By Noname - New Zealand Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML I agree, your life sucks 63813 You deserved it 338683 574 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML I agree, your life sucks 28219 You deserved it 3158 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML I agree, your life sucks 49820 You deserved it 5224 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By booo - United States - Minden Today, I had my eyebrows waxed for my senior pictures. After manhandling me, the cosmetologist managed to "accidentally" take my whole eyebrow off. It looks like I'll be remembered forevermore as the girl with one eyebrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 25112 You deserved it 3262 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 1danzo1 - Australia Today, I was getting a haircut. I had my foils in for about 10 minutes when the fire alarm went off. The building then started to fill with smoke and we evacuated. While outside watching the fire being put out, I forgot about my foils. I now have bright bleached yellow and orange hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 43679 You deserved it 6076 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kel - United Kingdom - Coventry Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML I agree, your life sucks 42881 You deserved it 7443 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DEE Out of the mouth of babes... Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML I agree, your life sucks 2692 You deserved it 446 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cydia123 Today, my boss threatened to fire me. Why? An old lady spent 30 minutes looking at our menu before asking for "cottage pie." After telling her that it wasn't an item on the menu, she spent another 20 minutes deciding. She then asked for several more items we didn't have, then complained to my boss. FML I agree, your life sucks 1916 You deserved it 94 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CiaoBella Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry honey. FML I agree, your life sucks 13404 You deserved it 2704 35 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Meow - Australia Today, while working at McDonald's a car full of obnoxious teens came through. They had made a $30 order, and handed me a tin of small change, claiming that on a McDonald's ad they saw that we, employees, liked counting change. I had to count out $30 in spare change during a rush period at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 57162 You deserved it 4866 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lucas_urev - United States - Cold Spring Harbor Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML I agree, your life sucks 36661 You deserved it 7091 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stan - United States Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML I agree, your life sucks 33657 You deserved it 9561 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DietKelp - United States Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML I agree, your life sucks 27445 You deserved it 2004 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sodge - Australia Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML I agree, your life sucks 17363 You deserved it 45034 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lillymean - United Kingdom Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML I agree, your life sucks 28397 You deserved it 6089 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Distraught - Reserved Today, the day before I was going to move in with my army fiancé, he was told he would be deployed very soon. I can't pay for the apartment without him, and now have to move back in with my parents until he returns from active duty. FML I agree, your life sucks 34973 You deserved it 6624 266 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KismetSiren - United States - Hoffman Forest Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML I agree, your life sucks 9685 You deserved it 653 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By weeble_wobbles09 - United States Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML I agree, your life sucks 10388 You deserved it 25674 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Warren Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML I agree, your life sucks 4184 You deserved it 619 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML I agree, your life sucks 51638 You deserved it 14031 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cherie - United States Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML I agree, your life sucks 44659 You deserved it 10394 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1193 You deserved it 1941 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By idislikeblanks - United States - Lathrop Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML I agree, your life sucks 35767 You deserved it 4094 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By random - United States - El Paso Today, at the gym, my boobs were jiggling more than the girl next to me. This would be a good thing, if I wasn't a guy. FML I agree, your life sucks 52750 You deserved it 16801 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - Canada - New Westminster Today, I was eating lunch on my first date with a really pretty girl, when my ex shows up at the same restaurant and starts telling her how bad of a boyfriend I was. My date left. FML I agree, your life sucks 11249 You deserved it 1458 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By julieb - United States Today, I was putting on cream and my son asked what it was for. I told him it was to keep the wrinkles away. He looked at me closely and replied, "I don't think it's working." FML I agree, your life sucks 47615 You deserved it 6473 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML I agree, your life sucks 14867 You deserved it 49512 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By icy - United States - Prairieville Not fair! Today, I finally got a cable box for my TV. When I was connecting the cable, my tv fell and shattered the screen. FML I agree, your life sucks 2319 You deserved it 309 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I tried to power through work on a construction site after a couple of sick days. I can't do anything without constantly sucking on cough drops. And it turns out that excessive consumption of cough drops can have a laxative effect. FML I agree, your life sucks 18686 You deserved it 1992 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML I agree, your life sucks 25649 You deserved it 9411 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AchievementUnlocked? - United States Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML I agree, your life sucks 46230 You deserved it 6429 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Blindjac Today was my moms wedding and I was the maid of honor! I was so excited to walk down the isle with my mom, but the church was so dry I got a bloody nose 5 minutes before going down. I couldn’t go down the isle or watch my mom go down either. I had to stay in the back and hold my nose up. FML I agree, your life sucks 2159 You deserved it 173 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wellfuck - United States - Lexington Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 30143 You deserved it 7545 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AgathedeBlouse - France Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML I agree, your life sucks 27485 You deserved it 25067 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Can't win Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML I agree, your life sucks 1975 You deserved it 318 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ... - Australia Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML I agree, your life sucks 43623 You deserved it 6688 174 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By me - United States Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML I agree, your life sucks 25055 You deserved it 3833 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Germany Today, my sculpture, which is very important for my art grade, fell from my desk and broke to pieces. My art teacher suggested I soak the parts in water to make it easier to stick them back together. They dissolved. FML I agree, your life sucks 31426 You deserved it 3555 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I hate games - United States - Belton Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML I agree, your life sucks 23968 You deserved it 5163 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By InDebt - United States - Morgantown Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML I agree, your life sucks 22373 You deserved it 1942 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lighthadow | 3 #7714518 - Friday 26 October 2018 20:06 that's a really accurate representation of what is about to happen. Thank you for this! Send a private message 4 0 Reply
By Lighthadow | 3 #7714518 - Friday 26 October 2018 20:06 that's a really accurate representation of what is about to happen. Thank you for this! Send a private message 4 0 Reply
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent... I agree, your life sucks 631 You deserved it 136 4 Comments
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 846 You deserved it 179 8 Comments