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One for the British boomers

By Anonymous - 27/11/2025 20:00

Today, it's been about three weeks since I had a very vivid sex dream about a tall man, but had no idea who it was. Then today my grandad was watching old comedies and there the guy was, Bernard Bresslaw from the Carry On movies. Why brain? Why now and why him? I’ve not watched those movies in decades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 85

Consent

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 03:00

Today, I fully intended to start going to the gym so I set my alarm an hour early so I could go before work and get it over with. Alas, when the alarm went off and I saw that horrible "5 a.m." on my phone, my brain put me straight back to sleep without my consent. I ended up being late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 349

Downloading

By Always less important than video games - 12/12/2025 00:00

Today, when I got home, the apartment was clean for once. I gasped in surprise, and my boyfriend came out of the bathroom, carried me to the bedroom, and brutally ravished me. Afterwards, I asked him what brought this on. "Well, I bought a new game and it took forever to download..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 282

QUIET!

By Janey - 17/12/2025 09:00

Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 488

Winner winner, chicken dinner

By Anonymous - 19/12/2025 03:00

Today, I tried to return a library book sneakily to avoid the overdue fine. I slid it on the counter but the scanner screamed, lights flashed, and the librarian announced my humiliatingly overdue name like a game show host. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 433

I'm gonna head out

By Shirlz - 22/12/2025 15:00

Today, I answered a question in a meeting that wasn’t directed at me. I spoke for way too long before realizing everyone was silent because the question had actually been rhetorical. My boss nodded slowly and moved on. No one mentioned it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 341

Messy bitches

By Please explain - 24/12/2025 09:00

Today, I don't understand how my wife and son are incapable of opening any kind of packaging without tearing it to shreds. If they open a box of cereal or a bag of chips, it looks like a dog got hold of it. How? FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 68

I'm a goober

By Louis - 07/01/2026 15:00

Today, I decided to clean my entire apartment. While vacuuming, I sucked up something big. I didn’t realize what it was until later when I couldn’t find my engagement ring. I digged through a vacuum bag full of dust, crumbs, and mystery hair, only to realize it was on my finger the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 430

It's too cold for this shit

By Anonymous - 09/01/2026 09:00

Today, some absolute scumbucket cut the straps of the cover I put over my windscreen, so this morning it was completely iced over. It only delayed me by about 10 minutes but still… what a shitty thing to do to someone first thing in the snowy morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 51

Not very neighborly

By Kris - 31/01/2025 00:00 - India

Today, I pretended to be on a work call to avoid talking to my neighbour. Mid-fake call, my phone actually rang. I had to answer it and have two simultaneous conversations while avioding eye contact with my neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 495

Sit on it?

By Anonymous - 24/02/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, someone stole the seat off my bike. Just the seat. What the hell are they going to do with it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 87

Wind? Thief? Hit and run?

By Where is My Tree? - 28/02/2025 03:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I woke up and found that the tree in my front yard was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 46

I need my own place

By Anonymous - 05/03/2025 11:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was finally about to hook up with the girl I’ve been crushing on forever. My piss-drunk roommate burst through my door butt ass naked and yelled, “Party time, bitches!” Now she thinks I’m some perv that tried to rope her into a three-way. I tried to explain and apologize, but she's blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 111

Social cues

By anonymous dude - 07/03/2025 15:00 - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to a friend after a long day out. I went for a hug, and as I pulled away, I kissed her on the cheek for some reason. Realising it was an awkward mistake, I pulled back even more and said, "Sorry, I thought you were my mum." She looked at me confused, and we both stood there in complete silence for what felt like hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 432

Rookie mistake

By George P - 12/03/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 651

Chilled

By Anonymous - 20/03/2025 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I put on a new shirt and headed out to a café to meet a friend. Halfway through our conversation, I noticed my cat had followed me into the café after somehow making a nest in my bag. I looked down to see her tail sticking out of my purse, wagging like she owned the place. She is tiny, but still… how she managed to stay hidden for more than 10 minutes is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 337

I hate hiking now

By Anonymous - 04/04/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to take a cute selfie on a hiking trip. As I leaned against a boulder to get the perfect shot, a squirrel jumped out of nowhere and attacked me, probably thinking I was after its food. I dropped my phone into a creek, and my friends took a picture of me freaking out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 427

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 08/04/2025 02:00 - United States - Victoria

Today, I got a call from the dealership I was trying to work a deal with. After finishing the paperwork at the dealership, I tried to leave on my brand new Harley Davison. It wouldn’t start, so someone came back after hours to jump start my new bike, only to wipe out in the street there, wrecking my new bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 137

Outcast

By Anonymous - 09/04/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out the real reason I always had trouble making/keeping friends as a kid and why I wasn’t invited to anything. My parents were aggressive swingers and either successfully fucked, or came on to, every couple wherever we moved. Thanks, you horny bastards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 86

The coast is clear

By Anonymous - 29/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I went to a really hot chick I’ve known for years's house, because she said her soon to be ex-husband had gone on a business trip for work. While I was sitting in the house with a ton of cologne on and a fresh shave, the husband walked in, looked at me, and said, "What’s up?" Guess I'm not getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 591

Right place…

By Not Her, sorry - 03/05/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was walking through my local park when I noticed a guy getting down on one knee with a ring box in hand. As I got closer, he looked at me, got a horrified expression on his face, and shouted, “Oh no, wrong woman!” He then awkwardly stood up, put the ring back in his pocket, and scuttled away. That's probably the closest I'll ever get to a proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 146

Amazing idea, idiot

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 16:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, my idiot redneck next door neighbor decided to throw an empty whipped cream spray can into a fire to watch it explode and scare half the neighborhood. That idiot redneck next door neighbor is also my 65 year-old dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 91

Seriously?

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 02:00

Today, my husband got home on my birthday and told me he went overboard and bought a real expensive gift for his favourite girl. He then turned round and gave the real expensive gift to the girl in question, his 3 year-old niece. It’s not even her birthday. I got fuck all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 116

Sounds about right

By Anonymous - 18/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent an hour frantically searching for my car keys, turning the entire apartment upside down. After giving up and calling a locksmith, I found the keys… in the fridge. Because apparently I put my leftover pizza on top of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 380

Someone needs a good talking to

By Anonymous - 02/07/2025 11:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband once again woke me up in the wee hours to have sex. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is great but as soon as he nuts he rolls over and goes right back to sleep. I however am stuck awake and can’t get back to sleep no matter how hard I try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 137

Boom!

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband is such a tight-wadded cheapskate that his idea of “taking the family out” is going to Costco to try all the samples. PS: Yes, I work too, so he’s not the only “provider", he’s just cheap and boring as all hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 145

Under pressure

By Anonymous - 18/07/2025 23:30 - India - Jamshedpur

Today, after having pulled like three all-nighters and studying hardcore for months, when it came down to it, I couldn't solve even one question. I almost broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 107

Clinging on

By Jeremy - 26/07/2025 00:00 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I did laundry after weeks of procrastinating. Feeling accomplished, I wore a freshly cleaned hoodie to work. Halfway through the day, I discovered my niece’s Paw Patrol underwear clinging to the inside of my hood. I’d been walking around with Chase the Police Dog flapping behind my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 206

EVERYTHING COMPUTER

By Anonymous - 02/08/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I spent several minutes trying to log into my email, only to realize I was typing my work password instead of my personal one. After three failed attempts, my account locked me out for 24 hours. Now I can’t check my emails or reset the password because they need me to check my email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 344

Sociopaths

By piggies - 07/08/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I met my husband's coworkers, one of whom told us about how he shot pigs from a helicopter. My husband thought it was awesome. I started crying. That's just cruel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 343

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, when my boyfriend came over he was on his phone. We spent about 15 minutes together before having sex, then he made a phone call and said he had to leave. I could hear him from my window apologising to his coworker because he “just had to do something real quick but was now free to talk again.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 171

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 179

You deserved it 6 109

Today, I went to the laundromat for the first time. I fit all of my clothes into two washers. Not knowing where to put the soap in, I asked a man doing his laundry, "Excuse me, where do I put the soap in?". He replied, "Ma'am, those are the dryers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 602

You deserved it 80 166

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 254

You deserved it 2 200

Today, my grandmother gave me a long speech detailing how she was worried about my well-being, and told me that I could tell her anything. I tried to open up to her about my mental health issues, to which she responded, "Stop, I don't care, I'm not your therapist." I'm so confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 124

Today, I took my new iPhone into a technician to complain that when people called me, the audio was very quiet and muffled. Convinced it was a fault, I demanded a replacement. That is when he peeled off the factory issued protective screen that covered the ear piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 262

You deserved it 53 914