Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight the shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow, and I tugged so hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML
Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML
Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML
Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML
Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML
Today, I tried on a tight sweater at the mall. It got stuck halfway over my head, and I couldn’t get it off. I had to shuffle out of the changing room, arms trapped in the air, and ask the clerk for help while blinded by the fabric. FML
Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, I tried to wipe some sweat off my brow before it could make its way down into my eye. I ended up poking myself in the eye so hard that I yelped, stumbled and was thrown off the still-moving treadmill while trying to regain my balance. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I was looking at myself in the mirror and tried to touch my face. Unfortunately I have Tourette's, so my hand just uncontrollably slammed into my cheek, consequently jamming one of my fingernails into it. It started bleeding like crazy. My fingernails aren't exactly long, either… that's how hard it hit. FML
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Top comments
Peroxide 3
That long sleeve shirt has totally ruined your life. Now you won't be able to go to the prom with Debbie, the hottest girl in school and we all know she'll hook up with Matt. Then you'll turn to a life of drugs and hookers. You'd be surprised how often this happens.
myfriend_youfail 3
And this is why people need to stop deluding themselves into believing they can fit into a size 2 when they're meant to wear a size 6. Wear what you fit into, not what you WISH you could fit into. You don't want to cut off your circulation, and we don't want to see every tiny bit of pudge on your body.
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Comments (57)
SwaggerDownPat 0
How is this even possible?
Strawberry_1622 7
Does it match the color of your shirt?
arodven 18
Thank you for cheering me up. lol
TeBanana 20
Are you sure it's not gold and white?
raysmith121 10
I know this is from 2009 but are you sure it wasn't white and gold?
cronagorgon 11
You mean white and gold