Transportation: Today, the university bike permit that I'd ordered half a year... - FML

By walkingisfun - 02/07/2017 20:00

Today, the university bike permit that I'd ordered half a year ago finally arrived. Unfortunately, my bike was stolen months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 779

You deserved it 294

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Leave us alone

Dementia or hate? You decide

By crashingdown - 29/05/2010 05:28 - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 032

You deserved it 14 561

Pick me

By Brit - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I made a Facebook under a guy's name and I'm sending myself wall posts just so it looks like I actually talk to a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 229

You deserved it 46 144

By Triple F - 07/03/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to find my hot neighbor, with whom I carpool every morning. I struck a pose, feeling quite confident. Upon taking my first step down the stairs, I fell forward. I woke up an hour later with 7 stitches in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 065

You deserved it 40 166

Bad news

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 23:00

Today, I was hanging out with my friends and my sister, we were all wasted and I was making jokes. My sister then gets a phone call, I leave the room to get a drink and I hear everyone go a bit silent I come back in and all of the sudden everyone looks at me. My friend says, "Um… I'm so sorry, your mom passed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 429

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 456

You deserved it 11 341

By thisreallysucks2 - 23/03/2009 02:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 501

You deserved it 24 319

By educatttiiioonnn - 26/09/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, I made exactly 400 flashcards of my vocab that I had to memorize. It took me over 3 hours to make them and hours to remember them. Proud of myself, I showed them to my friends. Then my friends notified me I had memorized the wrong section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 832

You deserved it 26 000

By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 17:38 - United States - Monroe

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 093

You deserved it 3 823

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 06:11 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 379

You deserved it 4 072

By joe - 02/01/2009 11:09 - France

Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 423

You deserved it 37 782

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 01:19 - France - Thionville

Today, my grandson visited me, and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a little girl. I happily looked for a few photos to give him, asking what had piqued his curiosity. He replied that he wanted some for a presentation he's doing on the Middle Ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 377

You deserved it 3 097

Quiet

By Anonymous - 07/08/2011 01:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 587

You deserved it 11 483

By The captain - 21/08/2011 23:09 - Canada

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 378

You deserved it 4 640

Gamers rise up

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 04:59 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I’m officially at the point where I can’t blame others for not wanting to play on the Playstation with me. I don’t even want to play with myself. I suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 237

By Ellen - 21/11/2009 00:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 244

You deserved it 30 170

By Ellie - 09/10/2013 23:15 - United States - Mission

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 306

You deserved it 7 097

We finally made it

By Depression... - 10/10/2012 06:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 058

You deserved it 9 098

Close shave

By Gears - 29/04/2019 16:00

Today, I had dinner at a local fast-food joint. There's an employee there that I usually talk to and flirt with, so I thought maybe it was time to ask for her number. After a small conversation and almost getting to the point, she told me, "I'm 17." I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 720

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 09:43 - United States

Today, as I'm pregnant, my mom came over to do some nice things for me, such as clean my kitchen and cook a large pot of my favorite soup. When she left, I took a nap, planning to eat later. I woke up to find my roommates had trashed my kitchen and eaten all my soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 467

You deserved it 4 423

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 006

You deserved it 5 407

Wakey Wakey!

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 173

By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 03:10 - Canada

Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 095

You deserved it 3 893

By Anonymous - 03/07/2014 00:59

Today, I opened my window due to the good weather. I was lucky enough to listen to the sounds of someone violently throwing up for over an hour. The window got stuck open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 436

You deserved it 4 498

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 943

You deserved it 8 439

By supermanj76 - 04/05/2009 02:12 - United States

Today, a man came up to me and asked for a $50 bill in change? Being a good man i said "sure." I gave him the change and he gave me the $50 bill. As I walk into starbucks to buy a coffee, I handed the casheir my fifty dollar bill, she called the cops. It was counterfeit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 813

You deserved it 23 468

Phone call anxiety

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 16:59

Today, I'm making preparations to call a foreign embassy to try to get back a huge sum of money. A close relative was scammed out of it, it seems to be bouncing around a European banking system, and they are not capable of figuring this mess out themselves. It's not even my money, but I feel obligated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 125

By WheatiesMan - 15/06/2016 10:52

Today, I'm on a class trip to Washington DC. Last night, my roommate took a shower, and I decided that I would take one in the morning. This morning, I found out after I got out of the shower that my roommate used one towel for drying himself, and the other for a mat. He didn't hang either of them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 901

You deserved it 1 265

By Anonymous - 18/04/2013 07:54 - United States - Chicago

Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 927

You deserved it 4 633

She moves quickly!

By Jbug - 31/05/2018 13:30 - United States - Stillwater

Today, my girlfriend found a teacher who taught her 10 years ago. He's a complete player, but she fell instantly and madly in love with him and kicked me to the curb. We dated for 3 years and lived together for two. I was fixing to propose in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 658

You deserved it 322

By Shelling Ford - 25/08/2015 11:55 - Germany - Munich

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 178

You deserved it 3 292

By ohtheshame - 02/05/2011 08:34

Spicy

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 767

You deserved it 10 680

By Zoo - 07/05/2019 14:00

Today, I went to therapy. Previously, I had been given the task to write a list of things I hate about myself so my doctor could see what we needed to work on. I gave her the list, and she simply said, "Wow, I've never had someone give me such a long list." I had 55 items on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 263

Living a lie

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 11:01

Today, I realized I'm very much in love with my old boyfriend. I got married to someone else a few months ago, who I also very much love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 1 072

By Flip - 02/05/2012 05:06 - France

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 774

You deserved it 58 358

By neryc - 04/07/2014 19:41 - United States - Hummelstown

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 389

You deserved it 4 519

By userrrrr - 18/10/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 469

You deserved it 3 743

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 894

You deserved it 5 417

By Noname - 27/02/2009 04:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 216

You deserved it 13 342

By Oli974 - 22/10/2015 13:08 - France - N?ves-parmelan

Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 169

You deserved it 2 754

By anonymous - 21/10/2013 06:53 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 237

You deserved it 7 183

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 2 July 2017 20:14

At least you can rest assured that the thief is not authorized to ride that bike on campus. Karma's a bitch, but this time she is working for you;)

Send a private message

Monday 3 July 2017 1:16

Well your university is shit but not as shit as someone that stole a bike. Thieves are the scum of the earth. Also, RichardPencil is not funny. Discuss.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 2 July 2017 20:14

At least you can rest assured that the thief is not authorized to ride that bike on campus. Karma's a bitch, but this time she is working for you;)

Send a private message

Monday 3 July 2017 1:16

Well your university is shit but not as shit as someone that stole a bike. Thieves are the scum of the earth. Also, RichardPencil is not funny. Discuss.

Send a private message

Monday 3 July 2017 11:02

He literally comments on every single FML with more misses than hits... I find him very annoying.

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Thursday 13 July 2017 22:32

I like you.

LeoCor 18

Send a private message

Monday 3 July 2017 11:54

YDI for not locking up your bike correctly

Send a private message

Monday 3 July 2017 21:26

Who says "half a year"?

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 2 064

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 191