Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Today, my dad has such thick, horn like toenails that when I stepped on one of the cuttings, it actually stabbed into the thinner skin on the underside of my toe and bled like crazy. FML
Today, I had surgery done to fix an ingrown toenail. When the doctor started cutting the nail, my toe wasn't entirely numb. FML
Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML
Today, years after I stepped on a nail and had the wound stitched, I got an X-ray. I've had serious trouble walking, and it turns out I had 2.5 inches of nail living in the sole of my foot, stabbing up into my ankle joint. I now need major surgery. FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
GR3453m0nk3y 4
SLIP SOMETHING IN HIS DRINK AND THEN CUT THEM sorry about the caps, i'd fix it but im too lazy
aback 5
Make him sleep on the couch. Or the porch, if you don't have a couch.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (126)
blastvortex 4
He's a dumbass. Tell him to shape up or put some socks on or he's forced to sleep in the dog house until further notice.
queenofdeath 0
huh? is that a huge reason for having a ****** up life? wooo.. nails :/ !
onnielief 4
Give him an option, sleep on the couch, or sleep in bed with cut toenails! He has no excuse to injure you like that, laugh about it, and then ignore the situation.
warrenpeace 0
That's what you get for being a Kentucky hillbilly!
st87 0
did you require tectanus?
movies12 0
Ewwww.... what if it got infected? When he's sleeping get the nail clipper and cut them and if he wakes up tell him to shut up.
lostfaithinpppl 19
YDI for being married to a hillbilly.
icedrake523 2
Withhold sex from him until he cuts them.
Contess 0
Start some gross habit such as, farting or burbing loudly in publin, preferably something that he doesnt like and when he asked you to quit just say i'll quit when you cut your disgusting toe nails. First they're probably ruining his socks, second he needs to grow up and third its just disgusting.
ThreadingFate 0
You got pwned by gross toe nails. I don't know what's sadder, that fact, or the fact that you allow your signifigant other to have such poor hygeine.