Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML
Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML
Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML
Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each other in two years, I've gotten a few tattoos done since, and I knew they wouldn't approve, so I bought whole new outfits that covered everything and looked professional. When I got there, the first thing my mom says to me is, "Is that a nose ring!?" FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I'd rather have lobeless ears than wear lady parts on my head.
ByronJess 17
That had to be ear-itating! No...? Okay...
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Comments (106)
Dodge4x4Ram 46
that sucks
JMichael 26
I am so sorry..
tranced_ 45
she's a surgeon? you must be rich!
legalizenow 16
Well, how fast would the labia skin grow back?
dannnngthatsux 19
Probably none. The healing process is far faster in most animals than the regrowth process. Most likely it would just be a reduction. Hey but some women hate theirs.
dannnngthatsux 19
For accident and burn victims inner labia (and/or I'd swear a small patch from the ******) are useful for rebuilding lips. They're very sensitive and what guy wouldn't want to kiss them!!!??
FlusterCuck 2
You can reconstruct ear loves after having stretched ears/broken stretched ears but you usually just use the left over lobe. Not lady bits..
dannnngthatsux 19
Would that turn ear kissing into sodomy??
cryssycakesx3 23
they're not using assholes...
FlyingPie 17
Say something about it - Don't be a pussy.
jagged_glory 12
oh that's nastyyyy( clevelands voice)
perdix 31
I'll bet it was hard to enjoy your oyster tacos.