By shary - 12/1/2021 01:59

Unreasonable

Today, I was terminated from my job because my boss “felt like it.” My parents have made it clear to me that if I am ever fired from a job, for any reason, they will kick me out on the street and never speak to me again. FML

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Rock, hard place

All over the place

Cute trick, asshole

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are "sold" to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day. My girlfriend and ex were bidding against each other. My ex won. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said "no" so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

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By Hey, thats not math!? - United States - Sunnyside

Today, I logged on to my Gmail account and to find that my brother had sent my math teacher a picture of Bigfoot peeing into a urinal. Using my account. FML

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By HateTheBus

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. I went to pull the cord to request a stop when the driver slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light, causing me to get thrown out of my seat and slide down the aisle and hit my head on a pole by the front of the bus. FML

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By oops - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

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By Chia - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Glenrothes

Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML

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By saintmichi - Poland

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

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By Ramis182 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

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By LostFocus - United States

Today, after five months of working overtime and doing my own repairs around the house, such as patching my own roof to save money, I walk into my home office. I find my $2500, week old, top of the line laptop won't turn on because it's drenched in water. Apparently there's a leak in the roof. FML

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By link - United States - Edmond

Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML

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By oww - United States

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

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By Marfo101 - Ghana - Accra

Today, a pretty girl joined the line at the bus station. I let her skip the line and go before me so I could sit next to her. After she bought her ticket, I realized there were no more seats left on that bus. I was told to get off, and had to take the next bus, sitting next to a snoring old man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

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By hmmm - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to Pizza Hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

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By problemchild - United States

Fault

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say, "Yes she did." FML

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By hannah

Today, I discovered that every time my period ends, I queef loudly and uncontrollably. I’m literally too embarrassed to see a doctor about this. FML

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By grossedout - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9 inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

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By Neednewfriends - Australia

Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML

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By Nohearingornoeating

WHAT?

Today, my brand-new digital hearing aid fell out of my ear as I was walking home from the store. I've retraced my steps, but cannot find it anywhere. It cost $2000, and replacement, like the hearing aid itself, is not covered by insurance. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

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By zombieguyswife - United States - Branson

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

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By kylie b

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

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By mybfthecrossdresser - Australia - Scarborough

Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML

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By LasagnaRawks - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

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By tired - United States - Boston

Today, I walked up sixteen flights of stairs to my room to avoid the lift lines. When I was almost to the top, the fire alarm sounded. FML

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By dear god why - United States - Seattle

Today, my parents were screaming so loud about who clogged the toilet that a neighbor called the police because they thought someone was in danger. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

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By burr415 - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML

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By dk14

Today, my girlfriend's dad let me borrow his car for transportation to work because mine got totaled. This car is a complete dump and I've realized he's only letting me use it so it's my fault to fix the broken things on the car. So far, I've had to replace the battery and two popped tires. FML

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By maribel - United States

Today, I got my beautiful daughter ready to be a flower girl for the first time. A flower girl in the wedding of her father, my ex-husband, and the woman he cheated on me with. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Galesburg

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up with really sore abs; not from working out at the gym, but because I've been coughing for 3 days straight and nothing is helping. Now every time I cough, it physically hurts. FML

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By ANON - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, one of my ears randomly went deaf. I went to the doctor, thinking I had an ear infection or something. Turns out that your ears can go deaf entirely without reason, and I now have medication to take to see if I can get any of my hearing back in that ear. I'm only 26. FML

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By SpiderMan - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML

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By scfead - United States

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

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By Stalked - Czech Republic - Brno

Today, I found a love letter in my mail. It was from a girl I met at a bar few weeks ago. I never gave her my address or last name. I guess I have a stalker now. FML

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By Mike - United States - Burlington

Drama Llama

Today, I called my mother to say hi. She spent a whole hour and a half complaining about how I never call her, bawling and calling me "a waste of human flesh." I call her at least once a week. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7963771 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 4:38

Maybe it's a blessing to get rid of all of those assholes out of your life all at once.

By Michael Sawyer | 9

#7963770 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 4:37

is your boss by chance friends with one or both of your parents?
if so..then that would be a little suspect

COMMENTS

By Guradao | 3

#7963766 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 4:08

No worries its covid season, they cant kick you out if your governor says so plus they have to give you 30 days notice no matter what!

By Michael Sawyer | 9

#7963770 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 4:37

is your boss by chance friends with one or both of your parents?
if so..then that would be a little suspect

By RichardPencil | 30

#7963771 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 4:38

Maybe it's a blessing to get rid of all of those assholes out of your life all at once.

By sarahcroy20 | 12

#7963788 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 6:42

I'm thinking there's more to getting fired than you're saying.

By rgkkk | 15

#7963894 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 16:49

One of the FML where there's no need to specify what country it's from