Health, Embarrassing and Awkward: Wakey wakey - FML

Wakey wakey

By 30000 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 484

You deserved it 13 188

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Top comments

Jasim 17

Friday 2 January 2015 15:09

Let's hope you focus more when you poop. :)

elljoy 10

Friday 2 January 2015 14:59

Still drunk from NYE? ;)

Comments

Envy22 32

Monday 19 November 2018 7:15

Were you drunk or half asleep?

FluffythePink 19

Sunday 12 February 2023 13:13

Welcome to being human and the inexplicable wonders of Brain Farts. The amount of times I've tried putting the kettle in the fridge and the milk on to boil in the morning... All you can do is laugh at yourself.

Keywords

Animals Cats Cute Intimacy Sex Awkward Family Work Alcohol Coworkers Mental health Health Psychology AITA Relationship advice Weird Love Cops Miscellaneous Neighbours Scary Stressed out Parents Cake Birthday Dogs Transportation Cars Embarrassing Fire

The Top

Today, I'm being forced to keep an eye on my cousin, who is getting married in the morning. He’s tried to marry his fiancé before and chickened out at the altar. For some reason she forgave him and now the bride's mother has made it my job to watch him like a hawk until after the "I Do-s", or else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 84

Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 379

You deserved it 5 159

The Top

Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 083

You deserved it 3 283

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 679

You deserved it 5 728

Today, my boyfriend's family offered me the trip of a lifetime visiting their families overseas. My mother threw a tantrum, telling me that it was my fault that she was never able to travel, it was my fault that she got pregnant with me and had to marry my abusive father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 90

Today, I withdrew $120 from the ATM at the hotel I'm staying at, only to have no money come out. When I talked to the concierge, who witnessed the whole thing, she said it had been happening all day and that the machine was broken. My bank says it's the hotel's problem, and the hotel says it's the bank's problem. Either way, I'm out $120. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 746

You deserved it 2 048

Today, while lifeguarding at my local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore. I ran out and swam him back to shore. Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out for "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 443

You deserved it 3 353

Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 254

You deserved it 13 257