Miscellaneous: Today, my friends told me that I'm not invited to the next trip... - FML

By canadiangirl98 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my friends told me that I'm not invited to the next trip because I'm a party pooper for not getting drunk and staying out late during our last vacation. I guess they forgot that I spent each night taking care of their drunk asses and stayed sober to be the designated driver. FML

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canadiangirl98 tells us more :

Wow I can't believe my FML was posted! I love this site! Just to elaborate so people get the full picture: We were supposed to take turns being the DD each night but they would be drunk by the time we got to the venue so I had no choice but to be DD. I'm okay with drinking and letting loose and don't get in the way of others fun but these girls were rowdy belligerent drunk and I spent the evening ensuring they didn't get themselves into a bad situation and the morning helping their hangovers. Either way these girls are no longer people I associate with.

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By Andrew - United States - Blackwood

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

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By princessbbee - United States

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

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By owies :( - United States

Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML

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By Firepussy911

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML

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By FD4

Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother asked my live-in girlfriend if she's had any problems with me peeing the bed. I haven't wet the bed since I was seven and I'd hoped to take that secret to my grave. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

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By sexyfail - Australia

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

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By faglypoog

Today, my $200 drone malfunctioned and wouldn't stop. For fifteen minutes I followed it on my bike until it finally disappeared. On the way back I was pulled over for not wearing a helmet. FML

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By NUsConstantine - United States

Today, my research partner emails me 2 hours before our deadline saying that she can't complete her half of our 20 page report because when she woke up this morning she couldn't see. How did she write the email? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML

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By nickorion12 - United States - Shawnee

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up catching the kitchen on fire. FML

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By ohhhjaymo13 - United States

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

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By Sal - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

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By panos016 - United Kingdom

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML

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By Marie - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

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By Oihana - United States - Greensboro

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

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By Jbheller - United States - Mountain Top

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

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By Eric Moore - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years said she was leaving me because recently I wasn't making much money, and was playing too many video games. I recently got a raise at my job of 5 years. The job? Testing video games. FML

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By PocketTrash - 20/3/2020 21:00

This guy grudges

Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML

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By paytonallyce - United States - Springfield

Today, I got a bug bite on my boob. I scratched it so much it started bleeding so I put a bandaid on it. Turns out the band-aid had latex in it and I got an allergic reaction to it. The bug bite is still bleeding and the top half of my boob is swollen. FML

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By DarkChild - France

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat refuses to drink from any source of water that isn't the toilet. FML

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By badcomparison - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML

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By caterinette - Portugal

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

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By JustCantWin - United States

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

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By dating a fucking idiot - United States

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

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By whoevenncares - United States

Today, I found my dog drinking out of the toilet. My daughter was next to him, also drinking from the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

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By hatelife - United States

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

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By atetoeate - United States

Today, while trying to give an immunization to a "special" 13-year-old, I got spit on, kicked, almost bitten, and had a chair thrown at me. When it was all over, I flinched when the patient tried to hug me. Her mom called me a "b*tch" and I later found out she wasn't a "special" child. FML

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By Greig - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

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By CorpDrone - United States

Today, I came in to work and found the conference room white boards completely clean. My assistant wiped all the white boards where I spent 10 hours writing schedule for the next three months. I was going to meet with all supervisors to finalize that schedule today. FML

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Top comments

By Capteen_fml | 16

#6377684 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:27

Sounds like it's time to ditch them and find more appreciative friends - or at least ones that'll take turns being designated driver

By flocket | 13

#6377695 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:33

Well that sucks, maybe you should find friends that respect your responsible actions

COMMENTS

By keilei | 24

#6377679 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:24

Good on you, and sucks for them.

Reply

tantanpanda | 26

#6377865 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 16:33

Yea, it's their loss. Why hang out with people like that anyway?

Reply

stingray112 | 24

#6377875 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 16:47

Idk I feel if ALL of them think she's a party pooper, then there's probably more to the story OP might very well be.

By lukian_fml | 29

#6377681 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:26

Time to find a new designated driver as a friend. Or you know, make use of those magnificent ride sharing services!

By whassallt26 | 13

#6377682 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:26

Well if you didn't have fun last time, it only seems like a loss for them

By nater535 | 7

#6377683 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:26

Those are some crappy friends.

Reply

bwinski | 19

#6379733 - Thursday 13 August 2015 10:03

Ya seriously though. Don't sacrifice your beliefs for people who don't respect you. Good job for being responsible!

By Capteen_fml | 16

#6377684 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:27

Sounds like it's time to ditch them and find more appreciative friends - or at least ones that'll take turns being designated driver

By flocket | 13

#6377695 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:33

Well that sucks, maybe you should find friends that respect your responsible actions

By ally8 | 21

#6377696 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:36

Well you shouldn't have been the designated driver every night... But still their loss

Reply

mergeterge | 24

#6377896 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 17:53

Why does this have so many down votes? lol If OP had an issue, they should just announce that they aren't DD and do whatever they want. Worst case scenario, they use public transportation. No big deal.

By gosh_mate | 30

#6377697 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:52

That's very considerate of you, I'm sure you can find some friends who appreciate that. :)

By thefmlman2011 | 35

#6377699 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:55

You need friends who appreciate your help

By amandathemermaid | 19

#6377700 - Tuesday 11 August 2015 10:58

Props to you for not driving drunk so your friends can have a good time while also ensuring they'll get home safe! You're a great friend.