Miscellaneous: Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share...

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 919

You deserved it 3 245

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Same thing different taste

Receipe ideas

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 16:00

Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 138

OK Tyler Durden

By Anonymous - 13/06/2012 20:38 - Netherlands

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 890

You deserved it 2 549

By furious at five in the morning - 02/07/2012 12:36 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 377

You deserved it 4 111

By Screwed - 07/08/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 195

You deserved it 4 342

By Tick - 20/08/2018 22:35

Today, I witnessed my first drunken bar brawl. Yes, my 54-year-old husband was one of the participants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 638

You deserved it 226

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 047

You deserved it 3 081

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 16:41 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 430

You deserved it 4 323

By Anonymous - 05/01/2013 00:56 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 457

You deserved it 5 191

By anonymous - 14/01/2012 11:42 - Australia

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 671

You deserved it 3 632

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 556

You deserved it 2 621

windfuelsfire 10

Saturday 10 March 2012 6:22

It ain't legit if he spoke to you about it

buck33 14

Saturday 10 March 2012 6:22

First rule of fight club: don't talk about fight club.

Comments

albsure23 3

Sunday 11 March 2012 1:43

Good luck! It ain't gonna be the same with out Brad Pitt anyway!

KRiddle 15

Sunday 11 March 2012 1:59

DON'T talk about FIGHT CLUB!

PhilSchaffhouser 0

Sunday 11 March 2012 7:03

If you could give me your husbands name and phone #, thatd be great, tell him that im in.

Juicenub 25

Sunday 11 March 2012 12:32

This sounds like a classic Family Guy episode..

johnboyu 0

Sunday 11 March 2012 17:37

& the 1st rule of Fight Club is? You don't talk abou-

MusicallyGifted 0

Tuesday 13 March 2012 5:50

Dude thats awesome XD LET THAT HAPPEN AND DON'T TALK ABOUT IT XD

iSketz 3

Wednesday 14 March 2012 0:36

And you just broke the first rule...

Superlexi99 1

Wednesday 14 March 2012 6:48

is his name Robert Paulson? XD

rebelliousshroom 12

Wednesday 14 March 2012 6:55

He sounds awesome. Maybe you'll get to watch!

tattoofano 0

Monday 19 March 2012 18:28

sign me up!

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Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 584

You deserved it 16 950

Today, I found out my wife of 5 years, with whom we have three kids, is actually my cousin. At a family dinner someone had pointed out how much she looks like my uncle. We laughed until she mentioned that she was adopted from the same town my uncle's ex-wife had a baby. A few questions and a blood test later, we all learned the sick truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 73

The Top

Today, I did the whole 'rose petals, takeaway Chinese, favourite wine, and movie' thing. As soon as my wife got home, she said, “Great, now I have to sweep up rose petals, I’m not in the mood for Chinese, I was saving that wine, and I watched that movie last week.” I officially give up even trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 251

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 916

You deserved it 16 293

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 871

You deserved it 2 486

Today, I spent about 45 minutes attaching brackets and weatherproof lights to the umbrella in my patio set. It looked great, and I was excited to finally sit out under them at night - until the umbrella shifted and fell over, shattering the glass table top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 756

You deserved it 1 115

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 182

You deserved it 8 076

Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 724

You deserved it 634

Same thing different taste

Receipe ideas

OK Tyler Durden

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