The Top

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Who are you? Who am I?

By Anonymous - 05/05/2025 09:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to the grocery store and saw a guy I thought I recognized. I walked up to him and said, “Hey, are you so-and-so from high school?” He looked at me blankly and said, “Nope, don’t know you.” To cover up my embarrassment, I blurted out, “Well, you should! I was the funniest person in our class!” He stared at me for a second before replying, “OK, I’m calling security.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 650

NOT NOW!

By LamingtonSalad - 02/08/2022 18:00

Today, after I went in for surgery, I came out of extremely anemic from blood loss. As soon as I got home, I started my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 122

Pest control

By Anonymous - 11/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I realized I’m living with a complete moron. I moved in thinking it was gonna be smooth but nope. Dude thought it was okay to put mothballs INSIDE THE FUCKING HOUSE to help with roaches. Who the fuck does that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 439

Weirdo alert!

By CuteFeeties - 07/08/2022 18:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boyfriend took me on a drive while he did some errands. I waited for him in the car with my bare feet on his dashboard, like I usually do. As I waited, I noticed a woman blatantly taking pictures of my feet from across the lot, and she winked at me. I cowered in my seat until he came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 347

Nice try, Patricia

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 02:00

Today, I had to deal with a lady who claimed her son was autistic to try and skip the queue. Even her son was saying he’s not autistic, and she was screaming in his face that yes he was. I happen to be genuinely autistic. Security threw her out, and I was jealous that I didn’t get to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 144

Mr Rogers

By Anonymous - 29/11/2023 05:00

Today, I met my upstairs neighbours in person. They had been having vigorous sex and all of a sudden I heard a loud, “OH SHIT” and they both fell through the ceiling and ended up on top of me on my sofa, covered in plaster and dust, and stark naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 158

Shots fired

By Its a gas - 13/06/2025 00:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 488

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 16/12/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, my long-term relationship of over a decade ended very badly. We didn't speak nor look at each other while I was dropping his stuff off. Of course, my car battery died, and I had to ask him for help and had to see his parents. His dad couldn't get the hood open for about ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 129

Push it!

By Stace - 21/06/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was lifting weights at the gym and felt proud of myself for pushing through a tough set. Then, I looked down and noticed my shorts had ripped right along the seam. Based on their disgusted faces, everyone behind me got an unwelcome show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 116

Diagnosis results

By robbed of youth - 02/01/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I realized that a kid in my class is actually autistic and didn't have ADHD. The teachers went out of their way to lie that he has ADHD and not autism. No wonder people thought I was a "retard" (their words, not mine) when it came out that I had ADHD and started using classroom accommodations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 148

Defeated

By K.O - 09/09/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, a fly landed on my ear. The suddenly loud buzzing noise scared me so badly that out of instinct, I punched the side of my head so hard that I actually made myself really dizzy. The worst part? I didn't kill the fly. Jackass fly: 1, Dumbass me: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 558

I didn't ask for this

By SoWhat - 06/01/2024 00:00 - Switzerland

Today, an annoying ex-coworker I have ignored for 15 years sent me an e-mail to "inform me of her new address." The e-mail actually enclosed a video of her touring the new house and garden like a realtor. I skipped to the end where she humblebrags about how "grateful" she is "to be blessed with this property." FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 127

Poor little thing

By Yikes - 10/07/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house, and his cat followed me to the bathroom. I accidentally knocked down a bottle of bug spray and went to pick it up, and the cat started freaking out. Apparently, he sprays her with water so often that she's become terrified of bottles in general. Now I feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 71

Fragile

By John Doe - 04/03/2024 13:00 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I was standing in a bus, hanging on to a pole. At a roundabout, I turned with the bus… and blocked my spine. I'm 22 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 112

Littered

By Anonymous - 19/04/2020 14:00

Today, I'm on crutches and wearing an orthopedic boot because a 22.5 pound box of cat litter fell out of my back hatch onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 274

He's got game

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I caught my son sneaking a woman out of his room at 5 a.m. After she was gone, I started with the questions, one of which was, “Well, what’s her name?” His response was, “No idea, I only met her last week.” I’ve raised one of “those guys.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 222

Drama farmers

By Anonymous - 12/03/2024 06:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, my dad lectured me because my mom cried herself to sleep last night. Why? Because I didn't want to watch a movie with her. I had to go to sleep to be up for work at 6 a.m., and was too tired to watch a movie in the first place. I live with drama queens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 112

Take your time

By Anonymous - 12/09/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, while brushing my teeth before a date, I sneezed so hard that toothpaste flew all over my clean shirt. I was already running late, so I panicked and tried to wipe it off with water. It left huge wet spots. I showed up looking like I had just lost a fight with a giant toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 290

No kinkshaming!

By I'm a freak - 17/09/2025 20:00

Today, I watched Alien for the first time with my husband. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I got so wet during the facehugger scene, I had to fake a panic attack and ask him to turn the movie off because I was scared he'd notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 275

How bad do I look?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2025 00:00

Today, a teenage Costco cashier whispered to me, “Things WILL get better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 82

Bad timing

By Sorry granny - 04/11/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I learned that when a fly goes up your shirt into your armpit, it tickles very badly. I also found out that it's hard to explain this to your mother while she's trying to have a serious conversation with you about your grandmother's rapidly deteriorating health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 155

Taste test

By Anonymous - 21/09/2025 20:00

Today, I noticed my boyfriend tasted different than normal so he got a doctor's appointment, which is where he discovered he has a yeast infection under his foreskin. Yuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 119

Not helping

By Missy - 23/09/2025 20:00

Today, after feeling down due to another negative pregnancy test after my hubby and I have been trying for over a year, my mom insisted I come to a BBQ to "cheer me up." I get there and what do I see? Blue and pink balloons. My sister was announcing her pregnancy. My mom got pissed at me when I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 187

Crotch rot of the mouth

By Anonymous - 25/03/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I hadn’t showered yet, I told my boyfriend not to go down on me in case it smelled "down there." We started kissing instead, but he made a "blech" face, then went down on me anyway. Apparently my morning breath was worse than unwashed crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 537

No good deed…

By Good Samaritain - 29/09/2025 12:00

Today, I saw a woman drop her wallet in the grocery store. Being a good citizen, I sprinted after her to return it. She heard me running, panicked and took off. I ended up chasing her through three aisles saying, “Wait! I have your wallet!” Security got involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 100

Soaked

By SunBed - 11/05/2020 17:00

Today, I came home to my bed and most of my room soaking wet. This morning, my mom thought it would be "smart" to warm up my room by opening the skylight above my bed. There were heavy showers all day today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 111

Great meeting you!

By Anonymous - 04/10/2025 09:00

Today, I met my online date at a café. As soon as I walked in, I walked straight up to the wrong person, and launched into a 2-minute ramble about how excited I was to finally meet him. He just blinked and said, “I’m married.” My actual date was sitting right behind me, albeit a similar but not as good looking man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 466

Cheap out

By FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU - 05/10/2025 09:00

Today, two days after getting a fanny pack so I could more easily store my stuff when I'm out and about, I accidentally broke it without even trying. Don't be cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 261

Knackered

By mala_19 - 23/11/2022 14:00 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, I'm six weeks pregnant and so far I've had more naps than I've had in my entire adulthood. My last pregnancy I got put on sick leave, partly because I was so exhausted. Here we go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 239

Blame game

By Anonymous - 05/04/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad tried to blame me for ringing an out of network number for two hours, which charged his bill by the minute. I rang the number, which turned out to belong to one of his business pals who lives abroad. He punished me anyway for having an attitude when I proved the call was his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 105

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The Top

Today, my husband and I went to the bank to figure out why our loan process has been such a pain in the ass, and why we can never get in contact with our lender. The bank said he quit last week. Guess he didn't think to tell anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 76

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 531

You deserved it 331

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 223

Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me "fried" next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 386

You deserved it 2 745

Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 349

You deserved it 3 938

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 534

You deserved it 7 933