All the FMLs

Vacation blues

By Anonymous - 24/03/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I set aside an entire week off to watch my parents' house while they went on vacation. I'd only just got here and they'd barely left when the hospital called. My drunk uncle died from a concussion, so my parents cancelled everything. I feel bad for my aunt, but my boss knows where I live, and my dad's an ass. I'm trapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 103

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 24/03/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 222

You're not my real mom

By violatedbuttcrack - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 695

You deserved it 5 482

Chocolate for days

By Juan Carr - 23/03/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, my wife informed me that on Easter Sunday we are going to Cornwall to celebrate her dad's 85th birthday. He lives there. Only an idiot travels to Cornwall on a bank holiday weekend, because you are guaranteed to sit in stationary traffic for six hours, then six hours on the way back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 145

I told you so

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my parents brought home lunch from a shady grocery store deli. They mused about how hard I am to feed because I turned it down; the last time I ate anything from there, it gave me botulism, and it tastes horrible anyway. They both got sick. Now I'm playing nurse to both. No apologies yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 79

Stealing the scene

By Silverfeathery - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 150

You deserved it 3 862

Caturday surprise!

By Somebody out there on Earth - 23/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was going outside and finding that there were two very friendly cats right at the front door. The worst part of my day was quickly shutting the door while trying to stop my cat from charging at them. I now have scars to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 132

Kinda scammy

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I didn’t get a job as a teaching assistant because during my interview, in which I taught a class, I was rated as “not preparing adequate teaching materials in advance”, all because I didn’t provide my own A4 paper. I’m unemployed and the school expected me to buy classroom materials for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 122

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 329

Wasps, what the **** do they want?

By Owie - 23/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, a wasp somehow got into my parents' house, so I went hunting for it with my dad. I found it and, after getting into position, took a strong swing at it with a fly swatter. Unfortunately, being very uncoordinated, I missed. You can figure out the rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 237

Finger lickin'

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Brecksville

Today, I smelled chicken nuggets and asked my boyfriend if he was making some. He wasn't. It was my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 604

You deserved it 43 899

You knew the risks…

By Kathie - 22/03/2024 19:00 - United States

Today, I got dumped. This man was my soulmate. His parents don’t like me cause I was his side chick while he was married. I know it was wrong, but the heart wants what it wants. Apparently his parents can’t let bygones be bygones, so now I’m single again and heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 1 566

Sacked

By Anonymous - 22/03/2024 17:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, my younger sister saw one of my friends "sack tap" me, and randomly did it to me herself as I walked past her. She doesn't get why it's "funny" when my friend does it but not as funny when she does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 543

Another pro-shoe argument

By where's the epipen - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, I accidentally stepped on a dead bee. The stinger was still intact. How do I know? It stung my foot. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 258

You deserved it 1 001

People person

By Validate me please - 22/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, I found out that having a "praise kink" is apparently not normal. I didn't even know that was a thing. I thought wanting validation was something that applied to everyone. How comforting it is to know that regularly seeking approval from others is considered abnormal. My mental health is real messed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 189

Muscle mass?

By Anonymous - 22/03/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after drastically changing my diet, going to the gym regularly, avoiding excess sugar and carbs, upping my protein, I’m still as fat as ever. In fact I weighed myself this morning, and I’ve gained 12lbs in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 156

Home invasion !

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 00:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I woke up to find my entire lounge floor crawling with maggots. Our whole house is clean, and they’re big enough to be days old, yet showed up overnight. I still have no idea where they’ve come from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 91

Cooked out

By Anonymous - 22/03/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I got invited to a cookout. The host apologized as I got there because the hamburger meat had gone bad, and all they had were hot dogs, which I can't eat because they give me the runs. It was either that or starve, because I don't get paid until tomorrow. I wrote this on my ninth trip to the can this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 216

Red tape

By Unemployed - 22/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, Social Security is docking my benefits because I have a job. That's normal… Except I haven't had a job since November 2023. After my old boss left, she was replaced by an ableist prick who fired me as soon as he realized that I'm disabled. No matter what I do, they refuse to believe me. Help? FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 123

Dressed for success

By bitchsawmebuyit - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize I'd lost my receipt. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 751

You deserved it 4 788

Poor kitty

By My poor baby :(((( - 21/03/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out that when a cat loses a fight with a swarm of bees, the swelling from the stings can make it look like a cartoon character. My cat's nose looks like Operation Man's nose, and his paws are comically massive. I feel so horrible for laughing, but the vet bill will bring me back to reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 187

Chill out, Gramps

By Chris T - 21/03/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend’s friends secretly make fun of me. They call me “grandpa” and a “massive creep.” They’re in their 20s. My girlfriend is 22 and I’m 48. Apparently, dating a consenting legal adult is considered “creepy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 2 101

Unprofessional

By Anonymous - 21/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, a coworker sent a last-minute request for a highly complex custom report based on a spreadsheet. It took most of the weekend and Monday to get right because he'd screwed up most of the calculations. The client was pissed; they'd wanted it done by 5PM GMT that Friday. He'd sat on the request until 5 EST Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 87

Cautionary tale

By jogginglikeitsmyjob - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Boston

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 510

You deserved it 7 158

Meaningful

By Just a guy - 21/03/2024 14:00 - Netherlands - Delfzijl

Today, I learned that the word "cancer" is so misused on social media platforms as a swear word, it's difficult to place a comment explaining that I have cancer without getting an automated response like, "Comment under moderation" or "Comment under review." FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 104

Grief and lies

By Anonymous - 21/03/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I attended my boyfriend's funeral. His entire family never accepted me and hadn’t spoken to him in 4 years. I had to listen to his brother give the eulogy, and every word out of his mouth about my boyfriend was a lie. They barely knew him, yet I could only sit in the back of the church, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 91

This sucks

By dale - 21/03/2024 01:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I’m 24. I can either be employed and have money, but having to work weekend nights and have scattered days off, or I can be unemployed and not have money to go out enjoy my city. I haven’t had a weekend to myself since high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 412

Jacked

By Anonymous - 21/03/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife asked when I was going back to the gym because I am developing a belly, which she finds disgusting. I've just had surgery on my thigh, which was her fault for asking, “What’s this thing do?” while grabbing the handle to the jack holding up my car, dropping the car on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 105

Quack quack quack

By mikki_arlert - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 939

You deserved it 779

AMAB

By Anonymous - 20/03/2024 18:00 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I recently found out that I have a uterus and ovaries, even though I was born male. I told my doctor about my monthly pain, he did some blood tests and body scans, and then told me I have a uterus and ovaries but no vagina or birth canal. That explains my monthly pains since my teen years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 105

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I have a family but I just feel all alone and unloved, almost on the verge of depression. I just wanna cry. My wife is always threatening me with divorce and says she can’t stand the sight of me, and my son hates me. I just wanna feel like somebody is there for me and that I can lean on someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 170

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 714

You deserved it 29 904

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 338

You deserved it 6 296

Today, I spent an hour making my favorite work lunches, then portioning them out so I could have them all week. I later came home to a pile of empty containers. My girlfriend said, "Sorry, I got the munchies. Also, can you please do the dishes?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 164

Today, while I was at work, my dumbass husband gave his dead rabbit a Viking funeral by sending it down the river behind our house in a crate he set on fire. It got stuck on a tree, which caught on fire, along with the field and the warehouse next to the field. The police think he did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 645

You deserved it 179

Today, I had to stay late at work. My husband made me take a video of myself punching out, to prove I wasn't cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 053

You deserved it 6 450