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Foot in mouth

By Anonymous - 30/12/2025 00:00

Today, I made an offhand comment to a close friend about having to keep a close eye on my toddler so he “doesn’t kill himself.” As the words escaped my lips, I realized that this was the same friend whose husband shot himself in the face five months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 240

Rushed

By K.Trinity - 15/06/2024 20:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 469

Both ends

By Anon - 19/06/2024 12:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 148

You have arrived at your destination

By Anonymous - 30/01/2023 10:00

Today, an Edible Arrangements driver knocked on my door with the most delicious-looking gift! He was just asking for directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 131

I'm confuddled

By Anonymous - 06/01/2026 03:00

Today, I once again tried to purchase a membership for a hiking adventure club. I ended up purchasing the same annual membership for the third time. They have already helped me recover my funds once. These people are never going to want to go hiking with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 447

Gassy

By Anonymous - 14/01/2026 00:00

Today, as I was walking out of my building that I have just moved into to walk my dog, a kind neighbour held the door open for us. Just as I walking walking though, I let out the loudest stinkiest fart in history (thanks fertility meds). I guess I’ll have too move out now… FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 167

Ban Zoom meetings

By Anonymous - 30/06/2024 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I joined a Zoom call late and accidentally unmuted myself while yelling at my kids to stop fighting. I didn't realize I was unmuted until I saw my manager's horrified face and the rest of the team trying not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 524

Salt and vinegar?

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 09:00

Today, my husband insists he’s being healthy by swapping crisps for low calorie Snack a Jacks. The problem is that he eats a whole packet in one sitting, three packets a day; that’s around 2000-ish calories just in Snack a Jacks, plus three meals and sugar in his tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 65

Link please

By Anonymous - 22/01/2026 03:00

Today, my wife sold her first painting and was so proud of herself, until she found the buyer online and realized his YouTube page is full of videos where he paints over horrible art and turns it into good art. Her painting was on it, and yes, he visibly improved it and yes, my wife is raging at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 75

Hey chat

By Anonymous - 29/01/2026 09:00

Today, my dad learned a new way to annoy the family. Since watching some Twitch streamers that one time, he refers us as "chat." As in, "Chat, what should we have for dinner?" or "Hey chat, check out my fit. Yay or nay?" or even, "Chat, is that true?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 92

Just to be on the safe side

By Lenore - 02/02/2026 20:00

Today, we live in a tiny trailer. My doctor said I have celiac disease. My dad, who takes things too literally, came back with gluten-free dog food. I don’t even have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 71

Sorry!

By Anonymous - 17/07/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked into a conference room for what I thought was my department meeting. It turned out to be a support group for people with anger management issues. They weren't pleased with my suggestion to "calm down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 527

By TBTC - 31/08/2012 07:16 - France - Le G?vre

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 428

You deserved it 5 429

Get me out of this mess!

By Anonymous - 21/07/2024 22:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, two more years until I can move out. My mom takes up so much space in the house, even in my room, I don't even have enough space for my own clothes, and I'm not allowed to get rid of ones that don't fit. How am I supposed to survive another two years here when I have a breakdown about her suffocating me once a week? FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 106

A lot going on

By Anonymous - 12/02/2026 00:00

Today, it was the seventh anniversary of my grandfather's passing. It was also my cousin's funeral (suicide). Brad Arnold's death was also announced. At the end of an exhausting day, I got dumped. Fuck February 8th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 66

Nervous nelly

By Anonymous - 14/02/2026 00:00

Today, I had to present a budget proposal to a nonprofit board that included a donor who helped me get my first internship. Mid-presentation, my brain blanked on a basic number I’ve said a hundred times. I tried to recover, knocked over my water, soaking my notes. The donor passed me a napkin, whispering, “Breathe.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 92

Touch crowd

By Ouch - 17/02/2026 09:00

Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 183

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 04/01/2022 11:01 - United States - West Sacramento

Today, I was at assembly in school. My friend had a water bottle. It was a squirt bottle, and he squirted me, over and over. I got ticked off, so I took it away from him, but when I took the bottle I squeezed it and it squirted all over the people in front of me. The principal saw, and I got in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 1 148

What did she do now?

By Anonymous - 18/02/2026 15:00

Today, I found out that my husband, who I've just separated from, and my mother, who I don't speak to because she's crazy, have been bitching about me behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 04/10/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I went to my Homecoming dance. I had a great time until some fat girl kept trying to dance with my date, even though he politely asked her to stop. I decided to intervene. I found myself pinned to the floor by a fat girl crushing on my date, who was cheering her on as she tackled me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 750

You deserved it 8 806

Ride the tiger

By Tytonic - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Washington

Today, I took a few Advil. They weren't Advil. My dad mixed the containers and I have no idea what I just took. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 136

Three days?

By Anonymous - 24/02/2026 15:00

Today, my girlfriend of three entire days broke up with me. She said it was because she needed to recover from her breakup, but that was nine months ago, and I haven't done a single thing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 108

Practice makes perfect

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 14:00

Today, my girlfriend decided to try swallowing instead of spitting. Now this was entirely her own idea, I never asked her to try, and yet when she gagged, vomited, and sneezed so it all came dribbling out of her nose, somehow it was all my fault because I’m "disgusting." I love you too, Sweetie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 174

Real estate from hell

By pukey mcgee - 25/02/2026 22:00

Today, I learned why I got such a great deal on my apartment. It's located next to the trash chute. It smells utterly foul three days of the week, and it's the dead of winter now. I dread the summer heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 68

LANGUAGE, SON!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 232

You deserved it 70 590

Choose your moments

By Anonymous - 02/03/2026 03:00

Today, my wife did the 'flash me naked' thing while I was on Zoom with my boss and three board members. She then got mad I didn’t immediately make an excuse to end the call because, hello, board members, and even when I was done she didn’t want sex anymore because clearly I value work more than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 85

Last laugh

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 18:00

Today, my ex-roommate, who decided to move out when my other roommate and I told her we didn't want a giant dresser for her dogs' clothes and stuff in the dining room, took the door knob out of the door to her former bedroom and threw some of my things in the recycling bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 125

Tourism

By Jaymail - 11/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was stuck in backed up traffic because of construction for so long that my phone actually listed where I was stuck in traffic as a place I visited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 102

Oh, the humanity

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 18:00

Today, I was giving a presentation at work but accidentally spilled water all over my laptop. I tried to dry it off, but it wouldn't turn on. I had to give the presentation awkwardly using my phone and everyone took the piss out of me and my shoddy performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 261

Extra protein

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 14:00 - United States - Roseburg

Today, I cooked pork chops on my wok that had been hanging on the pot hangers without rinsing it off. Just when I was about to eat, I saw a fried up spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 548

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The Top

Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 372

You deserved it 1 962

Today, I was at my sixteenth birthday party. My guests consisted of my grandma who I live with, and my 2-year-old cousin she was babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 795

You deserved it 4 228

Today, I found out that a supervisor at work was rude to two brides, resulting in 30k being refunded. Instead of her losing her job, I now have to take over weddings on top of my already full workload. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 627

You deserved it 152

Today, my best friend and I watched the "OK Google" horror short film. It's about a ghost that controls a Google Home device. Right after the short ended, my Google Nest Mini came off the wall and stopped reacting. Neither of us was near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 170

Today, I went to a job interview, and the interviewer asked me to give an example of a time I went above and beyond for a customer. I proudly told him about the time I drove a customer home when their car broke down. The interviewer then asked me if I had any examples from a professional setting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 167

Today, I looked at my boyfriend of four years's phone. He may not be cheating, but he was trying, and got shot down five times by three different women. Pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 120