Health: Today, the fire alarm went off halfway through my bikini wax....

By StickyVag - New Zealand

Today, the fire alarm went off halfway through my bikini wax. FML

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2709

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Health

Serious times

Creepy

Family matters

By Anonymous - Estonia - Tartu

Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15316

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958

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By Dog fart - United States

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44358

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3880

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By Ferniferousfern

Today, I went to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Not only were they not able to extract all of it, but after 7 injections, I was still screaming. The best part? Their referral to someone else fell through, so I head back tomorrow to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3813

You deserved it

308

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By JSterl - United States

Today, our airplane was delayed because of issues with the de-ice-ing. Then, because it had too little fuel. Then, because of engine troubles. Then, because our first officer needed to be replaced due to legal restrictions on pilots' hours. Now, I get to go straight from the plane to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28745

You deserved it

2329

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By Amanda - Canada

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55038

You deserved it

6647

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By ceedee - United States

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13303

You deserved it

25385

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By mrs14 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8432

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31110

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By kids

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65675

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5611

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22978

You deserved it

50138

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38338

You deserved it

24043

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By Peachtree

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3572

You deserved it

443

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By PureFallPain

He may be disappointed

Today, I am Catfishing a guy on Twitter. I didn't mean to start it, I had an account I use to vent with and I used a pic with a cute girl. He sent me a DM that he liked my pic. He wants to talk on the phone. We have fallen for each other. He thinks, I am 18. I am a 39 year old single mother of 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

465

You deserved it

4926

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By Vampire Teabag - United States - El Paso

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36667

You deserved it

3449

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By oshitdonotwant - United States

Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68368

You deserved it

4055

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By Mortified - 31/3/2020 14:00

On the can

Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1662

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164

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 21 year old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML

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33377

You deserved it

5255

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By Ugh - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28224

You deserved it

5829

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By CHEERS, TUMBLTARD

Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44713

You deserved it

12458

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By reconnect - United States

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34228

You deserved it

7705

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By lost_ina_dream - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21709

You deserved it

4088

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By mchhhoi - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and were I getting it on in his bedroom where he had all of his anime models on display. I accidentally knocked over one of his models and it fell on to the floor. He got angry and kicked me out. Apparently, making his models look good was more important than us making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43523

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13279

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By OytoBeAfather - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23894

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4233

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By cole66 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32345

You deserved it

3131

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By Paul - United States

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

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32337

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2912

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By oh no - United States - Rochester

Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13053

You deserved it

3041

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34171

You deserved it

7839

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By jaqlove - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13914

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2625

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By ILOVELEDZEPPELIN - United States - Wakefield

Today, I called my mother crying, telling her how my husband has apparently been cheating on me for months. To my surprise, she didn't interrupt me or cut me off the whole time. Only when she didn't respond, did I realize she'd hung up a half an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53977

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5975

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By Sickasadog - United States

Today, I painted my daughter's room with the new paint we bought. It's an oil-based paint which hides all blemishes on the wall, but apparently makes me sick. I'm now throwing up everywhere, but at least the room looks good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5664

You deserved it

662

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By Ms. Heartless - United States

Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27493

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13427

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By thanksmom - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65627

You deserved it

4097

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By f'ed_over - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36251

You deserved it

2411

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30512

You deserved it

4344

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By "baow"

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently have had bragging the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well guess who got a whiskey dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

658

You deserved it

3491

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By nnnaaazzz - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39207

You deserved it

6185

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By Username

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to see more of his passionate side. He pushed my head down towards his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30357

You deserved it

13959

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By elovan - United States - Des Moines

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11897

You deserved it

21014

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By NotKeithRichards - United States

Today, while playing a gig with my band, I tried pulling the classic "playing the guitar with one foot on the monitor" rock-star pose. However, I misjudged the height of the monitor, didn't notice the puddle of beer in front of it, slipped, and fell off the stage into the security guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12226

You deserved it

28539

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By SharpDressedMan - United States - Leesburg

Today, I spent almost nine hours cleaning because I was promised I could go to junior prom if my room was cleaned. I missed a dust bunny and couldn't go. I had a date for this, who I'd had a crush on for over a year and barely managed to ask to go with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3958

You deserved it

299

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By Anonymous - China

Today, I woke up to a repairman at my door who was simply supposed to turn my water back on in my apartment. Two hours and 5 repairmen later, all I have now is a large hole in my ceiling. Still no water. FML

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28707

You deserved it

2355

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Top comments

By interesting33 | 36

#7665144 - Monday 23 July 2018 15:34

YDI... you shouldn't have been so smokin' hot.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7673011 - Wednesday 8 August 2018 2:12

Fire in the hole!

COMMENTS

By interesting33 | 36

#7665144 - Monday 23 July 2018 15:34

YDI... you shouldn't have been so smokin' hot.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7665378 - Tuesday 24 July 2018 2:10

You got the fire down below!

By RichardPencil | 29

#7673011 - Wednesday 8 August 2018 2:12

Fire in the hole!

pugs | 12

#7673081 - Wednesday 8 August 2018 7:26

Which hole?

By real life problems | 26

#7673025 - Wednesday 8 August 2018 3:23

Your skin wasn't the only thing burning in that place!

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#7673045 - Wednesday 8 August 2018 5:41

And here I thought redheads being called fire crotch was just a saying.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7673130 - Wednesday 8 August 2018 9:52

Does it look like someone played a prank on you😂😂

By Takegami | 22

#7673488 - Wednesday 8 August 2018 23:10

Next time don’t get a bikini wax, dumbass