Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in...

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

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Intimacy

Proactive

Don't give up

Innocent

By Anonymous - 6/6/2020 02:00

Freak out

Today, we ended the night with a yellow jacket queen trying to make a home in our apartment's kitchen. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2014 19:23 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I received a $20 gift card to Tim Horton's as a prize, and decided to use it. At the register, I was told that I'd essentially won an empty gift card. FML

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By Bella - 26/10/2018 03:00

Today, I finally managed to kiss the guy of my dreams. We pulled away and looked into each other's eyes, and he softly said, "You know I'm dating another girl right now, right?" FML

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By SeatofIgnorance - 29/8/2017 04:30

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

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By moms a baby - 31/3/2014 02:44 - United States - Loma Linda

Today, my mom stopped playing badminton with me because she claimed I was too aggressive. Apparently winning, playing by the rules, and smashing is considered aggressive. FML

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By lisacasabonita - 12/11/2010 16:31 - United States

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, 'I wish you liked anal.' FML

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By anon - 27/7/2015 04:43 - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

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By sudoku_fiend - 13/12/2015 04:40 - United States - Millville

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

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By Not true - 18/7/2016 02:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

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By rplovez - 5/9/2011 23:14 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML

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By MrTandy - 16/9/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

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By Masey - 17/9/2009 12:46 - United States

Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML

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By and she blames me -_- - 13/10/2013 21:50 - Canada - Calgary

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 16:20 - Canada - Sherbrooke

Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2012 04:01 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pretend my tampons were "dynamite" and run around the house throwing them at my friends and family. FML

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By IzzMeister - 15/12/2019 20:00 - United States

Watch a movie

Today, I walked in on my uncle watching porn. I realized that it was porn of my boyfriend, and he told me that the girl in it was "just a friend". FML

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By helprelou - 29/6/2016 22:12 - France - La Chevroli?re

Today, a guy who likes me a little too much, and who I asked to tone his advances down a little, sent me a message on Twitter, Facebook and by text message to apologize. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, I was moving. While packing, I found an old photo that had been laying face down in the bottom of a drawer for some time, and some of the ink transfered to the drawer lining. There is now an image of my ex-girlfriend's face permanently burned into the bottom of my nightstand drawer. FML

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By FMLMom - 8/8/2012 08:02 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I learned that my son goes on online chat rooms and has sexual fantasy role-play. To make matters worse, the characters he uses are from My Little Pony. FML

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By Toolmaker - 23/8/2018 15:00

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

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By ThanksChris - 16/10/2011 07:06 - United States

Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML

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By emasculated 10000% - 4/5/2013 17:05 - Sweden - Ljungby

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

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By WTF Mom - 21/5/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brother has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty. She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML

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By iamchazzi - 1/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Madison

Today, I found out that my mom uses my Facebook account more than I do. FML

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By fat girl - 29/4/2014 22:58 - United States - North Pole

Today, my coworkers decided to throw me a surprise baby shower. I'm not pregnant. FML

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By offrampmotel - 28/3/2017 14:00

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

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By SomeDJ - 12/8/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 22:00

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

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By JohnFarrell - 24/4/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

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By Chad - 14/8/2010 17:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we're interested in. The first one she listed wasn't a celebrity - it was my brother. He's spending the weekend with us. FML

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By MyLifeSucks - 15/4/2013 22:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

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By lobotomy pls - 11/9/2015 18:40 - United States - Tappahannock

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 20:00

Who's a good boy?

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

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By Kenton - 15/6/2019 00:14

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

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By Erin - 10/5/2016 02:18 - United States - Springfield

Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML

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By LunaCrow - 10/2/2015 02:32 - United States - Shakopee

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

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By svenska75 - 3/9/2014 21:30 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

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By concernedsis - 4/2/2016 14:53 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 17:01

Bad timing

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

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Top comments

By THEMTCHELL | 0

#1769281 - Monday 29 November 2010 19:16

so u don't like my drawings.....

By FYLDeep | 25

#1769174 - Monday 29 November 2010 19:04

They didn't find your bondage gear though, right?

COMMENTS

By phapho88 | 0

#1769141 - Monday 29 November 2010 18:58

cant blame em , wat were they doing in ur purse to begin with???

sasonzal | 4

#1769159 - Monday 29 November 2010 19:01

what were you smoking from in that pic?like a hookah or somthing?

jessbobessy09 | 0

#1769539 - Monday 29 November 2010 20:15

honestly!!!

Consolata | 0

#1769861 - Monday 29 November 2010 22:34

he was trying to breathe fire but since he smokes so much that was all that came out

By FYLDeep | 25

#1769143 - Monday 29 November 2010 18:59

Dinosaur girl?

By FYLDeep | 25

#1769174 - Monday 29 November 2010 19:04

They didn't find your bondage gear though, right?

CallMeHush | 0

#1770319 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:16

She leaves that stuff at my house.

By DEXter501 | 0

#1769187 - Monday 29 November 2010 19:04

Are they at least any good? Sell it on eBay. Who knows, some creep might actually like them.
And you should keep watch over your purse more attentively from now on....

capilot | 10

#1769210 - Monday 29 November 2010 19:07

Perfect.

By IVANTTOCOME | 0

#1769192 - Monday 29 November 2010 19:05

They were probably your dads, good move dad.

By perdix | 29

#1769205 - Monday 29 November 2010 19:07

A dinosaur girl posing in a purse? Wouldn't that be an anachronism? There weren't purses in the dinosaur days.

DocBastard | 38

#1769268 - Monday 29 November 2010 19:14

Nor was there bondage equipment.

perdix | 29

#1769493 - Monday 29 November 2010 20:02

Even worse, there was no such thing as a dinosaur girl. Was the OP referring to a girl dinosaur like Baby Bop from the Barney show, or a cavegirl, like Daryl Hannah?

What the hell?