The Top · The top of the year

Anonymous · 28 August 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Wild goose chase

Today, I left my headphones on the bus and didn't realize until I got home. I used the tracking app and saw they were moving around the city. I followed the location for half an hour before realizing the signal was coming from my own neighborhood because the headphones had been sitting in my backpack the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 You deserved it 383

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jumpscare · 3 September 2026, 22:00 ·Manchester, United Kingdom

Jumpy

Today, after I accidentally put my headphones through the washing machine and then drying them out, they somehow still worked, but only in one ear. I was about to accept my fate when the other side suddenly started playing audio at full volume during a quiet train ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260 You deserved it 121

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Fat blob · 10 September 2026, 22:00 ·Zurich, Switzerland

A tad harsh

Today, an aunt asked me why I'm single. I laughed and said, "I know my value, and I have high standards. Men can't handle that." My cousin burst into laughter and said, "What value? You're 36 and 300 pounds. Your value is zero!" I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 619

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Anonymous · 13 September 2026, 03:00 ·Bergenfield, United States

Stranded

Today, I went to go visit my friends in my hometown. It was really nice seeing everyone. We had dinner at one of my favorite places, plus all 3 of my kids behaved! We all said goodbye and I drove home… leaving my kid's stroller in the parking lot. In MA. I live in NJ. I didn't realize till this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171 You deserved it 280

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Julie · 15 September 2026, 12:00 ·Seevetal, Germany

Rescue me

Today, my mum has a rescue dog who grew up in a cage and, even after 18 months of love & stability, is still extremely loud and aggressive. So, bottom line, she ruined not only her own life, but also her partner’s, her cats’, mine, and the neighbours’, all so that ONE little arsehole canine can have a nice life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314 You deserved it 137

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hangry · 24 September 2026, 15:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Feed me

Today, after I packed my lunch last night and put it in the fridge, I grabbed my bag and left for work. At lunchtime, I opened it and found an empty container. I'd packed the container but left the food in the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236 You deserved it 156

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Anonymous · 26 September 2026, 22:00 ·Milwaukee, United States 🌶️ Spicy

I've got a lot on my mind

Today, I heard my fiancé moaning in her sleep. She was very obviously aroused, so I woke her up to have a little fun. The sex was absolutely mind-blowing… until she said another man's name. We're supposed to get married in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307 You deserved it 96

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Regret before I sleep · 3 October 2026, 22:00 ·Peterborough, United Kingdom

Rushing my **** off

Today, hours before sleep, I'd thought I'd enjoy eating 4, yes 4, pieces of Millionaire's Shortbread. I now have a sugar rush, can't sleep, and I feel sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 You deserved it 413

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Kylaisnefarious · 10 October 2026, 20:00 ·Brewer, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Top tip

Today, my boyfriend made me cut a hole into the crotch of my pants so that he could discreetly fuck me in the room next to his mother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 You deserved it 251

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Anonymous · 15 October 2026, 09:00 ·Portland, United States

No car for you

Today, my wife had to pay double on a rental car than the one I had reserved because of a "credit issue" nobody was able to give me details on. I couldn't get the car because my card wouldn't insert or swipe properly. I spent an hour trying to get to the bottom of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 You deserved it 71

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Anonymous · 26 October 2026, 20:00 ·United States

No problem, my pleasure!

Today, I introduced my mom to my friend who performed the Heimlich maneuver on me when I was choking. She proceeded to loudly berate and chew him out, saying that he should have gotten an adult and could have hurt me. Now he won't talk to me and I'm grounded for calling her a cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 69

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Anonymous · 29 October 2026, 00:00 ·Birmingham, United States

Can't win

Today, I paid for NASCAR tickets for my husband, because it was something on his bucket list. I wanted to do something nice for him. Every time I tell him something he does that bothers me though, his comeback is, "Sorry I’m not perfect, maybe I should just kill myself and you can have all the money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 343 You deserved it 93

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Anonymous · 4 November 2026, 22:00 ·United States

People cope differently

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his own sister's funeral. Not only did I say no, but I'm seriously rethinking our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322 You deserved it 44

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It was a mistake!! · 12 November 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

I'm horny, horny horny horny

Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 You deserved it 1 062

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Katie Rose · 17 November 2025, 09:00

Keep on trucking

Today, for the second time this week, a jerk in a big truck let a big rock fly out of their uncovered back and damaged my windshield. Both times the cops refused to do anything and I can't afford to fix it as I was demoted at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393 You deserved it 104

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Anonymous · 21 November 2025, 22:00

Spillage

Today, I had an interview for a job I’ve dreamt about. I sat down in the lobby and spilled coffee on my crotch. I tried to dry it in the toilet, which made it look like I’d pissed myself. When I entered his office, the HR guy glanced down and said, “Long morning?” I panicked and replied, “No, just excited to be here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 329 You deserved it 137

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Anonymous · 3 December 2025, 09:00

Chatty Cathy

Today, I was recording a video for my online class. I say I tried, because my very chatty Siamese cat was yowling in the next room, then came in, leapt onto my desk, knocking over my mug onto my laptop. The recording caught me screaming and falling off my chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288 You deserved it 89

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Winning · 7 December 2025, 22:00

You've got this

Today, I practiced a presentation in the work toilet mirror. When it was time to present, I accidentally repeated my “mirror pep talk” out loud: “You are powerful. You are unstoppable.” My coworkers stared like I was summoning spirits before a spreadsheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 You deserved it 344

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Anonymous · 28 December 2025, 12:00

Stylish

Today, I wore my favorite light coat to brunch. Halfway in, someone bumped my arm and a long smear of lipstick appeared across the sleeve, matching the napkin I’d earlier used to dab my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270 You deserved it 116

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HateCelebz · 30 December 2025, 20:00

Beep beep beep beep

Today, I made Christmas dinner. I live in a block of flats, and I was cooking for two hours. The smoke alarm went off after 10 minutes, but it's so high up that I couldn't reach it to turn it off, so I had to fan it off every five minutes, then five minutes later it would go off again, and so on. The neighbors complained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141 You deserved it 371

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Steve · 4 January 2026, 09:00

Dunning-Kruger

Today, I confidently corrected someone in a group conversation. I was wrong. Very wrong. Everyone stared while Google proved me incorrect in seconds. I nodded and pretended I meant something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 You deserved it 580

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Duped · 6 January 2026, 15:00

I'm fine, I swear

Today, I realized the reason my neighbor keeps smiling awkwardly at me is because I’ve been waving enthusiastically at their security camera every morning, thinking it was a motion-activated light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 You deserved it 358

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Anonymous · 15 January 2026, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Cramped my style

Today, I reached a limit I wasn’t aware I had when I had to tell my husband we’re not having shower sex anymore because he’s gotten so big since he retired, we don’t both comfortably fit in there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347 You deserved it 81

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Anonymous · 20 January 2026, 09:00

Salt and vinegar?

Today, my husband insists he’s being healthy by swapping crisps for low calorie Snack a Jacks. The problem is that he eats a whole packet in one sitting, three packets a day; that’s around 2000-ish calories just in Snack a Jacks, plus three meals and sugar in his tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343 You deserved it 65

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Anonymous · 24 January 2026, 22:00

King of pain

Today, I somehow strained a muscle around my ribs that make any movement or pressure almost unbearable. In other words, breathing is just about possible, farting is excruciating, and I’m praying I get diarrhea, otherwise there's no possible way I’m going to be able to shit without passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395 You deserved it 59

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HateCelebz · 27 January 2026, 00:00

Nice guy

Today, I got written up by my line manager for being too friendly to customers. I work in retail, my job is to be friendly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413 You deserved it 53

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Anonymous · 29 January 2026, 09:00

Hey chat

Today, my dad learned a new way to annoy the family. Since watching some Twitch streamers that one time, he refers us as "chat." As in, "Chat, what should we have for dinner?" or "Hey chat, check out my fit. Yay or nay?" or even, "Chat, is that true?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 330 You deserved it 93

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Anonymous · 31 January 2026, 15:00

Loner

Today, I broke it off with all of my friends with benefits. Why? Because I have grown attached to a fictional character, and I like him a lot more than any IRL person. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 84 You deserved it 567

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Anonymous · 12 February 2026, 00:00

A lot going on

Today, it was the seventh anniversary of my grandfather's passing. It was also my cousin's funeral (suicide). Brad Arnold's death was also announced. At the end of an exhausting day, I got dumped. Fuck February 8th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404 You deserved it 67

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Anonymous · 18 February 2026, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Bitch

Today, I didn’t get to have Valentine's sex because the dog we just rescued is so attached to my husband that she tries to bite me every time I go near him. I seriously don’t think I’ve touched my husband once in over a week, and I’ve been bitten twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364 You deserved it 85

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