Anonymous · 8 March 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Hangry

Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 You deserved it 717

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notnicefools · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·San Diego, United States

Chill zone

Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 068 You deserved it 2 370

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Anonymous · 8 March 2025, 15:00 ·Windsor, Canada

How are people still doing this?

Today, I texted my friend to ask if she wanted to grab lunch. She didn't respond, so I followed up with, "You alive? Or just avoiding me?" An hour later, I realized I'd texted my boss. He replied with a very professional, "I’m alive, thank you for asking. Lunch is a bit early for me today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 499

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Anonymous · 8 March 2025, 12:00 ·Iowa City, United States

A lot to take in

Today, I'm hopping on a flight to Florida to pay my final respects to a friend. In December I had to attend the funeral of a friend's young daughter who just didn't wake up one day. In the following two weeks I lost a friend to a heart attack, a friend to suicide, and two friends to cancer. Tomorrow I attend my final funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650 You deserved it 110

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I'mtoooldforthis · 8 March 2025, 09:00 ·United States

Knackered

Today, my toddler is sick yet again. The only way he will sleep is me walking with him. It's 2:30 am, and I'm supposed to start back to full time employment in… 5 hours. Parenthood is not for the weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468 You deserved it 141

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Painful · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Nuts

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 117 You deserved it 40 266

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Anonymous · 8 March 2025, 03:00 ·Portland, United States

Dinner date

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Halfway through dinner, I noticed my mascara was smudging, so I tried to discreetly wipe it off with my napkin. As I looked up, my date was staring at me with wide eyes. Apparently, I had smeared it all over my face and I looked like a raccoon. He didn’t even offer to help me fix it, just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347 You deserved it 225

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Anonymous · 8 March 2025, 00:00 ·Los Angeles, United States

School sucks

Today, I had a substitute for science and I was standing at the stationary table when some other guy came over and made the thing wobble. The whole thing fell over and I got all the blame. Then I was sitting with my friends at lunch but another friend came back right when my crush was gonna sit next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296 You deserved it 150

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htiek · 7 March 2025, 22:00 ·Thornhill, Canada

Wheeler dealer

Today, my wife ripped my head off because my brother-in-law is buying a commercial office building in Moncton and I wasn’t the agent that found him the property. I sell commercial real estate in GTA. I don’t even know where Moncton is on a map. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 118

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Anna · 7 March 2025, 20:00 ·United States

Not a people person

Today, I tried to sneak out of a family gathering without anyone noticing. As I tiptoed toward the door, I stepped on my aunt's prized chihuahua's squeaky toy. The entire house went silent as it squeaked at quite the volume, and everyone turned to stare at me. My "escape" turned into the most dramatic exit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284 You deserved it 248

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imaginationdarling · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Phoenix, United States

Comforting

Today, I was at my retail job and we had to change the mannequin's outfit. I had to hold her while my manager grabbed the new outfit. I rested my head on her naked plastic chest, and it was the closest I've got to affection in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 783 You deserved it 7 383

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anonymous dude · 7 March 2025, 15:00 ·Australia

Social cues

Today, I was saying goodbye to a friend after a long day out. I went for a hug, and as I pulled away, I kissed her on the cheek for some reason. Realising it was an awkward mistake, I pulled back even more and said, "Sorry, I thought you were my mum." She looked at me confused, and we both stood there in complete silence for what felt like hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 You deserved it 437

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Anonymous · 7 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Self own + Karma

Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 You deserved it 1 897

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Infinimaster · 7 March 2025, 09:00 ·Gainesville, United States

Giving up my exes for Lent

Today, I was having a great night, until I went to church for Ash Wednesday. I walked in the door and let the other ushers know I was there. All was going fine until I happened to glance over at the front doors of the church and see my ex walking in. My mood was shit for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173 You deserved it 404

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marz88 · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

With friends like these…

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 119 You deserved it 7 255

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Newbrokehome · 7 March 2025, 03:00 ·Pleasant Hope, United States

No contact

Today, I'm closing on my first house. Everyone's congratulating me, but all I can think about is the impending fallout when I tell my abusive, psychotic mother she's not welcome and the family sides with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532 You deserved it 101

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CrumblGirl · 6 March 2025, 22:00 ·United States

As a treat

Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 6 March 2025, 20:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Renewed energy

Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233 You deserved it 398

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anonymous · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Danger zone

Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 363 You deserved it 334

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Kayla · 6 March 2025, 15:00 ·United States

His little secret

Today, my boyfriend of over a year still refuses to acknowledge our relationship on social media because he “wants to keep things private.” He posts about his dogs, his car, gym selfies, his beer outings with the boys, even his favorite team scores, but when it comes to me, suddenly it’s “I want to keep it private.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 494 You deserved it 204

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Lili · 6 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

I'll do anything

Today, I texted my best friend, “Good luck with your date tonight! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” She replied, "Thanks! I’ll try not to, but to be honest, that’s not saying much." I meant it as a joke, but she had no idea what I meant. It seems that I accidentally implied I’m a bad influence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 404

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Anonymous · 6 March 2025, 09:00 ·Newark, United States

Never enough, never

Today, I got promoted at work and was excited to tell my mom. When I called her, she immediately asked, “What does this mean for my retirement fund?” and then asked how much I was going to be making. I told her, and she responded, “Oh. That’s nice, but when are you getting a real job?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 499 You deserved it 95

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unlucky neighbors · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Shanghai, China

Make yourselves at home

Today, I was staying at a seedy apartment. A group of drunken idiots next door decided it would be fun to run into the wall simultaneously. They broke through the rotted wall and ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 751 You deserved it 3 444

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louise · 6 March 2025, 03:00 ·Australia

Quality fabric

Today, I wore a new shirt I was really pleased to have bought. As soon as I put it on, I noticed it was a bit tight, but I thought it would stretch out. By the end of the day, I looked like I was wearing a sausage casing. My coworkers couldn’t stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216 You deserved it 409

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Tipped off · 6 March 2025, 00:00 ·Benson, United States

Tipping point

Today, I helped a lady carry her grocery bags to her car. She was so grateful that she offered me a tip. I refused, but she insisted. When I finally took it, I looked at the bill to see she'd given me $1. I smiled and said thank you, but she looked at me like I’d just robbed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390 You deserved it 140

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Anonymous · 5 March 2025, 22:00 ·Singapore, Singapore

You know what they say…

Today, after being horribly treated and dumped by five men over a span of six years, I have finally come to the conclusion that I must be the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366 You deserved it 239

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Anonymous · 5 March 2025, 20:00 ·Anaheim, United States

I need my own place

Today, I was finally about to hook up with the girl I’ve been crushing on forever. My piss-drunk roommate burst through my door butt ass naked and yelled, “Party time, bitches!” Now she thinks I’m some perv that tried to rope her into a three-way. I tried to explain and apologize, but she's blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536 You deserved it 116

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Gretchen · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Not now!

Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my two year-old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 681 You deserved it 5 802

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Anonymous · 5 March 2025, 15:00 ·Cincinnati, United States

Middle ground

Today, after my wife and mother in law criticized me for being glued to my phone, I set out to prove them wrong by being away from it. When I finally opened it, my family was upset because my grandma died and they had been trying to reach me for several hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535 You deserved it 122

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Anonymous · 5 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Relax

Today, I was craving some comfort food, so I grabbed a bag of nachos from the cupboard and sat down to binge-watch Netflix. As I opened the bag, the chips exploded everywhere, spilling all over the couch, and floor. I spent the next half hour picking up crumbs while my dog and cats happily ate the scraps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354 You deserved it 156

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