jaegermiester7

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About Jaegermiester7

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100 kick-ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have thumbed 5000 comments.

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

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200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

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You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

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You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

50 favorites

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Jaegermiester7's favorite FMLs

By uselessdad - 07/09/2010 23:48 - Singapore

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 091

You deserved it 8 521

By GonnaBeLonley2night - 13/09/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, my husband won't talk to me because he got mad when I asked him what he thought about 'that lame performance last night'. He doesn't believe that I really was talking about football. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 291

You deserved it 8 345

By Anonymous - 27/09/2010 13:17 - Australia

Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 809

You deserved it 11 035

Skin deep

By EffinAhole - 03/10/2010 04:27 - France

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 122

You deserved it 37 000

By cantstoplaughing - 06/10/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 846

You deserved it 4 016

By leve80paladin - 25/10/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention, and have asked me to go to rehab. What they want me to go to rehab for? World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 873

You deserved it 68 271

Cornered

By blarg - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom, so I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then started yelling at me on Facebook, so I logged out of Facebook. She then started yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 222

You deserved it 27 898

By Foot In Mouth - 05/02/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 230

You deserved it 36 491

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 156

By Kimberly - 25/07/2009 09:55 - United States

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 447

You deserved it 9 072

Praise the Lord

By Zippermania9 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 256

You deserved it 13 888

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 20:52 - United States

Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 437

You deserved it 13 024

By lifeguardlechery - 14/09/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 860

You deserved it 3 245

lifeguardlechery tells us more.

lifeguardlechery 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 17:17

To be fair, I did scream "OMG NO! GTF OFFAME!" at the time. It's just that there was no one around but him and me to hear it (it was really early). After that point in time he switched to verbal sexual harassment. =_=

Scarred for life

By Gabby125 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 987

You deserved it 4 405

By tht1chk - 31/10/2010 00:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 716

You deserved it 30 732

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 864

You deserved it 65 761

By Petitprof - 12/11/2010 18:23 - France

Today, someone in my class wrote "Erase me if you can!" at the very top of the board, as I am always tormented about how short I am compared to everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach it. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 52

Breaking news

By nicolette5785452 - 16/11/2010 15:34 - United States

Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 853

You deserved it 13 390

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 474

You deserved it 2 814

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 119

You deserved it 5 910