Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Today, my dad has such thick, horn like toenails that when I stepped on one of the cuttings, it actually stabbed into the thinner skin on the underside of my toe and bled like crazy. FML
Today, I had surgery done to fix an ingrown toenail. When the doctor started cutting the nail, my toe wasn't entirely numb. FML
Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML
Today, years after I stepped on a nail and had the wound stitched, I got an X-ray. I've had serious trouble walking, and it turns out I had 2.5 inches of nail living in the sole of my foot, stabbing up into my ankle joint. I now need major surgery. FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
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Top comments
GR3453m0nk3y 4
SLIP SOMETHING IN HIS DRINK AND THEN CUT THEM sorry about the caps, i'd fix it but im too lazy
aback 5
Make him sleep on the couch. Or the porch, if you don't have a couch.
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Comments (126)
Ootori 0
lol wot a wanker LOL!!!!! divorce the retard, wots he tryin to do? beat the guiness book of records for the longest nails hahahahahaha
CyclonePsycho 1
Cut his foot off while he's sleeping. Problem permanently solved!
meggtoeee 0
omg something like this happened to me! but it was my bf and he was coming to hug me and his toe hit mine and gashed it open. he was nice enough to carry me to the bathroom and put a band-aid on it.
RayeofSunshine 0
Don't give him sex until he cuts his toenails. My boyfriend's got some nasty toenails too and I've had my share of cuts from his ragged nails. Give him three days with no sex, he'll change his tune. Worked on mine.
Itsu_fml 0
EWWEWWEWWEWW!!!!!!! I ****** hate feet!!!
ilovepotatoes_fml 0
refuse to sleep in the same room with him until he cuts his toenails. problem solved.
COBRAMORPH 0
Maybe you should have cut them for him, after all, you are his wife. Instead, you bitch.
xNephilim 19
Yeah, because it's the wife's job to cut the husband's toe nails. Idiot. @OP, I'd tell him to sleep in the bath tub until he cut them.
KatieGoesRawrr 0
i read up to ' My husband stabbed me with his long, nasty...' but a pop-up came up.. i lol'd. and ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! FYL
packerfan124 1
ummm...your his wife thats ur job and thus your fault u were stabbed WTG
bennn89 5
I second that. bad wife
African_diva 0
that's horrible lol