Mr North Carolina 32 years-old Single
Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML
Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, so I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML
Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML
Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML
Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had two cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML
Today, I finally figured out that when a man says, "Maybe some other time, I'll be busy then" more than once, he really means, "I don't really want to see you again. I didn't think you'd actually USE my number." FML
Today, I called my dad to ask why my university tuition had not been paid. He said that my school was "too expensive" and he "couldn't afford it." He then asked me if I would take in his mail while he was away. He was taking his new wife to Hawaii; apparently it's beautiful this time of year. FML
Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML
Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML
Today, I received a 4-page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight, in full detail. I'm one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML
Today, I found out that my friend uses pictures of me to motivate her to work out. They are accompanied by sayings such as, "You don't want to turn out like this." FML
Today, I found out that I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to be leaving for Paris with my college abstinence group for a year. FML
Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML
Today, I was at my 10-year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screamed when she saw me. Then she started hitting me, looking panicked. I calmed her down and asked why she hit me. She says, "Everyone thought you were dead"' FML
Today, my sister-in-law told me calmly that she never cared for me, likes her brother's ex more than me, and probably will always dislike me. It was our first serious conversation ever, that I initiated because I wanted to "maintain our great friendship." FML
Today, I bought a $3000 HD camera. It never shipped to my house, so I was concerned. I then realized I had given the seller the address for a house in California. I live in Maine. FML
Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I thought it would be easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML
Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times, he told me, "Why? It feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence, then he then replied, "I'm not gay, I swear." FML
Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML
Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML
Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML
Today, I was perusing my mom's Facebook when I noticed that she has an album of pictures for each member of the family. All except me. Even the dog has his own album. FML
Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML
Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
