Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, I had to drive the guy I've been seeing for the past few months to the emergency room. So that he could witness the birth of his newest child. FML
Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML
Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML
Today, my wife and I both got released from the hospital. She was admitted for the birth of our daughter. I was admitted with a broken arm from when my mother-in-law shoved me out of the way because she wanted to be the first one to hold the baby after my wife. FML
Today, I rushed to my son’s house, eager to meet my new grand-baby, who his annoying wife wouldn’t let me see at the hospital. Before I could even pick the baby up, his wife started freaking out that I “smelled like cigarettes” and threw me out because it was “bad for the baby.” FML
Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
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Top comments
HahaHokayThen 10
Haha she came out of the bathroom & sees a random hobo holding her newborn.
catalystics 2
u shouldve ran off with the baby
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Comments (88)
thosegirls 0
well that was stupid..
thesunsetglow_fml 8
Exactly, how does he not recognize his own baby?! I mean even if it is a newborn, they don't look THAT similar. When my triplet siblings were born they all looked incredibly different.
musedrummer 0
if he was going to see it for the first time he wouldnt know what it looked like
crashtest1205 0
herpaderp, I've never seen my baby but I know what it looks like
theFMLiest1ofThe 0
thesunsetglow, quit being dumb. babies look incredibly similar. people have been known to take the wrong baby home from the hospital after spending days with the newborn.
TheTrueDarkness 0
Yup. There have been cases of the wrong newborns being breastfed as well.
ChoolyBooly 32
Which is why most hospitals almost never take the baby out of the mothers room unless there is something wrong with the baby. In fact it is recommended that you request that your child stays in your room unless it is medically impossible do to such common mishaps. That is what i was told to do when I had my daughter.
catalystics 2
u shouldve ran off with the baby
HahaHokayThen 10
Haha she came out of the bathroom & sees a random hobo holding her newborn.
Selena_is_back 7
hahaha mental picture!
sexylemon231 0
i like ur profil pic
phreshboi 1
lol the joke would be to actually run away and to be a... I don't know what someone end it for me.
Bobissmall 13
a rapist? pedophile? Hmm.
RoseBlack123 37
A baby stealer!
machiko_fml 0
Haha. Nice move.
NyopQ 6
You are so pretty :)
thefmlinator 10
he's climbing in yo windows he's snatchin yo people up
machiko_fml 0
Good reference.
wwerulez14 6
He had a point when he said, "Hide yo kidz"...
iwrestlebears 0
win!! I just watched that video 5 minutes ago
impatientkarma 0
lmao.
swagerific227 0
lol!!!!
lemonypower 6
uber fail
Fortuitous 0
You should have taken the baby! Then, the lady could write an FML, too! Be generous; let everyone win.
SadinSherman 16
No she would go to the police and the sue the hospital
DocBastard 38
Sherman - do yourself a favor and look up "sarcasm" in the dictionary. That's the big book with lots of words and their definitions in it.
yolie_fml 0
yes!
SadinSherman 16
I am sorry I only understand sarcasm when done well
hidingoutt7 0
i would scream to
Domonator 16
To whom would you scream? Please finish what you started -- the suspense is unbearable.
Numbar_Foar 0
Your mom.
janelly16 7
I'm sure this will make a great icebreaker to use later
cowgod123 0
So yesterday I was holding this baby.....