Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML
Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML
Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML
Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML
Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML
Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML
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Top comments
iFizzgig 11
You were dropping a hint.
ohmandapants 17
Well now they know you're getting laid.
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Comments (146)
Emilycatherine 0
Atleast she'll know you use condoms.(:
Icecream93 4
At least she knows your not a loner with a useless boner ;)?
gms16 2
Haha xD
gms16 2
Haha xD
Bofferding_fml 6
1. Calm down 2. Tell her it's not what it looks like 3. Tell her the lube is there to grease your noisy door and the condoms are for halloween waterbombs 4. Invite her for coffee now that she believes you are innocent 5. ??? 6. Profit
nivek2120 8
Tell her it's exactly what it looks like! Halloween is over so that's out.
The_Troller 14
You're getting laid either way
imcutefml 0
Not that bad this happened to me but there was also handcuffs and ropes added to the list xD
Destiny_Moore 0
It's A Sign.
Random_ChickXD 0
AHhahahhahaha
missyj0 12
Har har har, sooo funny.
bubo_fml 11
I would've inflated a condom, sharpied my number on it & sent it to her "air mail" style!!