Miss Sierra vista 33 years-old Single
Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML
Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML
Today, the waiter farted while I was on a date. My date thought it was me. FML
Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an asshole or am trying to seduce him. FML
Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML
Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML
Today, an old lady hit me with her car, after which she said, "Oh! Not again!" FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I finished and turned in the last of the 17 major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my boss's office, I heard her ask her assistant, "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML
Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML
Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML
Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML
Today, I came across an old man sitting on the pavement with a bottle of beer in one hand. He was crying. I thought I would be a good Samaritan and see if he was okay. After 15 minutes of hearing about how much his life sucked, he mugged me. FML
Today, is the anniversary of my cat's death, so I went to visit her grave in the pet cemetery. Someone had spray-painted "Your cat sucks" on her grave. FML
Today, while at work, a rather large woman came in and ordered a cheeseburger. When asking if she would like to supersize it, she took her purse, smacked me, and told me she wasn't fat, and how rude I was for calling her supersized. I was just doing my job. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded with, "That's nice. You know what I love? Chicken wings. Let's go get some." Apparently, he doesn't remember I'm a vegetarian either. FML
Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML
Today, a car hit me while I was on a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML
Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML
Today, I saw myself on the news. I was one of the random passers by they had filmed for their story on the "Fat Epidemic." FML
Today, the girl I've been dating for several months, and fallen in love with, said "We're just friends, right? My mom thinks I'm leading you on." FML
Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML
Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML
Today, a total stranger on the bus called me hideous and threw a soda in my face. I only asked him if the seat next to him was taken. FML
Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML
Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML
Today, while watching TV at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark, nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realized she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
Today, I went to the movies. I was sat next to a woman who talked through the film and said, "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML
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