Miscellaneous: Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share...

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 919

You deserved it 3 245

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Same thing different taste

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By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 16:00

Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 138

OK Tyler Durden

By Anonymous - 13/06/2012 20:38 - Netherlands

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 890

You deserved it 2 549

By furious at five in the morning - 02/07/2012 12:36 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 377

You deserved it 4 111

By Screwed - 07/08/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 195

You deserved it 4 342

By Tick - 20/08/2018 22:35

Today, I witnessed my first drunken bar brawl. Yes, my 54-year-old husband was one of the participants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 638

You deserved it 226

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 047

You deserved it 3 081

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 16:41 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 430

You deserved it 4 323

By Anonymous - 05/01/2013 00:56 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 457

You deserved it 5 191

By anonymous - 14/01/2012 11:42 - Australia

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 671

You deserved it 3 632

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 556

You deserved it 2 621

windfuelsfire 10

Saturday 10 March 2012 6:22

It ain't legit if he spoke to you about it

buck33 14

Saturday 10 March 2012 6:22

First rule of fight club: don't talk about fight club.

Comments

7ossElLeel 3

Friday 23 March 2012 13:43

awesome

Kikibodnar 5

Saturday 21 April 2012 22:08

Just hope your husband doesn't start seeing another person whom know one else sees

RedneckAngel 11

Sunday 13 May 2012 5:20

Tell him you're going to charge admission and make everyone sign consent forms that way you're not liable. ;)

Arlisshsr 9

Friday 18 May 2012 22:32

Oh btw I have the best idea ever! Were going into the MATRIX!

1dayfly 5

Tuesday 26 June 2012 0:39

How is this not totally awesome?

slapsface 10

Wednesday 29 August 2012 18:30

If its bare knuckle boxing it's illegal

immikey19 7

Friday 31 August 2012 7:06

First rule of Fight Club: Don't talk about Fight Club.

guardgirl10 0

Tuesday 4 September 2012 15:35

haha, I'd totally join that, but I would get bleach and gloves and a first aid kit...:)

lambsbreath 7

Sunday 4 August 2013 9:14

Loser wannabe

splata 5

Thursday 10 July 2014 13:59

This sounds like the beginning of an episode of Family Guy

Keywords

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Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 836

You deserved it 22 212

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 021

You deserved it 3 408

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Today, playing soccer, I jumped up to make a header and clear the ball away from our goal. I got the ball but some guy kicked me in the face. I was taken off. All the parents were horrified, saying how badly my nose must have broken. Turns out my nose was fine. That's just how my nose looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 867

You deserved it 3 132

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 132

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 609

You deserved it 32 974

Today, I was reading a recipe list on my tablet. I moved a little, and one of my fat rolls came into contact with a button which closed the tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 249

You deserved it 3 775

Today, my mother is mad at me because I dared, yes DARED, to go out with a girl who stands up to her instead of just meekly doing what she tells her. Which should tell you exactly what sort of woman my mother is, so you know this FML is just the tip of my lifelong misery iceberg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 130

Today, my internet got shut off. Apparently off-brand "Avengers" porn is better copyright-protected than the actual movie. We looked it up as a joke, didn't watch the whole thing, and now have to visit the Suddenlink office to get our internet back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 052

You deserved it 1 354

Same thing different taste

Receipe ideas

OK Tyler Durden

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