All the FMLs

Alexa, play "Jobseeker" by Sleaford Mods

By Probably Not - 09/12/2023 09:00 - France - Paris

Today, after 6 years of marriage, my wife called me toxic and abusive. All because I asked her if she's going to find a job, as it's getting harder for me to take care of everything, and we need more money at the moment. She's been unemployed for almost two years already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 133

I'm watching you

By tappedants - 08/12/2023 23:00 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, my husband has a biker chick Facebook friend and this morning he posted on her page, calling her "the prettiest girl at the barn dance." She's a "friend" of mine as well, so I saw it in my feed. I asked him WTH? He got mad at me, accused me of spying on him, and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 138

The strangeness of strangers

By Hank Gummyworm - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 533

You deserved it 4 412

Overzealous milkers

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, most of my immediate family do nothing but criticise me for not breastfeeding. My mom even threatened to call CPS for child abuse, no matter how many times I explain I physically don’t produce milk, and formula feeding is literally my only option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 140

Record scratch moment

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend introduced me to her best male friend, a creepy "Nice Guy" type. When she went to the bathroom, he came closer to me and said, "She thinks she likes you, but I'm destined to be with her, I saw it in the stars. Nobody can love her like me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 137

Proselytism

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 16:00 - Brazil - São Paulo

Today, after many days of glances, smiles, and small talk, I tried to kiss a man from my gym in the parking lot. He dodged and asked why. I said I thought it was what he wanted, given his apparent interest. He said that he's only like that because he does missionary work, and wanted to become a friend. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 828

Alexa, play "Can't Stand Me Now" by The Libertines

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, after weeks of slaving away, I finally wrapped up the last house project on the backlog. I decided to take a day to relax around the house in celebration. My wife spent all day following me around, moaning that I never go anywhere, and that she never gets any space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 114

Welcome back

By pixie_pix13 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store, I threw my hands up and yelled, "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 3 449

You talking to me?

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 01:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was on the train and a woman approached me from behind and told me that if I didn’t stop staring at her, she’d kill me slowly and painfully, then she pulled out a switchblade to support her argument. I wasn’t looking at her at all and was in fact looking in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 91

Healing

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Neptune City

Today, after dealing with a monstrously painful canker sore for the last two weeks, it finally healed up. I was so relieved that I went out to lunch… and immediately stabbed myself in the gums with a tortilla chip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 167

Mucus factory

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus, or blowing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 867

You deserved it 3 150

Content warning

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 00:00 - Germany

Today, I was working from home and had an important meeting with my superiors. It was fine until my sleepy wife came in and asked if I could find a better time for calls. I didn't notice her right away and failed to disable my camera. She was fully naked, and I received an email about inappropriate behaviour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 184

Misquoted

By Anonymous - 07/12/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the motivational quote I've been living by for months is actually from a misattributed SpongeBob SquarePants meme. No wonder my colleagues looked at me strangely during team meetings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 558

Toxic workplace

By Thanks, pal - 07/12/2023 15:00 - British Virgin Islands

Today, my subordinate didn't come to work. I called him several times, and it seemed like he just overslept, which has happened before. As I was filing the report about this, the police came to interrogate me because this guy took his life last night and blamed us in his note. I have no idea what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 583

Jesus H Christ

By bastard - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a Nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming, "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 866

You deserved it 4 543

Let's offroad!

By Anonymous - 07/12/2023 15:00 - Australia

Today, my GPS led me to a "shortcut" that took me through a winding dirt road in the middle of nowhere. My car got stuck in the mud, and the tow truck driver told me I was the third person he's pulled out this week from the same "shortcut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 176

Learn from the master

By Moni - 07/12/2023 12:00

Today, I received a LinkedIn connection request from my mom. Turns out, she's way better at networking than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 192

Throw them into a volcano

By stinkstinkman - 07/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I failed to notice a nice ripe pile of dog poop on my front yard until I got to work. I tried to clean my shoe off with alcohol wipes in the bathroom. Not only did it barely work, the wipes are non-flushable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 175

There's no justice

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 895

You deserved it 2 633

Harbinger of doom

By Harbinger of feline death - 06/12/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I visited a friend's house, where I found out he has a trio of very friendly cats in his yard. After playing with them for a bit, I went inside. An hour later, my friend informed me that one of them had died. None of them were showing any signs of being near death. I'm sad and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 132

The golden rule of WhatsApp

By Atmaj - 07/12/2023 02:30 - India - Pune

Today, we got a notification about a test in my official college group. I decided to bitch about it with my friends in our group… Unfortunately, I didn't realise I'd actually said all of it in the official college group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 817

Brain worms

By stupidface - 06/12/2023 14:00 - United States - Neptune City

Today, I bought my third replacement cable for my new laptop after the last two didn't fit. I was about to go and buy another one when I realized that the charging port was actually on the other side and the hole I had been trying to fit the cable in was the headphone port. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 970

Fore!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2023 12:00 - United States - Cary

Today, while playing golf on a local course, my idiot of a friend decided to push his pushcart down a massive hill towards me. When he realized that I was going to be hit, he screamed for me to move, but it was too late. I collapsed to the ground in pain, all while he chuckled about the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 122

NOT THE MAN BUN!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I watched my future son-in-law try and fail to parallel park 8 times before he gave up and started crying. That’s the 4th time he’s cried this weekend. I’m trying so hard to understand why my daughter loves him. He’s an unemployed little crybaby, with a man bun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 255

That one Orson Welles .gif

By I AM SO BORED - 06/12/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I sent a message to vent about my boring team meeting to the team group chat instead of to my friend. Everyone responded with a virtual slow clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 758

Suspicious activity

By Anonymous - 06/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was working on entering a lot of information in the system. When I'd finished, I closed the screen to move on to the next steps, my boss came by to see how I was doing, just in time to see me looking at a now-blank screen. I'm convinced that my boss thinks I closed a screen that wasn't work related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 130

Just in case

By DesperateMother - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - France - Wasselonne

Today, my 16-year-old daughter handed me the picture she wants TV reports to use if ever she happens to get kidnapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 236

You deserved it 1 171

Tough choices

By Anonymous - 05/12/2023 20:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I was told by my doctor that I could keep taking my Rheumatoid Arthritis meds and be severely depressed, or go off of them, possibly not be depressed, but be in extreme pain. I’m deciding between my mental health and physical health and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 114

Mommy issues

By Anonymous - 05/12/2023 17:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, six years after I gave up my newborn to my sister to raise, I finally told him I’m his real mom. In response, my sister took out a restraining order against me and blocked all forms of contact. The entire family has sided with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 1 846

Please leave me alone

By Getting an F - 05/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I tried to get ready for a final. I had about six hours to study. My girlfriend decided to help by jabbering loudly in my ear about celebrity gossip, noisily cleaning the office and losing my notes, and getting in a screaming argument with her mom over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 175

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 990

You deserved it 8 989

Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 214

You deserved it 5 043

Today, my mental illness hit rock bottom when I caught myself wishing I was buried next to my dog because nothing makes me happy anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 65

Today, I woke up to my step-mother taking a shower in my bathroom. Of course, this would be fine, if my bathroom wasn't connected to my room and closet, or that I live in an apartment in their back yard, built before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 147

Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 185

Today, my thesis deadline is on June 6th. The ethics committee are still deciding whether to allow me to do my study or not. They've been deciding for five whole months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 104