Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend had dyed her hair a ridiculous bright color. She knows I absolutely fucking despise brightly colored hair on women. FML
Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML
Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML
Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML
Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to tint my hair. An hour later, I resemble a blueberry and it looks like a Smurf exploded in my bathroom. FML
Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a Smurf. FML
Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML
Today, my daughter found a bag of googly eyes I'd bought for a craft project I'd completely forgot about. She spent the day sticking them on random objects around the house. I now have a microwave that looks like it’s judging me for using it too much instead of actually cooking. FML
Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML
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Top comments
joshiepo0 18
I would not like it Sam I am.
mrbattleman 10
Sounds fun to me.
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Comments (156)
ducki1989 4
I'm not sure how this is a FML... I think she sounds like a very creative gf.
VioletSkies 21
This is an FML? Let her have fun while cooking. I used to add food coloring while cooking but started doing it less often. Now the food coloring is mostly used when I bake! :D
film_addict1129 16
There needs to be a "your life is awesome" button
hellox3howlow 17
This post really inspired me. Definitely having purple pancakes one morning this week. Thanks, OP!
jem970 19
That would be awesome!
Attica 20
Well, I know what I'll be doing with my cooking, next time XD Like others said, she's cooking for you, OP, and sounds adorable and fun...what do you really have to complain about? This is the kind of thing you remember fondly on your 50th wedding anniversary, if you stay with her, or if you don't, makes her the ex you think of if you become unhappy in your marriage later on to someone else who is boring.
incendiaaa 23
rainbow sammiches!
chrisiffer 17
Make your own food
benmec 18
OmG you have a girlfriend?!! AND she cooks?!!! Wow! Yippy! Yay yay
djxerxes9000 18
Try cooking for yourself.
fmessiah 19
Will the cat in the hat clean your toilet afterwards? Funny coloured poop might change her mind in the coming days.