountered a bear, and had to play dead, only for the bear to steal my sandwich then sit there for hours before finally leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584 You deserved it 182

4 comments Share

crapped on · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Second class citizen

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 584 You deserved it 4 265

118 comments Share

ouch · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Wilmington, United States

Hang in there

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 829 You deserved it 4 995

73 comments Share

ppppp · 26 October 2023, 20:00

A bit too many Fall vibes

Today, I eagerly jumped into a pile of leaves, only to discover via the stench that the neighborhood cats have obviously been using it as their makeshift litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209 You deserved it 458

1 comment Share