Wanted: New Friends

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 188

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 122

Wanted: New Friends

By FML Videos - 29/08/2018 19:30

What's the worst your friends ever did?

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 78

Taking stock

Don't do favors for strangers

Is that even legal?

01/07/2013 04:35

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 502

You deserved it 3 177

13/01/2009 18:17

Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But six"; however, because of my accent it sounded like "Butt sex". For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about "Butt sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 412

You deserved it 3 183

24/10/2012 05:15

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 124

You deserved it 2 834

02/01/2015 16:20

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 094

You deserved it 2 651

15/07/2013 04:23

Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 906

You deserved it 3 198

25/06/2009 05:02

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 170

You deserved it 73 366

13/11/2011 22:46

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 325

You deserved it 58 441

18/12/2015 13:34

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 618

You deserved it 7 172

30/10/2017 08:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 238

You deserved it 392

07/12/2018 20:00

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 763

You deserved it 347

09/05/2015 15:53

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 850

You deserved it 3 060

20/09/2012 07:00

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 393

You deserved it 31 134

08/01/2016 02:08

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 409

You deserved it 5 563

Oedipus Rex

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 18:00

Today, my mother started arguing with me once again about how my life revolves around my girlfriend and how it's unhealthy to spend so much time with her. We live together and are engaged to be married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 144

30/11/2018 03:00

Today, I convinced my roommate, who’s been single for a while, to get back in the dating game. He downloaded Tinder. His first match was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 389

You deserved it 270

23/08/2010 23:31

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 275

You deserved it 53 911

06/08/2011 01:47

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 619

You deserved it 5 951

04/12/2015 07:14

Today, I got detention at school because a girl told the principal I was stalking her on campus. I wasn't stalking her, we just have very similar schedules. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 020

You deserved it 1 685

06/04/2013 19:13

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 712

You deserved it 13 289

10/10/2011 03:30

Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 604

You deserved it 2 584

Thief

By anonymous - 28/10/2014 03:40

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 837

You deserved it 39 678

11/04/2009 03:40

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that wont work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 374

You deserved it 6 502

05/03/2011 06:07

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense: "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 533

You deserved it 11 349

14/07/2009 18:19

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 631

You deserved it 20 761

02/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 590

17/11/2010 18:16

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 312

You deserved it 13 492

01/03/2011 15:00

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 797

You deserved it 5 755

05/01/2010 07:16

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 939

You deserved it 3 805

10/06/2013 02:27

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 195

You deserved it 7 638

30/06/2012 01:06

Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 155

You deserved it 2 892

19/05/2009 02:07

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 225

You deserved it 43 844

25/07/2011 16:08

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 090

You deserved it 3 556

09/04/2016 03:30

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 270

You deserved it 3 478

16/03/2013 15:51

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 7 624

26/09/2017 16:00

Today, I discovered that a company has been using a photo of me for one of those "she lost 50 pounds" online ads. I'm the "before" photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 226

You deserved it 359

03/11/2011 17:36

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 516

You deserved it 3 555

25/12/2018 20:00

Today, my car fob died on me when I was going to get donations because my house burnt down two days ago, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 684

You deserved it 265

02/02/2011 02:32

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 295

You deserved it 71 264

08/10/2013 19:17

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 586

You deserved it 3 698

30/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted hayride with my crush and friends. I got scared and screamed so he put his arm around me and hugged me. I took this as a good sign and leaned in. Turns out his friend was handing him something and he wasn't putting his arm around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 912

You deserved it 326

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real life problems 26

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Wednesday 29 August 2018 22:00

He turned him into a unicorn

Charlie Given 24

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Thursday 30 August 2018 1:10

When plungers attack Mr. clean is the first victim 😂🤣🤣

Comments

real life problems 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 August 2018 22:00

He turned him into a unicorn

Charlie Given 24

Send a private message

Thursday 30 August 2018 1:10

When plungers attack Mr. clean is the first victim 😂🤣🤣