Today, my mom said my boobs are finally getting bigger and that I've finally hit puberty. I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday next week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML
Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML
Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML
Today, I woke up to find my parents singing "Happy birthday" with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML
Today, I turned 37. My acne turned 24, my eating disorder 22, my chronic digestive issues 35 and my insomnia 16. My boobs, on the other hand, look like they just turned 60. FML
Today, I turned 30. I still can't grow any facial hair. FML
Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said, "Yeah, horizontally." FML
Today, more time goes by, more I’m going to have to accept that my 13 year-old sister is going to end up with size DD boobs, possibly even bigger, meanwhile I'm turning 25 this year and my boobs are stubbornly stuck at a B. Life ain’t fair. FML
Today, on my birthday, my mother described my birth like a large, painful bowel movement in front of all my friends. FML
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Top comments
Unlovable_Me 14
You must be a real life version of 13 going on 30
TMO2142 25
Well... happy birthday
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Comments (47)
jeffprobs 29
This is why health class is important
captain_hero89 22
I'm a late bloomer too. i hope to get my first pube before 28
Ilovemusic237 19
Happy early birthday!
cuz803 46
Kinda screwed up that your mom said that
wreckdit 29
Count yourself lucky. At least you don't have to worry about the back problems that more endowed women have.
Tripartita 45
Jesus, how clueless can your mom be?! By the time you're in your thirties, puberty has been over for a while. Logically, if your breasts have started growing at this point in life, it's likely an indicator of mammographic takeover—a process in which the boobs attempt to gain control of the body. Fear not, OP, although they have dominion over the chest area, you can still seek refuge in uncharted territories such as the forearms and knees!
species4872 20
Obviously the mom was jesting.
Tripartita 45
Just like me. Your ability to spot obvious jesting seems inconsistent.
species4872 20
She didn't say that her boobs were actually bigger only that her mother said so with the reference to puberty.
Tripartita 45
Even if that's true, #38, what's your point? I was obviously jesting either way.
belc 5
There's a few things that could make your breasts bigger at 31. I don't think any of them involve puberty...
everybodysnerves 5
Happy Birthday, do you think you could be pregnant?
never_three 21
What's with the down vote? I gained a full 2 cup sizes during my pregnancy
species4872 20
Mom knows best.
GhostFox 34
Sounds like, if you are sexually active, that you could be pregnant. If not, your hormones could be shifting, in which case you'll want to keep an eye out for weight gain, dry or oily skin, and hot flashes. If you have symptoms like that, you may need to bring it up with your GP and get a hormone panel.