No money, honey! · 5 March 2025, 09:00 ·Makati City, Philippines

Caring is sharing

Today, I got a call from the lawyer of my recently deceased neighbor, whom I once cared for. He apparently left me and his second daughter, whom he knows I had a huge crush on when we were kids, a vast amount, but we will only get it after we get married. He had severe dementia, and she's already been married for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539 You deserved it 66

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Dani · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Stranger danger

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 343 You deserved it 2 692

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Anonymous · 5 March 2025, 03:00 ·Minneapolis, United States

Sounds more like a "you" problem

Today, in the changing room at my gym, you'd never see my D. I'm very strategic and my towel or shirt will always block it. Today there was a dad-bod walking nude to the mirror without a towel. I saw his. There was bush of hair surrounding a pale pink little acorn. How does he have the confidence? How is he not shy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 118 You deserved it 625

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Sore · 5 March 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Five second rule

Today, I tried to get a Chloraseptic tablet for my sore throat. As soon as I put it in my mouth, I got the urge to sneeze. When I sneezed, the force of the sneeze caused me to accidentally spit it out… right into the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344 You deserved it 104

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Sky Deleter · 4 March 2025, 22:00 ·Brooklyn, United States

Punching

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents for the first time. My dad took one look at him, sighed and said, "You deserve someone better. Someone who is responsible, and has their priorities straight in life." Beyond upset, I told my dad that I love him. My dad disgruntledly responded, "I was talking to him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 428 You deserved it 213

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FuhhTynderMaye · 4 March 2025, 20:00 ·United States

Hang in there, man

Today, I found out I got HIV. I’ve used condoms with all my Tinder hookups and never shared needles or anything with anyone. I was supposed to have a Tinder date tonight. Guess I’ll just be single forever then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504 You deserved it 337

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dykerino · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Vancouver, Canada

Fellas, is it gay to date a woman?

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 175 You deserved it 7 718

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Plugged · 4 March 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Plug me in

Today, I found out that when you put Kleenex up your nose to stop it from constantly draining snot, it is possible for it to rip and get stuck in your nose when you try to take it out. Words cannot describe how incredibly uncomfortable that was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270 You deserved it 299

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Baffled · 4 March 2025, 12:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Soggy mess

Today, my wife went and bought a set of fancy, expensive towels and threw all our old towels away. These new towels don't dry. I've been rubbing myself for ten minutes and I'm still wet. How did she buy expensive, broken towels? How do you make a towel that doesn't dry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 483 You deserved it 92

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Anonymous · 4 March 2025, 09:00 ·Grand Junction, United States

Manifesto?

Today, I woke up to news that a document had been made about me and about 50% of my friends left me behind after reading it. None of the alleged acts are true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414 You deserved it 101

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jtaylor94 · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Not on the weekend

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 505 You deserved it 43 193

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Anonymous · 4 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Power shortage

Today, I've worked for the power company for six years. My wife and her family still don't understand that I don't control their power bills, I can't give them a discount, and I can't answer their questions since I don't work in Billing. Every month, it's the same tired arguments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534 You deserved it 72

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Anonymous · 4 March 2025, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Hush!

Today, I received a letter signed “anonymously” by at least 6 of my neighbours that unless I do something about my loud nightmares they’re going to start calling the police every time it happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461 You deserved it 149

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Leighton on C · 3 March 2025, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Miscommunication

Today, I was texting my crush and I wanted to send him a cute emoji to show I was thinking of him. Instead of sending the "heart eyes" emoji, I hit the "poop" emoji. The worst part? He responded with, "Yeah, I'm a piece of shit, thanks for reminding me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 166 You deserved it 397

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jon · 3 March 2025, 20:00 ·San Diego, United States

FOMO

Today, I woke up feeling unlovable after my ex left me for a wealthy BMW owner last week. I clocked into my job at CVS. I had a teenage surfer guy purchasing magnum condoms, a drunk guy buying liquor with two hot blondes around his shoulders, and my high school crush came in to buy plan B. My youth is passing me by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421 You deserved it 139

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Klamp18 · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Sorry not sorry

Today, I attached fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 123 You deserved it 54 940

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Nadia · 3 March 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Which way now?

Today, it's been two years since my fiancé proposed, drunk, and with no ring. Recently, I overheard him on a Zoom call with a work colleague who'd not talked to him since he was with his last girlfriend, who was much more attractive than I am. The colleague asked if they were still together and he lied and said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464 You deserved it 132

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Heartbroken · 3 March 2025, 12:00 ·Cardiff, United Kingdom

Rosy picture

Today, my son complained that he didn't want to go to school. My husband asked, "Want to swap? You can go work all day, come home tired, and your only reward is a whiny wife and bratty child griping and complaining and expecting you to fix every problem." Part of me died when I heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505 You deserved it 474

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Anonymous · 3 March 2025, 09:00 ·Sullivan, United States

Scramble time

Today, I found out that all the birthday presents and decorations I bought for my son's birthday got lost in transit. I ordered them two weeks in advance, just in case something went wrong. His birthday is today and his party is tomorrow. Guess who's going to be making a Walmart trip… FML

I agree, your life sucks 455 You deserved it 99

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SuperBunny · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 026 You deserved it 62 612

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Not telling you in a million years · 3 March 2025, 03:00 ·Canada

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Today, I had just sat down and taken a dump in a public restroom when I realized there was no toilet paper. I tried to discreetly call for help, but no one heard me. My only option was to text a friend and have them bring me some. The worst part? My friend ended up texting me, "You called for backup?" as I waited in humiliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210 You deserved it 291

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Polly Molly · 3 March 2025, 00:00 ·Tula, Russia

Bike lock from Wish dot com

Today, I rode my brand new shiny bicycle to work for the first time. I didn’t have time to figure out how my new lock worked, so I changed the 0000 code to some combination just to find it locked as I came back. After watching a tutorial and trying for 30 minutes, I just cracked it with pliers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 510

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I hate myself · 2 March 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Perfect performance

Today, I walked into a café for the first time, and as I opened the door, I slammed it into the face of a poor barista. Embarrassed, I tried to apologize while holding the door open for a woman behind me, only to have my hand slip and the door crash into her as well. I then stood there, frozen, as both of them just stared at me as I apologized with, "I swear I'm not a moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 400 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Old dog, new tricks

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 032 You deserved it 47 450

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Kareen N · 2 March 2025, 15:00 ·Kansas City, United States

It seems like it's only going to get worse

Today, I'm suffering with an acute and weird form of misophonia. I get irrationally triggered and angry whenever I hear someone say words and phrases like, "at a level that nobody's ever seen before", "radical left", "like you wouldn't believe", "nobody’s ever seen anything like it", and "drill baby drill." I need professional help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244 You deserved it 465

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Health nut

Today, my boyfriend has always been a health nut, but he's really started going off the deep end lately. He's gone from just disliking fast food to a lunatic yelling about organ meat (YUCK), seed oils, and microplastics, as well as other things I don't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 196

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 09:00 ·Australia

I hate dancing

Today, I was at a wedding and I reluctantly joined the dance floor. As soon as I started dancing, I felt my trousers rip. Trying to save face, I kept dancing, hoping no one would notice. A few minutes later, I realized my silk boxer shorts were completely visible to the entire party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161 You deserved it 413

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Stinky · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff ·Roanoke, United States

Give some, take some

Today, I learned that some days you win, and some days you clean up skunk carcass with a snow shovel, in the rain, in formerly waterproof boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 410 You deserved it 370

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Sunday funday

Today, I spilled a bottle of honey on the floor while preparing breakfast. As I frantically tried to clean it up, my cat deemed it the perfect opportunity to slide and pad through the sticky mess like a slip-n-slide. Now, I have a honey-coated cat, a ruined floor, and a sticky mess to clean up before my roommates get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 124

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 00:00 ·Anaheim, United States

Hey good lookin'

Today, I realized that whether it takes me 3 minutes or 3 hours to get ready, my husband always has the same reaction, “Uh… yeah babe, you look fine.” Thanks for the confidence boost babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183 You deserved it 442

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