West Covina, United States 34 years-old Single
Today, a guy commented on a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook, and said to please stop 'testing' him. He also messaged me saying how he wishes he could get a girlfriend like me, that I'm gorgeous, and that he wants to go out with me. I'm his cousin. FML
Today, my boss fired me because I "didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML
Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML
Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML
Today, I tripped in front of my graduation class of 225 and all of their relatives while receiving my diploma. FML
Today, I found out my 19 year-old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year-old guy who cleans our pool. FML
Today, a 75 year-old lady drove into me. Her excuse was, "I wasn't looking." Awesome. FML
Today, I tried drinking "Smart Water" for the first time. I couldn't figure out how to open the bottle. FML
Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML
Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair… with her cousin. FML
Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML
Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML
Today, I found out my husband put a parental block on the TV so I couldn't rent a movie. I'm 42. FML
Today, my fiancée broke up with me because of an argument about a printer. FML
Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML
Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML
Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML
Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter walked into my home office and said, "Fuck you!" Then she ran to my husband and said, "Did I say it right?" FML
Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML
Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML
Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML
Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has a back-up girl if we break up. FML
Today, a woman laughed after hearing my voice for the first time. This happens whenever I meet someone new, without fail. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML
Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML
Today, my neighbors put up their Christmas lights. They blink red and green on and off. Ever since they put them up, my dog hasn't stopped barking. It's 2:00AM. FML
Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML
Today, I came home and was greeted by my dad telling me that he pawned my guitar for gas money. FML
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